' Jesus Christ Frank get your shit together, Gerard is your friend and he always will be, remember what he said ''I promise nothing will change our friendship at all'
If only I could believe the debating running through my mind.
We were walking to Gerard's house, I could still feel him glancing at me every once in a while (Being correctly paranoid wasn't just an every now and then thing). He hadn't stopped his slight observations after the incident in the kitchen involving the iron.
I felt so guilty; Gerard thought my behaviour was because of him. In a way it was partly his fault but mostly my own. I couldn't be attracted to Gerard, it would break him. Hell he was only getting the hang of a friendship never mind having a relationship, with me or anyone else. But I couldn't help feel attracted to him, he practically swept me off my feet with his diversity to everyone i knew in Jersey. I wanted him to know how he made me feel because he deserved it. It would give him at least more confidence in himself and it would free myself of all my fears of sexuality. Most of all however, I wanted him and only him.
I decided I would reveal after the 'party'.
Gerard walked a steady yet eager pace, it took me about three steps for every one he took, Mikey would be in the house when we got there. To say I had never met the guy, Mikey seemed a really good brother. Just the expression that spread instantly across his face whenever Mikey's association in a conversation or memory made me think that Gerard's and Mikey's relationship was a strong one. I had no siblings, I never really took notice of what I was missing out on until Gerard told me about Mikey and some days I felt a pang of envy every now and then.
"Hey Mom!'' Gerard's child-like voice chimed through the living room, I only realised I was smiling until Gerard winked at me and sent my heart fluttering at a hundred beats per second.
"Buttsex boy!" I heard a dark chuckle yell, Gerard giggled and turned pink. I snapped my head round to see Mikey Way. Tall and slender with straightened hair that spiked in a few places. He was really skinny compared to Gerard, yet still looked healthy and athletic. His glasses sat on the end of his nose but somehow he made it look cool.
Mikey and Gerard laughed together as I stood at the side, mouth ajar.
"Dude that insult was so two years ago," Rolling his eyes in a humours way, he turned to me and smirked "Frank you’re going to swallow a fly, Its not like first time you've heard a joke like that. Mikey isn't homophobic he just likes to make fun of my past nicknames." Shooting a sly wink at me.
"W-what the" I stammered, wasn't Mikey supposed to be this high almighty, supportive and caring older brother? He just insulted Gerard the second we walked in, I felt my fingers curl into my palms and them to heat up slowly in anger. Only to be gently brushed over by Gerard's fingertips which instantly made my hand clasp against my side, his touch sening a pulse up my arm. I heard a gentle sigh come from his mouth in my action. A surge of guilt made me tild my head to the ground. But then in all my stupidity I remembered that it was an intentional joke, I mentally scolded myself and felt my cheeks flush.
Mikey was the first to speak, in a dark chuckle ''So Frank, you’re the one keeping Gerard from insanity nowadays?" He seemed so calm yet there was a slight tone of serious in his voice.
I didn't know what to say, this whole scene was new to me.
"U-uh um yeah I guess so." I seemed to be choking on the air trying to form words. However in any normal situation a person would feel awkward and discomforted by new company, I had no idea why I was so nervous. I felt my bones would break and snap in a violent chain reaction any second from the amount of nerves causing tension under my veins. Either it was the whole social part of the evening or the fact I was going to be in serious confusion with Gerard later on was the concluding stimulus.
