Dear Me

Thoughts

Author's note

This chapter isn't edited. It's also just Rene's thoughts on everything that has happened to her. Enjoy!!

Rene's POV

Just sitting in that cell made me think of what life could've been. The thought of being human. The thought of growing old and being able to see my children happy with their kids. Now that I look back my life, I just see a life of misery and death. I never got the chance to be happy. That is until I met James. Then i thought there was hope in my life. Hope that i can live a simple life with my mate and best friend. Of course it was snatched away from me.

From the first day of me becoming a vampire, I have been miserable. Living in this endless hell that I can't escape is just a dream come true. Not. Xavier is just one of my problems. I tried to kill myself multiple times. I know it's ironic but it's the only way to get close to death. I know once I die, I'm not going to heaven. More like hell. It has to better than this right? 

I had everything that I could ask for. but the day of the fire, which Xavier started, ruined everything. He told He started the fire because he wanted me. He said I was "the perfect specimen". I just... I don't know. I couldn't allow myself to catch feelings for the person who started this all right? Wrong. I fell hard. I thought what we had was real. He made it feel so real. I thought we could be together even though we weren't mates. Some thought right? I sound like a teenage girl right now. Anyway, I was really wrong. He brought her home and I didn't know  what to think. I was broken. I was more broken than broken if that makes sense. it felt like my mate died right in front of me. Those hurtful things he said to me and beating me to the point where I was almost dead. 

Raph and I have been there since who knows when. He saved my life. I am truly grateful for those times where he put his life on the line for mine even when i told him not to. We were a thing back in the 1900s but we decided to break it off because it clouded our goal for revenge. His family needed justice and so did I for all these years of sorrow. I had his back when he lost hiss cool and ran in to one of Xavier hideouts. it was a trap and I came in and took the blow for him. That is when Raph and i decided that we will never do any reckless thing without the other knowing the plan. But we all see how that went. Again and again, I still do reckless things without him and he still rescues my ass everytime. I am lucky to have an asshole like him as a bestfriend.

I know this isn't my diary and you guys were expecting an actual chapter but i just wanted to get the feelings off my chest. I am a vampire who has seen a lot in her time. I have been hurt more times than you have been to Disney World. I plan to make my life right by paying for my sins and living a life of good. I will deliver justice to myself and Raph's family. I owe him that much. He did make me what I am today. As for meeting my mate, I am happy I did because he makes me happy and keeps me going. I can tell that Raph isn't to fond of the idea that he has a mate but he will get used to it. 

As I lay in that cell, I think of my terrible life and i still keep my head up. I defy the odds that I could fail at killing Xavier. But who knows. The future is pretty bleak.

Author's note

I promise the next chapter will be how they got Rene out and the showdown between them and Xavier. Stay Tuned my readers.