Journal- Transgender

22

So. I hate bathrooms now. Especially at school.

I got boxers but I can barely wear them because I have gym and I have to change and people are already scared of me.

I'm scared to go to the bathrooms at school because whenever I go people say why are you going in the girls bathroom or stuff like that and it might be people that don't know me but it sucks. I can't leave when anyone is in there or else people jump or ask me questions and it's just slowly killing me.

Cross country is the same. I can't get dressed in the locker room because people think I'm a boy that don't know me/ are in my grade. But just ugh.

Oh hey remember the friend who cut herself a lot? A teacher saw her cuts and got the guidance counselor involved and her parents and she's not allowed to be alone right now exept to go to the bathroom and shower and stuff and she can't be in her room and yeah.

I'm just glad she got help and she's seeing a therapist now.

So also I hate myself. I set my standards for life way to high and I can never reach them so I'm always trying to get to some point when I can be satisfied but the bar keeps getting higher and it just. Ugh.

I'm wearing more clothing that I like to school now and I'm going to wear my red pants to school later this week and I'm exited.

I'm also sad because I no longer have a girlfriend and that sucks. I miss her.  She thought we maybe could date again in a year or so when we're not so busy but I'm just sad not texting her anymore. I haven't had a conversation with her in a month.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

I'm done with this part so I'm going to run at this meet and fail because I'm super slow.

-Micheal