It’s rather unsettling how one’s mind can switch from happy to sad in the shortest time, whether it be due to intoxication or another person’s action is irrelevant. The chemical reactions inside someone’s mind are far too quick for humans to comprehend. The transmission of emotions is something I came to hate quite regularly. One minute I could be on cloud nine, next I could be on the brink of relapse. It confused and frustrated me more than anything and I just wanted out. Most of the time it was Frank that would pull me out of the feelings of pain and loneliness I had grown to enclose myself in, as much as I welcomed his intentions, I couldn’t understand why. I was not worth anything, Frank was better off without me. Yet he stuck around, which only strengthened my feelings for him.
We were led, entangled, on the couch together. The faint sound of our breathing was the only sound in the living room, Mom would be home soon. I bit my lip; I would have to tell Mom about our new status as a couple. I was eighty-seven percent sure that she already knew something was going on between us which was more than friendship. Chuckling to myself lightly, Frank started to stir and propped his chin up on my chest, raising an eyebrow.
“What?” He smirked, I only laughed more
“Mom” Flicking a lock of hair that had fallen over his face slightly I winked at him.
His face flickered to a worried look, “W-what about your Mom?”
“She’s gonna adore and act motherly to you even more when she finds out we’re ‘together’ y’know” He blushed slightly, which I found rather adorable.
“She already acts like a second mother to me, I don’t know why” His face glowing another shade of pink. I hated the way Frank saw himself as a lower life. Like he wasn’t worth all the attention I was so eager to give him. “Speaking of which I need to go home later today because my Mom is coming home and I want to uh be there for when she gets back..” He continued, placing a small kiss on my shoulder, “..And maybe you could come with me? T-to meet my mom?”
“Sure Frank, I just hope she likes me..Or doesn’t hate the fact that her son isn’t with another guy.” I hesitated; What if Frank’s mom rejected us? I don’t think Frank could go through any more pain of feeling alone and guilty without the constant seeing of his mother since what went down with this Dad.
Frank sat up and swiftly put his feet up on the nearby coffee table. I copied consecutively, slouching against him. “Nah man, she’s not a homophobe, my Aunt is Bisexual and has a wife” Grinning, Frank squeezed my hand reassuringly. “Actually Gerard, there’s something I wanted to ask you..” Looking at me curiously, I couldn’t deny him a question with those eyes. He could probably get away with murder with just an innocent look and those eyes. Those watercolour paintings of angst and passion were his eyes.
“Mm, What is it?” I purred slightly then caught myself and blushed.
Frank giggled, then paused and looked at me nervously, “What e-exactly I-is your sexuality..?” I thought about the question. All honestly I didn’t really know. I didn’t really think much about it, love is love right? It didn’t matter about the details of gender as long as you found that person who fitted you just right, like those charm necklaces with the two halves and the soppy indentations of ‘Best friend’ or ‘Together forever’ written on them. “..Gerard? I’m sorry if I offended you” Frank kissed my cheek in a reassuring way. I blinked and realised that I hadn’t answered the question.
“I don’t…Know...” it felt weird saying it aloud. I watched Frank’s face soften with relief, I couldn’t understand as to why he was happy about this but he continued my sentence.
“Neither do I, well I think I do sorta’, Pansexual?” I nodded, I was well aware of the term but had never dwindled on the thought, Frank carried on, “I read it somewhere and I thought about it, but really now all I really want is you” Giggling at the last part, Frank cupped my face in his hands and kissed me chastely. I could kiss Frank forever; he always made every fraction of a touch and seconds to be the most sweetest and happiest, even if they were only everyday things. I would never tire from it. They filled my brain with bubbles of energy and gave a warm glow in my stomach and buzzed in my throat and I needed it, as it was something I sorely lacked the past six years of my life.
“I think I would only ever want you Frank” Smiling radiantly he took my hand.
When we arrived near Frank’s house his Mom was stood by the door smoking a cigarette. She was a rather pretty woman; kept most parts of her youth and had a complimentary figure to show for it. When she noticed us approaching she smiled sweetly and waved. Frank’s face lit up at the sight of her. The resemblance was strong, Frank definitely had her genetics in height; they were both really short. I bit my lip in hesitation, what if she didn’t like me? Not many people did and I was very bad at first impressions. What if she made Frank and I stop seeing each other? Panic, fear and a slight sick feeling came over me like a shockwave. My hand in Frank’s tightened quickly and he shot me a quick look with a concerned look. I couldn’t breathe, small stuttered choking noises escaped my mouth and the quick intake of oxygen made my head spin.
“Gerard.” Frank’s voice was a faint whisper but grew louder very quickly, “Are you listening to me? Gerard! Look at me, breathe.”
“What’s wrong sweetie?” A new voice, female emerged among the mix, Frank’s Mom. “C’mon Frank stop flailing get inside both of you just need to calm down” A slight chuckle in her tone reassured me slightly.
Frank’s Mom was a sweet heart; she understood completely what I was going through with the anxiety issues. When Frank was out of earshot, (She had sent him out to get hot chocolate and he, reluctantly, went alone) she really opened up to me, “I had a lot of depression and anxiety issues when I was your age, and it carried on ‘til I had Frank..Then it seemed he made it all go away, even when his father left I knew I’d be okay because Frank was there.” I had complete empathy for her, and the common denominator in both our happiness was Frank.
“To be honest, ever since I moved here Frank has been the only one who really made me happy and I understand what you’re saying, he really does make it go away.” I smiled up at her and she gave me an adoring look.
“I’m glad he’s found you Gerard, ever since he left, Frankie has been distant and never really gotten close to anyone.” A small, sad smile spread thinly across her lips, “He didn’t like being intimate and personal with others, but the way I saw him worry over you like that must mean you made quite and impact on him” She winked, I blushed, She chuckled. I was developing real admiration for Frank’s Mom, she was really down to earth and cut most the crap most adults would cover up their past but she treated me like I was a friend. I really needed to get something off my chest about mine and Frank’s relationship at this point and it seemed to fit the topic we were talking about,
“I’m glad I found him too, don’t tell him this h-he might think I’m weird but, most of my life I’ve felt like I’m a shattering jar.” Nervously I ran a hand clumsily through my hair, this metaphor had been on my mind a lot lately and I wasn’t sure it was ready for words as of yet, “Some of the pieces are missing and I’m slowly breaking but ever since Frank, I feel as if he’s starting to fit in as the missing pieces and this jar isn’t just me now, but it’s us” I looked down blankly at the counter we were sat at, I felt so dumb and foolish at this point. But it felt right to say it out loud.
The next voice wasn’t Frank’s Mom, I thought she would chuckle again but the other voice, “You really think that Gerard?” A pair of toned arms wrapped round my waist a small kiss was planted in the crook of my neck, Frank. “I don’t know what to say, Gerard, I can’t fix things for shit.”
“But you said you wanted to help when we first met, and you’re doing a fine job so far.” I cupped the back of his head with my hand twisting my head and pressed our lips together once more. I briefly lost myself in the moments and rhythm our tongues slowly danced at, and was oblivious to Frank’s Mom holding up her phone and gushing a loud “Aw!”, a faint click soon followed, She had taken a photo.
***
This chapter is bascally just to fill in and see how frank and Gerard act as a couple,( sorry for the short legnth) as from now the plot will really start to kick in, i dont know as such how long this fic will be i'm just going to keep writing until i feel it should end. enjoy
