LOST

19. SAPNA

~ Sapna ~

Aadi stood at the coupe door struck with confusion as his eyes danced back and forth between me and Vatsal.

"Could you excuse us for a minute?" He asked Vatsal.

I knew he wouldn't answer so I said, "He's with me."

"Are you guys in love or something?"

"What? No!" I shrieked.

A slight relief crossed his face and then he jerked Vatsal's arm and dragged him out.

I wanted to go after him but I was too taken aback by his presence to even move. The train shifted to a start, and I jumped up from my seat, heading out to look for Vatsal.

Just then, Aadi bumped into me.

"Why do you always hang around with kids?"

"One, he is not a kid. And two, we were not hanging around." I was furious at him. For reasons more than one. Some I didn't even want to admit to myself.

Who did he think he was to intrude into my plans?

"Where is he?" I asked, panic rising in the pit of my stomach as the train began to move.

"He went home."

"What do you mean he went home? He was supposed to accompany me to Valsad!"

He held my shoulders and pushed me gently so that we were inside the coupe. His eyes never left mine. "Next time, find someone who's brave enough to not let go off you so easy, Princess." And then he sat on the berth staring out the window.

"And what do you think you're doing here, Mr. Brave?" I folded my arms across my chest, glaring at him. I didn't know why but I was exceedingly pissed off at him.

"I'm coming with you."

"I don't need a babysitter. I can take care of myself," I extended my hand towards the chain, ready to pull the train to a stop.

The second I touched the chain, he got up, held me by the waist, turned me around and pressed me down, seating me on the berth, while he crouched and kneeled in front of me.

"Sapna! What is wrong with you?" His perturbed voice made instantly me realize how stupid I was behaving. "You're going to a place you don't know of. You're all by yourself. And this is how you act with someone who is trying to be nice to you? Someone who doesn't even know what you're up to but is still ready to take your side just because..." He looked away, breathing heavily.

I couldn't have felt more ashamed. Ever.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to apologize, but no words came out of my mouth.

"I'm sorry," Aadi said, his eyes sincere. "I don't like it when you talk to me like I'm your enemy. I'm sorry I blew up. Are you okay?"

Of all the things he could have said to me like how imprudent, ridiculous, stupid and immature I was or how nice, sensible, lovely and caring he was, he asked me if I was okay?

While my muscles had lost all the ability to move, my eyes chose differently. They blinked unceasingly for about ten seconds, before Aadi grunted and got on his feet.

"Can I ask you something, Sapna?"

I forced a brief nod.

"What are you up to?"

How would I explain everything to him?

One thing I was sure about, he knew something about me that I didn't, given all the arguments between him and my parents. But I couldn't confront him just like that.

Plus, I wasn't yet ready.

"Can we talk about it later?"

"Okay," he said, and sat beside me.

"Who was the girl?" I asked him, after an endless discussion with myself over whether to keep quiet or come off as a desperate girl.

"Which girl?" He looked dumbfounded.

"The one who you were having a passionate time with."

He burst out roaring. "Uh, her. I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know," he shrugged. "She confused me for someone else, I guess."

"That is ridiculous."

"Should I be glad because you're jealous or should I feel sorry for your conventional thinking?"

I gasped. "Did you just call me an envious orthodox?"

"Sapna, I don't know her. No strings attached," He held both his hands up in defense.

"Okay." Strangely, I felt reassured.

"What about you? Was that little guy your boyfriend?"

"Vatsal? No!" I gigged, feeling better than before. "He is Chintu's friend. I didn't want to go alone so I had asked Chintu to come along. But he said he had work that couldn't be left on others. So he asked Vatsal to join me."

"That guy is messed up, you know that?" He shook his head.

"Maybe," I shrugged. "He doesn't really talk much."

Aadi nodded and made himself comfortable as he sat up and extended his legs on the seat, facing me. I copied him and now our legs were crisscrossed; our faces watching straight into the other.

"What do you think about me?" He asked me.

I looked at him in confusion, not understanding his question.

"You've known me for some time now. What do you think of me as a person? Analyze me," he explained.

"Okay," I thought for a few seconds before I spoke. "You're attractive. So much that I'd rate you a four and half stars on five. You are smart. Caring. But there is something... strange about you. I don't know, like there's something inside of you weighing you down. You can be odd sometimes. And you are really sweet."

He gaped at me. Then blinked, shaking his head.

"That was," he cleared his throat. "Thoughtful."

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked him.

He tilted his head to the side, his gaze leering me, and a perfect smile formed on his face.

I smiled back.

I didn't know why but I did.

"Yes."

"Story time it is!" I sang.

"Well, I met her when I was very young; yet old enough to know what love was. She was this little package of madness. Beautiful. The first time I saw her was at the beach, building castles out of sand. Or so I had thought when I watched from a distance. When I got closer, I actually noticed her work. She wasn't making castles. She was making a home. Like the kind of shelter everybody needs. Plain, simple yet satisfying. I looked at her face; clear, round with soft cheeks and eyes that shined so brightly. The moment our gazes met, we knew that was it."

The curve never left his lips. And somehow, I couldn't stop smiling myself.

"We spent so much time together; it grew harder when we were by ourselves. Every day, I woke up wishing the day wouldn't end. She was my world. Everything I had."

"Why are you talking in past tense?" I couldn't help but ask given his stiffness and the grimace hidden under that smile.

"I lost her."

"What do you mean you lost her?"

"One day, she just left," he shrugged. "But I know she's out there, waiting for me. I know it."