Story Of A Searching Girl: junior year

June 3, 2017

At this point, I honestly don't know what I am doing wrong. Am I doing something wrong?

Yesterday, my friend Ethan, from the swim team, threw a kick back to start of the summer. A few people he invited were Emma, Ryan, Robby, and I. Emma and I were going, but Ryan and Robby said they weren't going to go because their dad took the car to San Diego. I offered to give Ryan a ride there but he also thought it would not be very fun. I asked him if he ever changed his, he only lived down the street from Ethan so it wouldn't be a hassle. Ryan just said I could come over his house and hang if it got boring or at the end. I told him "We will see."

I was the first one there. For the first 15 minutes, I was worried no one else would come so I told Ryan I was going to stay at Ethan's. However, people started coming. The second person to come was one of our friends named Mara. I didn't know she was coming and she didn't know I was coming. So, we both asked who else was coming.

"Emma, Chris, Austin, Kitari, and oh crap." he said.

"What?" I said very hesitant.

"Cindy, Sam, and Makayla are coming." he said.

Oh great. The group of girls I hoped not to be in contact with for the rest of my days of high school are coming.

Me: Hey Ryan, I am about to leave to go to your house. Ethan invited a few girls I am not on the best of terms with.

Within the next fifteen minutes I left. I told everyone I was going to Starbucks.

It was a long 40-minute walk in the heat. I called Charissa so I could stay entertained and not be bored. I told her I was walking to Ryan's and she was not very happy about it. She said he invited me over for sex. I told her that he didn't. He wouldn't. He was the one who kept saying he didn't want to. Besides, if he did want to do anything, we couldn't because I was on my period. Just in case she was right, we practiced saying no and reasons to say no. I felt pretty safe and comfortable. I felt as if I had nothing to worry about.

When I got to the front of the gated community, I got off the phone with Charissa.

Ryan lived in a trailer home community. It was quite and very humble. When I finally found his house, I was happy. It was a hot long walk and my feet started to hurt. Also, when I got to his community it took even longer to find him because the homes' addresses weren't on google maps.

He walked me inside his house. The first thing I did was put down my purse and take of my shoes by the couch. I feet were hurting so much. The house was a mess and small. He walked me to one of the rooms in the house. The TV was on this Netflix show called Riverdale. He tried getting me into it before, but I thought the plot was pretty boring. I sat on the bed and he laid in the bed.

"Whose room is this?" I said.

"It is my dad's. Do you want to see mine?" He replied and I nodded in response.

We walked out the room to the room right next to his dad's. It was a white room that was one third the size of my room. Only two things were on the walls: a poster of a girl in a bikini and the American flag I gave him for his birthday. The 3x5 American flag covered majority of the wall and his twin bed took up all the space in the room.

"I like your room. I also like the shade of blue that is on your bed sheets." I said.

"Thank you." he said.

Then we walked back to his dad's room to watch more TV.

"Hey you are really sweaty." he said.

"Well, that is what happens when you walk for almost an hour in the heat." I laughed.