Doubt

Chapter 18

Adrianna’s POV

“Jason.” I say staring at the boy in front of me.

“Honey I’m home,” he says with a smirk on my face. The feeling of Harry’s arms tightening around me snap me into reality. I then notice Jason’s dangerous eyes traveling down from my face to my stomach. Not in a perverted way- he IS my brother. But in a do-you-realize-you-are-practically-naked kind of way.

“I’m going to go put a shirt on.” I whisper to Harry suddenly embarrassed about my lack of clothing. Harry gently puts me down not saying a word. Not I am literally standing in front of my brother in a red lace bra. Talk about awkward.

I quickly walk to my room and grab Harry’s sweatshirt that I love so much. It smells like him and is so warm. If I could only wear one thing that would be it. I also grab Harry’s shirt before going back out to the kitchen. When I get there Jason is no wear to be found but Harry is sitting on a stool at the island with a beer in hand.

“Keep in mind that you aren’t legal in this country.” I jokingly say. Harry chuckles before turning to me.

“Well I better trust you not to tell,” He says winking at me. He knows exactly what to do to tip me over the edge every time. Just a wink makes my stomach flutter. This cannot be healthy. I take a seat in the stool next to him and he swings his muscular arm around my body.

“So why did we have to leave so soon?” I ask. This question had caused me many sleepless nights. What if his family didn’t like me? What if he lost his temper and broke something? What if a huge family secret was revealed? What if…? Harry shifts uncomfortably beside me and opens his mouth to answer when Jason walks into the room.

“Has anyone even been in my room since I left?” He asks walking to the fridge.

“Who would have gone in there Jason?” I question him in a serious tone. He turns to me squinting his eyes, something he has done when in deep thought for years.

He lets out a deep sigh, “you I guess,” He says taking out a beer.

“Yeah well I didn’t spend much time here after you left,” I say harshly. All I want is for him to apologize for leaving. Maybe even apologize for leaving at the hospital too.

“I wasn’t gone for that long, besides you clearly didn’t want you around.” He says calmly before taking a huge gulp from his beer.

Now I am angry ,“How could you say that? You are my only family left, of course I wanted you around. You want to know what I didn’t want? The Jason that brings random girls over to our house a week after our parents die. I don’t want the Jason that drinks and smokes away his problems. And I sure as hell don’t want the Jason that doesn’t give a fuck about his little sister. Because before the accident you actually cared about my well-being.  Before the accident you questioned my boyfriends more than dad did. You beat up boys on the playground for me. And you know what? You haven’t asked me once how I am, or how my day was, or even if I was okay since the accident. Not once. For months now I have been trying my hardest to be understanding and to snap you out of this funk and you have the decency to tell me I didn’t want you around?” I yell at him with my eyes screwed shut.

I take a calming breath and open my eyes before continuing, “And you know what Jason, I’m done. I am so past done. The only time I actually cried about losing mom and dad was at the funeral. Do you know how sad that is? I can’t even cry about the death of my own parents? It’s because I have been serving you and your scarred heart hoping to help you get better. I have been too worried about you to miss my dead parents. And Jason all I needed the whole time was for my big brother to hold me like he used to.” I cry. Literally I am bawling. I have never cried so hard in my life. All of the things that I have kept balled up for so long just came tumbling out and I couldn’t stop them. And I don’t even feel bad. Jason deserved it. He has done nothing but burden me with his problems since the accident. Honestly I need to grieve for a little bit.

I feel Harry put his hands on my shoulders from behind me. I hadn’t even noticed how tense I was. My hands are balled up into fists and my whole body is rigid. I can feel myself relax under his touch and I know he can feel it to because he pulls me back into his chest so I am leaving back against him with his arms around me.

I look up at my brother who has literally dropped his beer on the ground. He is standing there frozen looking at me. His mouth opens many times but no words come out. After a long pause he finds the words to say.

“I do care about you Adrianna. So so much. You’re the only sister I’ve got. I know I leaned on you too much right after the accident and then just ditched you and I’m sorry. I didn’t know I hurt you that bad.” He says.

“Whatever,” I say wiping the tears away, “Your bedspread was washed last week and your bathroom should be totally clean. Harry is going to be staying over but we won’t make too much noise.” I say totally emotionless.

“Are you sure its best for your new boyfriend to sleep over?” Jason asks.

“You can’t start being my big brother now.” I simply reply pushing away from Harry’s warm hold. I walk down the hall and to my room. Soon after Harry comes in too.

“You ready for bed?” He asks and I simply nod. I take off my yoga pants and brush my teeth before crawling into bed. I decide to sleep in Harry’s sweatshirt for the 5th night in a row. Harry does the same and crawls in next to me.