sober//joshler

MESS

Tyler couldn't go back to history after that. Not only would it mean 50 minutes of dealing the brain-numbing asshole that was Josh's boyfriend, but he knew Jenna wouldn't stop questioning him until he cracked and told her what was going on.

Not that he knew himself. He didn't know why now, all of a sudden, he was feeling the way he did. This had been going on for three months, probably more by now. He should've been used to it, and he was. He had trained himself to just ignore Josh. To ignore his parents, ignore the things they said to him in the darkness of that little kitchen. No matter how much it should've hurt, he just shut it off.

But yesterday he had felt that punch from his mother. He had felt it physically, he always did. But that time he had felt it mentally. She had hit him, the one woman who was supposed to love him, hit him, and for the first time, he cared. And Josh. It wasn't like they hadn't fought before. Nearly every time they interacted they fought. It had never bothered Tyler. But the past two conversations had left him shaking and miserable. Even now, his bands still trembled in his pockets. He was seconds away from a full-blown collapse.

He needed to seperate himself from everyone.

So within five minutes, there he was, hands pressed against the cold glass doors of the art studio. He smiled, despite himself. At least he'd always be welcome here.

He pushed open the doors and gave a small noise of surprise at the sight of the all black figure that was Gerard Way curled up at the end of their table, squinting down at his phone.

"Gerard?" Tyler asked softly. The boy looked up, and the panic on his face was unmissable before it was hastily covered up with a smile.

"Tyler!" He smiled, then frowned. "I didn't think you had a free period now."

Tyler sank down into a chair next to him. "I don't."

Gerard gave a small "oh" of understanding and turned back to his phone, his frown deepening. He chewed on his nail silently, eyes boring into his screen.

"You okay?" Tyler asked after a moment.

Gerard looked up, and this time he wasn't even bothering to hide the anguish in his face. He looked like be hadn't slept in a week, which was saying something for Gerard.

"Yeah," he muttered, the promptly shook his head. "Fuck, no. I'm not."

Tyler felt a twinge of sympathy for the black-haired boy. Out of all the people in Brendon and Josh's crew, Gerard was the kindest. And even if he had been an ass to some people, Tyler knew he meant well. He had been caught up in the glamour and misery of the parties, just like Tyler. 

Just like Josh.

"What's wrong?" Tyler asked softly, shifting forward.

Gerard chewed on his thumbnail for a moment, still anxiously scrolling through his phone.

"It's Frank," he said after a long pause. "I...no one's seen him in a long time. He isn't answering calls, texts, nothing. I'm...fuck, I'm really scared. I know he's had a rough time recently, and I-"

Gerard broke off, knuckles going white around his phone. He shook his head wordlessly, dark eyes dazed and sad.

"I know it's my fault. I fucked him over, I know. I...if anything happens to him, it's on me."

Tylee sighed. He knew he should've protested against Gerard said it wasn't true, if Frank did something stupid, it wouldn't be his fault.

But he was a shitty liar, after all.

Gerard smiled sadly up at him. "You're not arguing?" He said it flatly, like a statement rather than a question.

"I'm sorry."

Gerard shook his head. Tyler had never seen his friend like this, beaten down ans destroyed. It hurt, it really fucking hurt.

"Why is everything such a mess, huh?" Gerard asked bitterly, to no one in particular. "Why the hell is everything going so terribly? It's Christmas, for God's sake! We should be happy! But instead Frank's off who knows where, I've never felt worse, you look like you want to die, Ryan hasn't spoken to anyone in three days, Mikey's barely home anymore and Josh is so depressed he almost overdosed last night."

Tyler didn't have the energy to react to that last comment, even if it made his heart skip a beat. It was only a matter of time. What with that scum Urie encouraging Josh every step of the way, things were only going to go downhill.

"It's the trip," Tyler said suddenly, the realization dawning upon him. "Everyone's freaking out about the trip. Ten days alone, stuck in the same room with the very people you can't stand, with the very people you never want to talk to again?" Tyler laughed dryly. "I know I'm scared. And Ryan's probably not thrilled with Brendon, and Frank's just lonely."

Gerard echoed Tyler's dry laugh. "I'm such a shitty person," he groaned, rubbing his face with his hands.

"No," Tyler shook his head. "You're not. Sure, what you did to Frank wasn't great, but you're not a shitty person."

"How so?"

"Well, shitty people don't feel bad about breaking hearts. You want a shitty person, just look a Brendon fucking Urie."

Gerard laughed, a bit more genuine this time.

"He is a dick." he agreed.

"Why do you still hang out with him, then?" Tyler asked, genuinely curious in spite himself. He knew Gerard wasn't the only one in that clique who felt that way, so why did everyone follow that asshole's beck and command like he was Jesus.

"He gets us shit." Gerard shrugged simply. Maybe the whole issue really was simple, when you took all the heartbreak and drama away. "I may try to be nice, but i still have issues. I need those drugs just as much as the next guy does." Gerard's smile turned hard. "I'm just as fucked up as anyone there."

"But you're not mean." Tyler reasoned. "There's still hope if you still care."

"Yeah," Gerard didn't seem convinced. "I mean...Josh still cares, but look how he acts. It's only a matter of time before he turns into Brendon. Before we all do."

Tyler didn't know what to say to that. The idea of Josh still caring was wild in its own respects. The idea of Josh losing that last good bit of him was even worse. Ans the idea of Gerard becoming just as cold and manipulate as Urie made his chest ache.

"You won't," Tyler promised. "I won't let you."

To his credit, Gerard just grunted and didn't press any further. Tyler didn't know how he would stop any of this.

After a long pause, in which Gerard proceeded to bite his remaining nails to an incredible length, Tyler spoke up again.

"Are you going on the trip?"

Gerard looked up, frowning. "Maybe. I don't know if I wanna."

"You should." Tyler nodded slowly. Maybe this was a final chance to fix everything. Not just for him and Josh, but for everyone who had suffered because of the drink and drugs. A second chance. 

An opportunity to get sober.

"Why?" Gerard's voice had taken on a hopeless edge. "What's gonna change?"

Tyler shrugged. "Nothing. Everything. But it's with a shot. We don't really have anywhere else to go but up."

//this is really bad I'm so tired slksjksjsakksk//