Journal- Transgender

13

Hey guys. Sorry for not writing again for a long time. I have been sad and happy. I have anxiety. Jeez it just feels like a million thoughts and I usually don't want to think of all of these things and I just want to stop thinking. I think I have told you guys (or girls or anyone in between or neither) that every night I am either on my phone or curled in a ball as still as I can be barely breathing until usually between 12 and 3 I fall asleep from exhaustion. And then I get up between 4 and 6 and im always so tired and sad.

Hey at least I had my birthday recently and I got copics and drawing materials and drawing helps me not to think so much for a while and drawing for some reason tires me out so rarely I can fall asleep at like between 11 and 1 so that's nice. Ugh sorry for being depressing but I also started to bind a little more regularly. I don't have a binder but I have been using bandages but only for 3-4 hours at a time and I stop once it starts to hurt or it gets difficult to breathe.

I also am hoping to get a screening with a doctor to get either medicine or a therapist. But I don't know if I can. Even if I got a therapist I don't know if it would help me. A friend of mine has had three and they didn't help her.

Okay last thing (I think unless I decide to add more). I have decided I'm going to try to get a screening this year and then in either a year or two I will tell my parents that I'm trans.  I think I have made progress, I have gone in the men's bathroom twice with no one in there.

Sorry I said I was finished but I also may have an opportunity to work as a part time illustrator for a book that's going to get published for a girl whos parents have been divorced twice (ouch) and she's trying to tell her story.

So that's fun.

I hope to write again soon,
Jaden