how much does it hurt to lose the one you love?
how much does it burn? love is supposed to be something that lasts forever, right? something that's happy and makes your eyes sparkle; something that makes you feel whole. love is one of the most powerful emotions, and when your heart's convinced you've found the one, it can feel like you're floating on a cloud built simply on the happiness that flows through your being.
except, love isn't always like that. love can be dark and twisted, can mean suffering and misery, and can break the very essence of who you are. some would claim otherwise, but love changes you. when love is good, you can find pieces of yourself you didn't even know existed. it can pull out secrets hidden in the depths of your subconscious, and flood you with emotions so forceful, it makes you see things in a different light. the love that is good makes you grow, makes you want to change for you, and makes you different. the love that is good shapes you and makes you better.
but the love that is dark, that's the love that twists your fears into reality and brands you with a type of pain that can't be easily shaken. the darkest types of love can change you too, in ways that makes you question if you ever really knew who you were to begin with. dark love can pull your insides apart and shred your heart into irreparable pieces that stay lodged in the emptiest parts of your soul, forever. dark love can damage you so much you lose yourself, falling deeper and deeper into feelings that can only end in destruction, making your reflection so distorted you can't even recognize yourself. love that is dark hides under false happiness and obliviousness, existing in the toxic hearts that hide under pretty brown eyes or soft voices drenched in desire; it breeds in the purest of loves, waiting, watching. love that is dark does not make itself known, nor will it grace mercy to those it's inflicted upon. love that is dark stays with you, haunts you and often doesn't make you aware of its presence. love that is dark is more common than people think.
when you put it like that, it would seem that love is not the picture perfect fairy tale it's been made out to be. it sends chills through your body and doubts into your mind as you hold your loved one closer and reassure yourself that the love you share is everything that is good. it makes you over analyze the things you've heard and the things you feel, sending cold insecurities to live in the shallows of your tender heart. or if you aren't intertwined with someone already, it builds the barriers you've had higher around your already hardened heart, justifying your cynical outlook on love and how you tell yourself you know you'll never let yourself be vulnerable enough to let someone destroy you.
and how foolish both those concepts are, to assume that you can control the kind of love that graces your path. how futile your walls and defenses are, how useless bleak reassurances and your swears of infallible love is. love is quite the fickle thing. there is no line between the light and dark sides of love, and no one, not anyone present on this earth has the ability to control the kind you'll receive. you cannot simply find love, no, love is brought to you. disguised as lessons or tragedy, gifts or punishments, hand crafted and specialized to test everything you've ever believed to be true. even if you make it your life's mission to deter yourself from love, it will find you. there will always be one love that changes everything for you, whether you want it or not.
there's no way to have either pure or tainted love, there is no way to distinguish which one fuels the various relationships you'll have in your lifetime. the truth, the whole truth that no fairytale, no romance novel, and no sappy cliche will teach you is that for as long as you live, each and every love you experience will be infused with both sides of the scale. there is no such thing as perfect love, and there is no equilibrium to balance how much of what side you get. nothing is certain in love.
that, right there, is why so many love stories end in indescribable heartache. we blindly fall into the person that we've been brought to believe is the one for us without ever thinking of the consequences that follow. we give ourselves to this person that we optimistically trust to treat us the way we've dreamed about, without taking into account what we're really getting ourselves into. we assume that when the only thing we've ever experienced with the person we love is happiness, there's nothing that could happen to change that. we trap ourselves, throwing caution and reason into the wind and relying on the misconception that your heart will always lead you with the best intentions in mind. falling in love is falling apart and being put back together all at once, only you can't naively believe that every time you fall apart, the pieces of you will be put back in the right places. love is a gamble, a risk of whether or not to ruin ourselves to feel short periods of pleasure in endless loops of pain.
love deceives us, presenting itself in sculpted smiles, scorching touches and electric kisses. love is a game, and the people who fall are always the ones losing.
and this, this is the story of how a boy and a girl fell recklessly in love, a love that was viewed by everyone around them as pure, and how that boy came face to face with darkness lurking beneath it. told in letters and dates of the tale of their epic love, and the life altering way they fell apart.
A/N:
Cover by the lovely and immensely talented stylesoftimothee thank you so much, love!
YOU ARE READING
losing you; gbd{rewritten & edited}
Short Story{ATTENTION: THIS BOOK, WHILE STILL VERY SIMILAR TO THE OLD LOSING YOU, IS REWRITTEN. I REPEAT, THIS IS A REWRITTEN (and way better) VERSION OF LOSING YOU} a series of letters never sent from a young boy on how he lost the love of his life. started:...
