sober//joshler

IRONY

Tyler inhaled deeply, a deep sense of relaxation flooding through him as he shoved through the broad doors into the huge art studio.

Tyler lived and breathed art at this point. Before everything in his life had changed, most of his time had been spent at parties and looking after Josh. Now, saying as he and Josh were barely on looking at each other terms, he had a lot of free time.

Truth be told, Tyler wasn't the best at art. He had never had an intrest in it until the start of this year, which, saying as he only had two more years until college, was a bit late. But what he lacked in natural skill he made up with expression.

It helps an artistic career if you have a lot of problems, Tyler though to himself amusedly as he dropped his bag by the door and hurried over to his usual table.

The studio was fairly empty, even his professor wasn't here. The only other person, seated in the seat next to him, was an old friend, if friend was the right word, Gerard Way.

No, friends wasn't the right word. Even when Tyler had still been close with Josh he had never really clicked with anyone else in that circle if friends. And Gerard wasn't much different, at least not when he was partying. Desensitized to everyone else's feelings, annoying, rude, loud. Drunk Gerard was the same as drunk Josh or even drunk Brendon.

But sober Gerard was, admittedly, a nice person. He was quiet and thoughtful, always saying hi to Tyler, always complementing his work. In fact, Tyler really didn't have many problems with Gerard.

Except for the issue with Frank, who, come to think of it, he hadn't seen in a long, long time, but Tyler knew that wasn't really any of his business. It had happened recently, so the only details he knew were from Jenna, who was lab partners with Frank in Chemistry.

But Frank aside, Gerard was nice. With his almost old-fashioned striped blazer, scarf and black hair with striking teal roots, he was what a real artist looked and acted like. And he was a real artist. Although they never really spoke of it, both he and Gerard knew that, if he sobered up, Gerard's future would be one in art, probably comic books or something.

Whereas Tyler, well...

Tyler chewed his lip slightly as he spread his work out on the desk, frowning. The theme for this semester's piece had been "change", which was ironic, if anything. Between losing Josh and losing his brother, a lot had changed recently in Tyler's life.

Gerard flashed him a small smile as he settled down. An open sketchbook page faced the black-haired boy, and Tyler could just make out the beginnings of an oddly familiar face.

"Hey," he murmuered, although there wasn't really a need to be quiet.

"Hi," Gerard whispered back, setting his pencil down.

Tyler nodded at his sketchbook. "What's that?"

Gerard shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. "Dunno, really. Just a random doodle."

Tyler squinted. No, the face was known to him. He just couldn't place it with a name. "Looks like someone I know." He frowned.

Gerard smiled, a little sadly. That was another thing about sober Gerard. He seemed perpetually depressed.

"I guess," he muttered. "It's Frank, actually. Well, it's meant to be."

Tyler nodded slowly, irritation bubbling deep inside him. Maybe if Gerard thought things through, he wouldn't've ditched Frank for Bert fucking McCracken. Nice or not, Tyler found it hard to sympathize with Gerard here.

"Thought you were with Bert now," Tyler remarked softly, careful to keep the edge out of his voice.

Gerard sighed. "Yeah. I guess I am." He paused, looking over at Tyler. "How did you know that?"

Tyler twirled a pencil in hus fingers absentmindedly. "I see you around a lot. And Jenna has math with him. He brags about you a lot, apparently."

Gerard's smile fell short of his eyes. "Does he?"

Tyler shot him a look. "Do you even like him?" he asked seriously.

Gerard's smile vanished. "Of course. He's my boyfriend."

Tyler nodded slowly but didn't respond. He knew when to drop the subject.

They worked in silence for a few more minutes, Tyler rummaging through his progress photos of his piece and Gerard hard at work on his completely-platonic sketch of Frank. After a while, Tyler found himself, to his internal horror, asking,

"So how is everyone?"

Gerard didn't look up as he responded. "Good, I guess. Looking forward to Christmas. Pete and Mikey just had their five month anniversary and Brendon asked Josh out."

Tyler's heart stopped for a moment. His hands clenched into fists, a sick, cold feeling washing over him as he looked up.

"What?" he asked, not bothering to keep the unreserved pain and disgust out of his voice.

Gerard grimaced in an equally disgusted manner. "Yeah. I was shocked too. So was Ryan, unsurprisingly enough. Poor guy keeps getting fucked with by Bren."

"What did he say?" Tyler demanded, knowing he didn't want to know the answer.

"He said yes." Gerard gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, man."

Tyler wanted so badly to shake the news off. It didn't matter. They weren't dating, they never had been, not really. It was only a matter of time before Josh found someone else. Only a matter of time, nothing Tyler should worry about. Because it wasn't his fucking business ans he didn't care about what Josh did, as long as he stayed out of his way.

Right?

No, not right. Tyler rubbed a hand over his face. Not right at all. 

"Who am I fucking kidding?" Tyler muttered under his breath. Gerard tactfully looked down.

He certainly wasn't kidding Gerard. Nor Jenna, from the recent conversations they'd had. And turns out he couldn't even kid himself into thinking that he was over Josh fucking Dun with his stupid hair and terrible posture and shitty personality.

He should've hated Josh. After everything that happened, it only made sense.

And he did. Tyler knew he hated Josh, the burning feeling in his stomach that formed whenever he saw his ex-friend couldn't be mistaken for anything else.

But despite all that hatred, he still loved Josh.

That was the terrible irony of everything.

He still loved Josh.

"Fuck," Tyler breathed out, gripping his sides. He felt sick.

"You okay?" Gerard asked sadly. He knew the asnwer. They both did.

Tyler hadn't been okay in three and a half months.

"I'm sorry," Gerard muttered, looking somewhere around Tyler's knee. "...yeah."

What was he even sorry for? Probably noting specifically. Just a general apology. 'Sorry your life is so shitty', maybe? Who knew.

Not Tyler.

And probably not Gerard either.

This was junior year. The year of fun. The year of friendships before their final stretch. the year of love and youthfulness, or whatever other sentimental crap.

So why did everything suck? Not just for him, but for Gerard, with his mistaken engagement with Bert. Or for Frank and Ryan, both dumped by boys they loved. Or for his family, their holidays ruined by one single casket, one single flag.

Tyler sighed again, picking up his pencil.

He almost had to laugh. The irony was amusing, if nothing else.