sober//joshler

NEED

"You won't fucking believe this." Tyler had barely sat down before his mouth was open and he was talking.

It was lunch and he and Jenna were seated in their usual spot, the table by the door. They normally sat alone, just the two of them. They weren't bothered but they weren't avoided. They were simply acknowledged and passed on.

It was nice, in a way. Lunch was the one time he could guarantee freedom from Brendon and crew. They never seemed to eat, always outside, smoking by the bleachers.

Jenna had a math book open by her plate of questionable Mac and Cheese, but she shut it abruptly, looking up at him in concern.

"What?"

"Brendon and Josh are dating."

The expression of shock on Jenna's face was almost comical as she stared at him for a solid ten seconds before shaking her head.

"You're joking," she muttered, knowing full well that he wasn't.

"Yep," Tyler smiled tightly. "What the fucking power couple. Jesus, I hope Brendon gets hit by a fucking car."

"Tyler," she reprimanded him gently. But he knew that she understood how pissed off and upset he was at this news, and he knew that if he was going to lose his mind, Jenna would understand and sympathize.

Jenna hadn't been Tyler's friend when he had hung out with Josh. Truth be told, they had never talked before Jenna had found Tyler sitting outside school on a bench at 12:40, during what would be his english class, crying. It was early September and she sat with him for nearly an hour, in the freezing cold, as he explained the whole mess of his situation, in tears throughout most of it. After that point, friendship between them was inevitable. Neither of them were popular, and both needed a friend. It just so happened that they happened to get along great, although Jenna's life was far less problematic than Tyler's.

"I know," he muttered, picking aggressively at Jenna's textbook. "It's just..."

"Shitty." Jenna said, more as a statement than an offer of words. "Wow..."

"I know."

They sat in silence for a few moments, Tyler's stinging eyes boring into his hand and Jenna's expression still wildly amazed.

"It won't last," she said after a while. "You known it won't."

"Doesn't make it any less awful," he remarked icily. "That's like telling someone with terminal cancer that they won't have it forever, because at one point they're gonna die."

Jenna frowned at him, ans Tyler sighed deeply, resting his chin on his hands. He knew he was being overdramatic, but he figured he was allowed to be so, even for a moment. This hurt, more so than Tyler thought it ever could.

"We knew this was gonna happen," Jenna ventured. "We talked about it, right?"

And they had, which was the particularly awful thing. Not two days ago had the conversation of Josh dating come up. But at the time it has seemed perfectly ridiculous to Tyler.

He has still been entertaining the fantasy that there was some semblance of affection for him in Josh's drunken cesspit of a brain.

So much for that.

"Maybe..." Jenna started to say something, but trailed off. Tyler raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe, oh, I don't know, maybe this is for the best?"

"How so?" Tyler asked in clipped tones, wishing Jenna wouldn't explain, knowing that whatever she said would be logical and probably true.

"Maybe you can move on," she offered, brown eyes cast down to her lap. "He's a bad person, Tyler. You know it, I know it. You need to let him go."

Tyler snorted. "Easier said than done."

Jenna sighed sadly, checking her watch. Lunch was already almost over. "I know," she said, gently squeezing his hand. "I'm sorry."

Tyler shrugged and smiled half-heartedly. "Don't be. Who knows, maybe I will get over him."

Of course he wouldn't. But it made Jenna smile, so it was good enough for him.

"I gotta go," she said, standing up, untouched food in one hand. "You good for tonight?"

Tyler shrugged. "I dunno. My parents..."

Jenna nodded, sadly again. She was the only other person who knew what had happened to Jay. He hadn't told a single other person, not even Gerard, not even the school therapist. The information was safe with his best friend, and that was all he needed.

"Take care," was all she said, squeezing his hand one more time before hurrying off. That left Tyler, stranded in the middle of the lunch hall, alone.

If he looked in just the right direction out the window above the salad bar, he could see Josh's boots.

Tyler shook his head, more out worry for himself than anything else. He needed to let Josh go. He needed to kill off the part of him that still cared for him.

He needed to.

For his own sake, if nothing else.