Defying Gravity

Mattress

"    Where's Rachel?" Kurt asked,

"She's not here yet."

"Perfect. Glee club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushie in the face-"

"Yeah, despite it being well known that I'm pregnant." I grumbled "They could shock me into labor if the slushie me any later in my pregnancy."

Kurt looked at me and said "But as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution: swirlies, patriotic wedgies..."

"What's a patriotic wedgie?" Mercedes asked. "Trust me 'Cedes, it's horrible." Matt said.

"It's when they hoist you up the flag pole by your undies." Finn explained.

"Strangely, it did make me feel more American." I burst out laughing when Artie said this.

"Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-glee-club terror. I've done a little library research. Peter Gellar. Glee club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn on Hitler mustache and rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Gellar had a nervous breakdown. He is now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library."

"Anyone tries that on me and I will sue them for all they are worth." I growled.

"Patches?" Quinn asked.

Kurt nodded and said "Patches."

"He barks at my mom."

"Exhibit B: Tawny Peterson, glee club class of 2000, seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head, in a macabre tableau that, in four years would prove eerily prescient. I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling." Kurt said

"Oh, hey, guys. Ah, looking at old Thunderclaps?"

"It's really unsettling."

"And totally unfair. Hey, can I borrow one of these? (takes a yearbook from Kurt) You know what? This year's thunderclap is going to have a glee club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it."

I shouted after him "One of us will be lost if you do get a glee club picture!" Everyone shared uneasy looks.

CUT TO: CHOIR ROOM. MAGGIE'S POV

Kurt and I sat at piano discussing my outfit for my movie double date with Jeff, Nick, and Liz when Rachel walked up to us and said "Kurt, Maggie, I have a fantastic idea for a club that would officially make me the most involved student in the whole school. I want us to start a GayLesbiAll."

"I'm sorry?" We said.

"The gay-lesbian-Bisexual alliance. Gay-lesb-bi-all." I said "In a place Like McKinley that would only make our situations worse."

Kurt and I walked away. Mr. Schue and Mrs. Malfoy walked in. Mr. Schue said "Hey, guys! Great news! Glee club gets a photo in the thunderclap." We responded with fake enthusiasm. "Yep. It's going to show everyone at the school that glee club is on its way up. When we win regionals, those claps are going to be collector's items. I mean, all of your classmates are going to be begging for your autographs. But, I had to compromise to do it. Um, we only get a quarter page in back. Which means we have to pick two team captains to appear in the photo. So, tomorrow we're going to put it to a vote! Exciting, huh? All right!"

[NEXT DAY in CHOIR ROOM]

"Well, we're all here. I guess we should vote." Mercedes said.

Rachel stood and said "With your permission, I have prepared a few words."