Defying Gravity

Furt

"Oh. What’s going on? Is this one of those interventions, ‘cause…?" Finn asked in surprise when he saw Kurt, Aunt Carole, Kathleen, Eliana, Willa, Blaire, Albus, Burt, and me. "If it is, it’s for the seven of us. They bombarded me and forced me to bring them to you." Kurt said. I shrugged. Burt said "Okay, come on, tell ‘em." Aunt Carole said "No, no, no, you. Come on." Burt said "No. We said in the car." Aunt Carole said "Come on, you, you" Burt said "Come on, you." Aunt Carole said "Please!" Burt said "All right, so you know how I drive Carole to work every Tuesday? Well, today I drove here, and we snuck into that classroom where Kurt introduced us…very romantic of me, I might add… And I…" Aunt Carole said "He proposed! He proposed!" Kurt, Eliana, Kathleen, Blaire, and I started squealing and jumping up and down with Aunt Carole. Burt said "You stole the punch line! Come on!" Finn just said "Wow. This just happened?" Kurt said "Oh, Dad!" Aunt Carole said "Oh! We wanted the seven of you to be the first to know." Burt said "Yeah, after the kids in that homeroom. Come on, family hug, huh? Okay. Come on!" Aunt Carole said "I’m so excited and-and nervous!" Kurt said "Oh, don’t be, don’t be." Aunt Carole said "Well, no. Okay."Kurt excitedly said "Oh, my God, this is just what I needed. I will take care of it from here. I have a trunk full of wedding magazines hidden under my bed." Finn and I gave Kurt confused looks. "I’m thinking of a russet and cognac theme. Those are colors, Finn. Fall wedding colors. Autumnal." I gasped and said "That's absolutely perfect!" Burt said "Nothing too extravagant, Kurt, okay? We’re gonna use whatever savings we have. We are spending it on the honeymoon. That’s right. We’re going to Waikiki. We’re gonna go to the hotel where they put up the guest stars on Lost." Aunt Carole said "Finn, you-you haven’t said anything." Finn said "Uh, I’m…I guess I’m just kind of stunned." Burt said "Hey, don’t worry. I’m already looking for a bigger house. One where everybody’s gonna get their own rooms. All right?" Aunt Carole said "Come on, honey. Be happy for me." Finn said "I am, Mom." Burt said "All right, now listen, Kurt, Mr. Wedding Planner, I want you to take care of one thing. I don’t care about the food or the booze at this party, but I want one heck of a band. I’ve been eating right. I’ve been exercising. And I want to boogie with Carole at this wedding. And I will boogie." Kurt said "All right. It’s already taken care of, Dad. I’m going to hire the New Directions as your band. Right? It won’t cost you a cent. They’re cheap, they’re available. Long story short…you’re having a Glee wedding."

"I've been planning weddings since I was two. My Power Rangers got married and divorced in so many combinations, they were like Fleetwood Mac." I said "I helped." They turned and Kurt dragged Kyle, Eliana, Kathleen, Olivia over. "I guess if I could pull it off, it would make me seem like a cool stud." Finn said. Kathleen said "Totally." Finn sighed and said "Thanks. It’s a plan. ." Finn left and we put Kurt between us. Karofsky aproached us but Kurt said "I don’t want you near me." Karofsky took one of Kurt's wedding figurines. "Can I have this? Thanks." He left with it. "Are you okay?" Mr. Schue asked. Kurt shook his head no. "Let's go to the principal, come on."

"Did he physically hurt you?" Coach Sylvester asked. "No."
"You said he’s shoved you into the lockers before." Mr. Schue said, "All three of you."
"Well, I can’t expel a kid for shoving. He’ll just say, “I didn’t mean to shove that kid, I tripped!” Excuse works like a charm. I use it all the time."
"He didn’t shove me this time. He just…terrified me." Kurt said. I said "He took one of your wedding figurines! The ones I lent you!" Coach Sylvester said "English, Lady, I can’t suspend a student because he scares you. High school is a dry run for the rest of your life. It’s rough. People can be mean." Mr. Schue said "That’s your advice? That’s all you have to say?" Coach Sylvester said "William, I was bullied my entire life. I grew up with a handicapable sister. I know very well how cruel people can be. Was it difficult? Yes. Did it make me stronger? You bet it did." Kurt said "It’s the fear that’s the worst. I never know when it’s coming, I can’t concentrate, I don’t feel like I’m part of this school at all. I feel like I’m in a horror movie where this creature follows me around terrifying me, and there’s nothing that I can do about it? I mean, you…You don’t know what’s going on in this kid’s head. You don’t know what he’s capable of." Mr. Schue said "What does that mean?" Kurt said "Nothing. Maybe I’m overreacting." Coach Sylvester said "English, Little Red, Lady, this kid lays a finger on you, you come straight to me, and I will expel him faster than a Thai take-out place can read back your delivery order. Okay? But until that happens, and I’m genuinely sorry to say this, there is nothing legally I or the school board can do." We nodded and Mr. Schue said "Come on, Kurt. We’re gonna be late for rehearsal." As we left, Kurt, Ruby, and I stopped in the doorway. Kurt said "You know, when you call us English, Little Red, and Lady…That’s bullying. And it’s really hurtful." Coach Sylvester said "I’m sorry. I thought that was your name. As an apology, I’ll allow you to choose from the following nicknames…Gelfling, Porcelain, and Tickle-Me-Doughface for Hummel. Lemon, Winnie the Pooh, and Techno for Potter. Little Red, Creepy Gnome, and Skipper." Kurt said "I guess I’ll go with Porcelain." I said "Lemon." Ruby said "Skipper." Coach Sylvester said "Damn. Totally wanted Tickle-Me-Doughface, Winnie the Pooh, and Creepy Gnome."