Story Of A Searching Girl: junior year

January 11, 2018

I could officially say, "2017 was the worse year of my life."

I don't even know where to begin.

Well let me start with something good.

Pot. Marijuana. Weed. Mary Jane.

It goes by many names. Me and Charissa have code words for it: Popcorn and Churros. Either way it only does one thing to me. It makes me feel better. I wouldn't call myself a pot head but whenever I have free time I will buy weed and get high. I don't smoke. I orally consume marijuana with edibles. Ha ha. I don't know why, but I love saying, "Orally consuming marijuana." Fruity Pebble Rice Krispy Treats are my favorite ones. If time doesn't heal all wounds, pot sure does.

I also got a tattoo. Never thought I would get one so young. I got an Owl and a Dreamcatcher and underneath them it says Serenity Courage Wisdom.

I went to Disneyworld for the first time. It was my first time in Florida.

But now it is time to discuss the event that lead me to rule 2017 as the worse year of my life.

What a surprise would it be if I said, "Ryan wanted to try to get in my pants." It wouldn't be any gotdamn surprise, right? It would be like any other fucking day this year. Now wait. What if I said Robby instead of Ryan. ROBBY. R-O-B-B-Y. Robby tried to get in my pants.

Now here is what really happened.

It was the Wednesday before the end of the first semester. I needed a ride to a wrestling meet. Robby was the guy I felt most comfortable asking to be in a car with. Other guys made me feel more uncomfortable because they make snotty comments about having sex with them or sucking their dick. I wouldn't want to take a risk to find out if they were just joking or being serious just because I needed a stupid right to a wrestling meet.

Robby had his dad drop us off early....about 4 hours early. His dad wanted to go Christmas shopping and Robby hates shopping. It made sense to be, but I did not expect his hatred to be so strong to be at a different school so early where we would literally do nothing. But I was okay with whatever, so long as I was at the wrestling meet on time. But no. He had a plan that I never saw coming. He wanted me to fulfil sexual desires, but I did not have any intentions of fulfilling his wishes. So, it went on like any other time this happened, until we got caught. Security caught Ryan with his pants down and me sitting down. Of course, that does not look right, but nothing happened other than Ryan failing to persuade me to fulfill his needs. Long story short, Ryan nor I got in trouble because we had perfect records. Ryan didn't get in trouble because I did not press charges. The thing that made me the most confused was Robby's dad banned either son from speaking to me again. But what did I do? I try helping him. Robby is a really cool and funny guy and I put up with his bullshit. Is it my fault his sons are the way they are? I didn't ask for any of that to happen but I dust it off my shoulder to keep a friend whom I see potential in. I just wanted a friend.

So now,

the wrestling coaches don't think of me as that wise girl they once saw

the wrestlers think I am easy

I lost another friend

I lost trust in my parents (I got my license the other day but I can't drive nor get a car because I am untrustworthy)

I lost hope in being the bigger person will make my life better because no

2017 I lost so many things and I am tired of it. However, December was very eye opening for me and I learned a lot. 2018 will not be the same. I am going to use what I learned to have an even better 2018. I will make sure of that because I have a more realization of my life and what happened to me in 2017. I will make everyone pay.

I was sexually assaulted.