losing you; gbd{rewritten & edited}

letter #5 [edited]

June 9th, 2017

4:42 am

letter #5

I used to be a mess before you. I was someone with no direction, no clear goals—someone who didn't really know who they were. I used to be someone who didn't try that hard in school, someone who got caught up on the weekends with friends and someone that thought life was all about fun. I never felt like I had a purpose, like I had meaning; until you came around.

I remember the night we first met like it was yesterday. You were at the corner of Wexler and Dean, in a tight pair of jeans and that big band shirt I would come to learn you won in a contest one time when you were out with your best friend. You had no idea who I was and I didn't know you; we were absolute strangers crossing paths at the exact same time.

I exited the pizza place, phone in between my shoulder and my ear, annoying twin on the phone. "Yes, Ethan I got your stupid pineapple pizza!" I wasn't watching where I was going, not in the slightest, much too focused on rolling my eyes at my brother's demands.

It was at the same time you had decided to jaywalk, darting across the road, not watching what or who was on the other side.

We collided fast and hard, boxes tumbling out of my arms, pizzas ending up on the sidewalk with a terrible squelching noise and me almost falling down with them. "Fuck!"

The curse fell from my parted lips as you caught me in your arms, my eyes shut tightly. All I heard was a humor-filled, airy voice. "You can open your eyes now, dude."

I did just that, looking up at you, and feeling my brain rearrange in the craziest way. I ran my eyes over your face, registering the moment my entire life held me in their arms for the first time.

"I look like a total damsel in distress right now, don't I?"

You chuckled, the same noise that I would come to memorize- in all its varieties. "Yeah, you do." You raised one of your thick, dark eyebrows at me, "Aren't the roles supposed to be reversed, here?"

I shrugged, wide grin on my face. "I guess. But I don't really mind."

You shook your head at me, before letting me go, and I remember almost plummeting to the ground- again.

I saved myself this time, straightening out and give you an incredulous look. "So, you save me from falling, only to let me go unannounced and possibly make me fall again?"

You shrugged, "You're heavy." A hint of a smile peeking out from under your indifferent expression.

I laughed at that. "I'm Grayson." I remember sticking my hand out, like a fucking idiot, for you to shake.

You looked at it with a sparkle in your eyes. One that took my breath away and erased everyone else in the entire world. To this day, I haven't been able to forget about that goddamn sparkle.

You finally took my large hand in your much smaller one, shaking it several times, saying the words that set it all off for us. "Hi Grayson. I'm Rena."

And nothing was the same after that.

I remember you walking into the pizza place to wait with me while I got two more pizzas, and I remember being so distracted by the way the light hit your face that I forgot to add pineapple to Ethan's pizza.

I remember every detail about the night we met. The day our paths collided and my life changed for the better in every single way. I remember how you looked, how you smelled, the way you laughed as I tripped over my words trying to ask you for your number. And I still remember the way you smiled at me, god, that fucking smile, bright and beautiful and so genuine, before you walked away. That smile was the single greatest thing that ever happened to me.

I remember it all. And I don't think I could ever forget.

I hope wherever you are, you still remember too.

Grayson.