i hate you » carl gallagher

two - 3:01 am

noel

I was in a wonderful sleep until my phone began to ring. I jolted up thinking it was my alarm. I picked up my phone off the charger and saw that Carl is calling me. What the hell does he want? I looked at the time and it read 3:01 am. What the fuck? I hesitated but finally answered, knowing that if I didn't he would just keep calling.

"What the fuck, Gallagher? I'm trying to sleep," I said, an irritated tone in my voice.

"Meet me and Nick under the L. Hurry," he said and quickly hung up. What the hell was that about? Carl always called me in the middle of the night, but it was never to meet him places. It was just to talk. After a few minutes of debating, I finally got up. I picked up a hair tie off the table next to me and put my hair up in a ponytail. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants over my shorts and grabbed a hoodie out of my closet. I tip-toed downstairs so my parents wouldn't hear me. I quickly put my shoes on and checked to make sure I had my phone before I left.

The night breeze was cold. I quickly walked to the L. I really want to know what this is about. It was a short walk and I spotted him sitting on the ripped up, old couch under the train tracks. Nick was standing, looking around like he was on guard or something.

"I hope this is important," I said, walking towards Carl. He took a hit of his cigarette then put it out.

"You could call it that. What's up," he asked, making me scoff. I really, really don't have time for this.

"You seriously called me hear to ask me 'what's up'? Seriously, Carl? I don't have time for this," I said, crossing my arms. The wind blew, breezing right past me, making me shiver. Carl stood up and walked closer, I took a few steps back.

"Seriously, Noel, I'm not gonna hurt you. You look cold," that cocky smirk of his slowly formed on his face as he began to wrap an arm around me. I pulled back, pushing his arm away.

"I'm fine," I said, throwing my arms down at my sides. He put his hands up in an 'oh well, your lose' way.

"I wanted to talk to you about us," he blurted out. I put a confused look on my face, even though I already knew what he meant.

"What about us," I asked, the irritated tone still wrapped around my words. He rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"You know what I'm talking about, Noel," he said.

"Look, we were bestfriends. Now, we're just two kids who used to know eachother," I told him. It broke my heart to say those words. I don't know why, maybe because we've been bestfriends for 13 years now, ever since we were in headstart together. Maybe it's because I have these feelings for his deep down in my heart that I'm not ready to admit yet. You hurt me, I thought to myself.

"Ouch. That hurt, El. But, I think you forgot about what happened before I left," he said, walking closer once more. I looked away at a red car parked across the street. "You know, about that kiss." I felt his hand touch my chin and I didn't realize how close he was until just know. He began to lean in, but I pulled back. His cocky smirk turned into a confused, yet hurt, frown.

"Look, it was one kiss. That doesn't make us a couple and it doesn't mean that we're in love. It doesn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything," my words were cold lies. That kiss did mean something. It really did and I've just never admitted it to anyone, not even myself.

"You and I both know that's a lie. And you know, you can't lie to me because I'm still your best fucking friend. I can see right through you," he said, but this time, his words didn't slang. They were real. That means something right?

No, Noel. It doesn't mean anything, I said to myself.

"We're not bestfriends anymore, Carl. You know nothing about me," my words were harsh. I don't want to be harsh with him, but I can't help it. This vibe I have is telling me do the exact opposite of what I want to do. I saw how taken back he was at my words and guilt washed over me. I've always had this really soft spot for Carl that I just can't quite control.

"Yes we are. Don't even doubt it. I've known you since we were a year old. That means more than anythin'," he argued.

"No, that just means we're two people who've known eachother for a really long time," I argued back. "It doesn't mean anything."

"Yes it does. If it didn't how would I know that the only flavor ice cream you like is chocolate. I know that you rub your ears when your tired and you always have to have someone tuck you into bed, always. I know that you've always loved Sharpay in High School Musical because you felt like she was always so misunderstood and all she wanted was to be happy and loved. You hate tacos because your mom used to make them too much. You can't go a day without pizza rolls and if you run out you push everything out of the way just to get them. And you hate sharing your feeling with anyone. I also know, that you love me more than almost anyone and you know I feel the same," the words fell off his tongue like he's been meaning to say them for awhile now.

I'm speechless. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? I was quiet for a moment, not saying a word.

"Are you gonna say anything," he asked, hurt in his voice.

"What do you want me to say, Carl," I yelled.

"I want you to admit your wrong. I want you to jump in my arms and tell me you fucking missed me 'cause that's all I've wanted since I went to juvie." By this time, I was fighting back tears. Carl was never one to express his feeling through truth. He only really did that for me, which means something. The fact that he knows all of those things about me, means something.

I nodded, agreeing with his words as I swallowed my selfish pride and finally decided to admit everything that I've been hiding. I jumped into his arms, like he said he wanted, wrapping my legs around his waist. I squeezed as tight as I could.

"I missed you," I admitted. "I missed you so much. I'm sorry for never visiting or calling or writing. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for not admitting this sooner." Tears began to run down my face. I wiped them off on his jacket. I felt his arms tighten around my waist.

"I miss you, too. You know, I love you, right," he asked. Carl usually only told me he loved me when we were messing around and it wasn't 'I love you'. It was 'You know you love me'. But, never 'I love you'. Those words were the words I've been trying to get him to say to me for awhile now. Those three words together mean something so much more. They're real.

"I love you, too," I admitted, lifting my head up from the crook of his neck. He smiled. Not a cocky smile, a sweet smile. Then one I've missed so much these past months.

We both leaned in, pressing our lips together. Just like we did the day he was taken to juvie. The kiss was powerful, honest.

We pulled away when Nick decided it would be a good time to clear his throat. I lighty laughed as Carl set me down. I looked back up at him. He was only slightly taller than me.

"I'll walk you back home."

a/n: i know this is really quick, but trust me. they have a history and everything will be explained throughout the book. just bare with me.