Sweet Silence ~AWalkingDeadFanFiction~

18. Don't

Ellie had the day off. This meant her dad didn't trust her enough to let her keep guard. Ellie guessed Daryl had told him what had happened when they went to meet the Governor. Daryl still hadn't given Ellie her gun back.
Ellie didn't know what to do with her spare time. She decided to seek out her brother, she didn't have to look far as he had basically moved into her cell anyway. He wasn't in there today, though he was getting ready like the rest of the group were. She looked around for him.
She walked passed Glenn and Maggie's cell and noticed they were still sleeping. Glenn was holding Maggie to him, Ellie figured they'd get over their little domestic quickly. Ellie sighed to herself, she'd felt so isolated lately, so lonely.
The baby's cries interrupted her thoughts. She looked up to see Beth and Carol fussing over it. Carl was up there too, Ellie sucked in a breath and went to go see him.
She still didn't know how she felt about the baby. It did end her mothers life and she was supposed to treat it like family, which it might not even be given her mother's relationship with Shane.
"What's going on up here?" Ellie asked hesitantly.
"We're just feeding her before bedtime," Beth replied happily. Ellie looked to Carl who was carefully watching the baby.
"Right," Ellie nodded, "what were we calling her again?"
"Judith," Carol told her, "Carl chose it."
Ellie looked up at Carol. She was thankful for Carol, she was good with Carl and Ellie knew he needed someone like her right now.
"Judith." Ellie repeated.
Carl was watching Ellie now, "did you wanna hold her?" He asked.
Ellie didn't know what to say, of course she didn't want to hold the baby.
"I, um...she's about to have her lunch, I don't know if that would be...wise," Ellie told him.
"Well, you can't just keep ignoring her. She is part of the family now," he said.
Ellie's eyes widened slightly, "I'm not ignoring her."
"Really?" Carl shot, "you didn't know what her name was until now."
"Well, it's not really a priority right now, Carl," she snapped
"Is it because you'll think she'll die soon, is that it?" He argued.
"No," Ellie replied abruptly, "I couldn't care less whether she died or not."
"Ellie!" Beth gasped and clamped her hands over her mouth, "that's your sister."
Ellie looked from the baby to Beth, "no it's not."
She walked back down the stairs, she was almost at the bottom when Carol caught at her wrist.
"You have to be careful what you say around him," she warned.
Ellie raised her eyebrows at her, "it's the truth."
"You don't know that," Carol's tone reminded Ellie of her mother, "and he doesn't need to hear stuff like that right now. He's in a delicate place and he hasn't gotten over Lori's death well."
Ellie hesitated, "I'm sorry, I'll be more careful next time."
Carol was silent, she put a hand on Ellie's shoulder.
"Can you tell him I'm sorry?" Ellie asked her, "and please don't tell my dad, he's got a lot on his plate right now and he doesn't need little shit like this."
Carol nodded, "ok."
Ellie turned and left again. Heading down the stairs and out of the cell block. She knew she wasn't supposed to but she didn't care right now. She almost ran through the doors of the next cell block, she didn't know when to stop, luckily she ran straight into Merle. The force nearly knocked her off her feet.
"What the fu-?" She cried on impact, when she straightened up she found him looking at her.
"What are you doing in here?" She snapped.
"Personal business," he replied, "what about 'chu?"
"I was unaware you were let out of your cage yet," Ellie said, "I am simply looking around."
"Looking 'round for what?" Merle asked her, "a good time" he smirked and made a pelvic thrust with his hips.
Ellie made a look of disgust at him, "no."
"Worth a try," Merle shrugged and kept walking.
Ellie sighed before calling out, "wait."
He stopped mid-step and turned. Ellie took a step towards him, "how long do you think it would take to get from Woodbury to here, on foot?"
He gave her a strange look and replied, "about a day, maybe less."
Ellie nodded and went to continue her walk before spinning around again, "what are you doing down here, honestly?"
"Honestly?" Merle repeated in his raspy voice, "looking for a holiday."
Ellie was confused momentarily then she got it, "you're looking for drugs?"
Merle shrugged, "why not?"
"Why not!" Ellie snapped, "I don't know, maybe because we have the potential to be attacked at any moment!"
"Sweet Jesus, you sure do have a mouth on you," he replied.
"How could you be so selfish!" She cried.
"Go to hell," he said cooly.
"Fuck you," she replied, "you don't get to just take a break. Just because you feel like it!"
"Don't pretend you don't want to, bitch."
"Of course I want to, you dick! We all want to! Don't you get it?! We don't just get to take a fucking break because we want to."
"Don't whinge to me, kid. I don't give a shit what you think is right or wrong, and I don't have to listen to what you, or your daddy has to say."
Ellie was quiet, Merle and her eyes were locked onto each other. Daring one another to make a move.
"You talk tough, Dixon. But deep down, you are fucking scared just like the rest of us," she sneered.
"You don't know shit. Even if you did, I wouldn't listen to you, just like nobody else does!"
Ellie shoved him.
"Fuck you, you white trash, scumbag!" She yelled.
He pushed her back, harder. "That's it you little bitch!"
She fell on the ground. Looked up at him and kicked his right leg out from underneath him.
"You gonna beat on me now, asshole!" She kicked him in the side and stood up. He grabbed her by the ankle and pulled her over, her head collided with the ground and her ear went numb and fuzzy. She put her hand on it, and Merle climbed on top of her. He used his arm to slowly crush her windpipe. Ellie's eyes went wide as she began to lose her breath. She clawed at his arm before punching him in the face.
She straddled him and sunk her thumbs into his eye sockets. All of a sudden it wasn't Merle anymore, it was the Governor, and she jumped off him and backed away from him until her back met the cool cement wall. Tears poured down her face. Her hands went to her ears and she was shaking.
Glenn and Carl came in in a hurry. Glenn was yelling at Merle, and Carl came to her side.
"Come on, get up," her little brother said. Ellie closed her eyes.
"Just leave me," she replied, "just leave me here."
Instead of leaving, Carl sat down next to his big sister. They both sat in silence for a while. Ellie enjoyed it.

"Do you miss mom?" Carl asked after they had sat in silence for long time.
"Of course I do," Ellie replied, "she's probably better off now though."
Carl sat up and looked at her, "how can you say that?"
Ellie remained as she was, "why not? There's nothing out there to live for, and she doesn't have to suffer anymore, it's better."
Carl stared at her, "I guess you're right."
"She's not," a voice echoed through the hallway. Ellie and Carl both looked up, their dad stood there. He walked over to where they were sitting and crouched down in front of them.
"You can't say there ain't nothin to live for," he told Ellie.
"Then what?" She replied.
"We have each other. Our family. And that is what we live for." He looked from Carl to Ellie, "no matter what!"
Ellie furrowed her brow and carefully looked at her dad.
"Don't," she said firmly.
He frowned back at her. She raised her eyebrows at him.
"You know what I'm talking about," Ellie told him. She noticed Carl watching them both carefully.
Her dad got up and left. Ellie hoped he wasn't going to do anything stupid, as she pulled Carl into her and leaned her chin on his head.