Am I Not Good Enough

Chapter 36

ok so 5 votes??? i'll upload the next chapter monday, thanks for reading <3

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Chapter 36

I didn’t really know what to wear so I put on some jeans and a simple sweater, it was always cold by the lake at night, at 8:30 I walked out of the house and started towards the lake. There was quite a wind chill tonight, and by the way I was shivering told me that I wouldn’t last very long.

By the time I finally reached the lake it was probably 9, I saw the shadow of Dustin looking into the lake. I guess he was so into it that he didn’t even know I was here. I smiled and gently tapped his shoulder, “hey” I smiled. He turned in surprise and pulled me into a hug. “I know you had a tiring day so I figured we could sit back here and relax for a bit?” I nodded, that was nice of him to think about this.

We laid down on the soft grass, Dustin’s face shone with the soft glow of the moon, when I looked over at him he was staring into the sky. “what’s on your mind?” I asked. When he thought about something he usually spaced out a lot, something I’ve gotten to know over the years.  “nothing really” he mumbled. He was still looking up and I wanted him to trust me. “Come on Dustin you know you can tell me” I pleaded. “well I was just thinking about when you came back from the forest, and how you were so close with my brother, how did that happen all these years and I’ve never noticed you” he admitted. And now that I think about it, it was like that. I had always been attached to Chris and have never bothered  to give Dustin a second look.

“I don’t know, I guess that was just the way it was supposed to be” I shrugged.  We ended up knowing each other in the end, so I don’t see how the past matters right now.  “Yea, but I just don’t like how my brother and your so called best friend Jace are closer with you than me. I know you trust them more” he sighed. I didn’t really want to get into this but it looks like ii might have too.

“Because I spent my whole life with Chris, he taught me how to fight and he was always there for me. Jace, well Jace took me in and gave me a family when I didn’t have one. He helped me so far with all this rouge stuff and my dad. Jace has a big part in why I'm still alive today. I trust them because I depend on them” I didn’t realise what I was saying till it was out. the words just flowed from my heart, I really did need them, but I didn’t want to make Dustin feel bad.

“But we came and rescued you from your dad, you have me now too” he still wouldn’t look at me though. “Yea I do now” and maybe that was true. Maybe he’s here for good this time. “Over time I’ll learn to trust you like them. I just need some time to get used to this all” I wonder why he wants to know these things at a time like this though….

This is the first time he’s ever been curious of my Chris and Jace’s relationship. “I don’t want over time; I want you to say you trust me now. With everything in you May, I want to be there for you but I need full closure” he was pushing it a bit now. We had only started getting along; I didn’t quite let him in yet. “ I do trust you, it’s just not the same as what I have with Chris and Jace though. That takes time” I didn’t want to lie to him and I wouldn’t. He needed to face the truth and I needed to tell him.

“Why do you have something with other guys that you don’t have with me? I’m your mate, I should have what they don’t” his voice was getting an edge now and I had to be careful of what I might let slip.  “we only started getting to know each other now Dustin, you can’t expect me to dive head first in. Chris and Jace have nothing over you; they’re just my best friends.” God this guy was hard headed.

Why wasn’t he getting what I was trying to say! “Out of all of them it had to be Jace, why not Tara or something” he muttered. “Because that’s just the way it happened” I answered swiftly. I was losing my patience at him questioning everything between me Chris and Jace.