If Not For You

Chapter 29

Even though it was early the sun was shining and it was warm.  They made their way to the beach and it was already pretty crowded.  They weaved in at out of the crowd to get as close to the water as they could and stepped out of their shoes.  The girls dropped their towels and stripped down to their bikinis.  Jax and Ben started throwing a football back and forth where the waves were breaking.  Lena and Jenna held hands and fought the waves until they made it to the sand bar.  They sat down and let the waves wash over their laps.

        Jenna sat there with her face to the sky.  She really was enjoying herself being away from her real life.  Lena spoke first.  "So what happened last night?  You need to spill.  Jax said that when Ben opened the door he was in his boxers."  She was looking at Jenna even though Jenna still had her eyes closed.  Her expression never changed.

        "Well we didn't do anything but talk last night.  This morning though..."  Jenna looked to see Lena's face as she let the sentence trail off.

        "What, you had morning sex?  Oh my gosh Jenna.  How do you feel?  Are you okay?"  Lena showed a mixture of concern and intrigue.

        Jenna glanced over at Lena, holding her gaze.  "We didn't have sex.  We just made out a little.  I was thinking about it though.  I don't know if I am ready or not.  I mean obviously I'm not a virgin but I also didn't have any choice in that matter."  Jenna winced at the memory.  "I mean a part of me just wants to get it over with.  Maybe the faster that I associate sex with something other than tragedy, the faster I can get over the tragedy?  Does that sound crazy?"

        Lena thought a moment before she responded.  "I don't think you are crazy.  What you’re saying makes a lot of sense but you also don't just want to have sex with someone unless it means something.  You know it is going to mean something to Ben, maybe more than it will mean to you."

Lena knew what she was talking about.  She had sex with several guys when it meant more to her than it did to them.  And Ben was one of them.  It had been weighing on her guilt for some time, the fact that neither Jax nor Jenna knew about her and Ben.  She knew it was practically a lifetime ago but she wasn't sure how either one of them would react.  It's bad enough that she might lose her boyfriend but now she might lose her best friend too.

Lena watched the boys tossing the ball back and forth.  They had somehow recruited some younger boys in their games and they were having a great time.  Jax was great with kids.  His little sister, Laura was practically his life.  She knew she wanted to be with Jax, for the long haul, but this secret was enough to rip them all apart.  Jax and Ben were best friends.  Lena hadn't meant to keep it from Jax and Jenna it just never seemed to be the right time.  When is the right time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with their best friend and tell your best friend you slept with her boyfriend.  Plus she knew she couldn't blind side Ben like that.  They would both need to be on the same page before either one of them told.  Lena almost jumped a foot when she felt a wet hand on her shoulder.  It was Jenna, "are you okay?  You look like you just lost your best friend."  Jenna's statement almost brought Lena to tears.

"I'm fine.  Maybe just too much sun."  Lena shrugged.

"Are you sure?  You know you can talk to me about anything?  Not all the drama needs to be revolved around me."  Jenna laughed out loud.  "Why don't we go get a drink or something on the boardwalk."  Jenna stood up and reached down to pull Lena up out of the water.

"Okay sounds good."  Lena needed to find an opportunity to talk to Ben alone.  They need to figure this out before tonight.  She knew it would be worse if Jenna found out after she had sex with Ben.  Jenna was planning on this being a good experience to cancel out the bad and Lena couldn't imagine how much worse this would end up if she felt she was betrayed by the two people who cared for her the most.