Age is but a Number & State of Mind (Fan Fiction - Harry Styles/Liam Payne)

S2E4

We gaze deeply into each other's eyes and remain frozen, never averting our attention to the world around us. "You're so beautiful." I crest his face with the back of my hand and then cupping it, he kisses my palm.

Last night, I'd fallen asleep in Liam's arms with his head gently rested against mine. It's been a while since I've had the nightmares- the ones dealing with that night and the moment Harry saved me. How could Liam destroy the dreams Harry only temporally vanished from my sleep?

The dawn seeps through the curtains, and a sharp excruciating pain starts to flutter in my chest. It's the anxiety that soon washes over my body. The time is approaching- I'll have to say goodbye to Liam.

I turn until we are completely parallel to each other. Tears slide down my cheeks as I attempt to speak. However, I only bring myself to whisper, "Liam? I..."

"Wait. Me first." He pulls my body close to his, "I've decided to quit One Direction. I don't think I can fathom the thought of losing you over them. You're too important to me."

He can't. I won't let him make this mistake. "You can't. I won't let you throw away everything for us."

"Madyson, Harry is in 1D. I will never let him hurt you again. I promise."

"Liam. Stop!" I shove him off and ascend from the bed. I pace back and forth, not even caring about where my feet take me. "It's not just about Harry. This is too much. I can't handle the responsibility of providing you with the happiness you deserve. Because the truth is, you could never experience the joy that I know you can with someone else. I will be the burden that blames myself for being your biggest regret every time I ..."

I try to turn but he catches my wrist. He embraces me, "I love you. I wish you could see what you do to me. How you teach me to love. The beauty, the kindness you share with those around you. When I'm with you, everything becomes perfect ecstasy."

"It would be easier if we ended things here."

"What are you talking about?"

I stare through him and conceal any readable emotion. I display a numbness and empty expression. I need Liam to hate me, "I love the materials you can give me."

There's a long pause and he sighs before I hear a response. "This isn't you."

"Are you sure? You've only known me for a month in a half!"

"I know you're lying."

"There's no use for you anymore. Now that you know, I'm not amused anymore. You should really leave." I unlock the door and gesture for him to get out.

He grabs my shoulder and forces a kiss. I'm so close to giving in when he pulls away. "Madyson, look at me. I'm not giving up on us." There's a sparkle sitting on his tear duct, but there will always be with me.

I scoop up his belongings and push them onto him, "Don't call me either."

He lingers in the doorway before he goes, "I will go, but I will never stop loving and always think of you."

He walks out of my room and I close the door behind him. I drop to the floor and cry. I did what I said I didn't want to. I convince myself I had to spare him from further trauma.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

It's been seven months. The first three months he calls, then he stops. The rest is filled with depression. I gradually develop these habits of never leaving my room, sleeping for days, ignoring food, and I constantly weeping. I imprison myself with all things Liam. I subject myself to reading articles about One Direction, addicted to following Liam's career. My mother takes me to see a psychiatrist, but I never talk and so I'm prescribed medication that's not strong enough to actually work. My parents try everything, but they run out of options.