Journal- Transgender

25

So. I'm tired as hell, my disphoria is slowly killing me and my stomach hurts because of a stupid thing I shouldn't have to deal with for my gender. I am going to wear my favorite shirt and drink some tea today. Before I go for community service I am going to cuddle my cat, Thor. I am going to take a quick shower to avoid having to see the things I don't like about myself. I am going to look at a couple pictures of myself from a couple of years ago and see how far I've come. I'm pretty everything but I carry myself different and I wear clothes that make me happier now.

I can get through today. You can get through today. Let's do this shit.

Okay so the reason I'm doing community service is because I am doing this huge race this Friday and I have to have 10 hours of community service to participate because the community basically funds the race so we give back that way. I only need another 4 hours today so it shouldn't be too bad. Misgenerdering will be a problem since I'm with family but I'll go to a coffee shop or something alone later today because I always get called correct pronouns by strangers because I look relatively male. I haven't accidentally bruised my ribs since last time but I've been having dreams about my parents finding out I'm binding and that's kinda nerve-racking.

Also I'm having trouble with people. My ex girlfriend hot on my case because someone asked for my number and I gave it to them so she thought I was dating them. First of all it wasn't her business since we weren't aren't even dating but I was polite. Also the person that asked for my number said they liked me so that's something. I don't know her very well though.

Also one of my best friends told me they liked me. This is crazy. My ex aperently still likes me because why else would she get all weirded out by someone else. That someone else keeps holding my hand and I don't know whether that's good or not. My best friend likes me and I like her too but I don't know if she wants to do anything about it. Who. What. Help.

I'm still trying to figure out my orientation. I might be pan or bi or something but I'm unsure. I'm just going to stop worrying and just like whoever without labels. Cool. Good.

Now that that's out of the way. My step grandma asked me if I was trans. An increasing number of people are asking me this now. Help again. I just said that I was still trying to figure it out myself. Which I am. I know I'm trans but it's still a little confusing for me. Confusing is the wrong word. I'm Troubled? Idk.

So my life is a fun tornado and I'm still trying to work up courage to ask my parents for a screening. I haven't talked to a school counselor because I've been to nervous but I might soon.

I guess that's all I have for today. I'm going to do another q and a soon so leave questions and what you think I should do about the the people. Help. Please.

-Simon