How would you feel? (Harry Styles) || COMPLETED

40. If I Could Fly

May 16th 2015, Los Angeles

"Welcome back to LA Jade!" Louis walked to me and wrapped his arms around me like he always did when we hadn't seen each other for a while, "how was the flight?"

"Long" I grumbled, "how are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever" 

"I'm actually pretty good" he genuinely smiled

"You have to tell me something, don't you?" I raised my eyebrow 

"I'm kinda seeing a girl" he nodded, "I mean we've gone out a few times, it's nothing serious but it's making me happy" he shyly said

"I'm happy for you" I grinned 

"What about you?" he smirked, "have you talked to Haz?"

"We haven't talked in two days actually" I sighed, "I-I'm losing hope" I looked down

"I can't believe you two" he shook his head in disapproval, "does he know you're here?" he asked

"No" I shamefully admitted, "but let's get to work please, I don't want to ruin your mood with my emotional problems" I took a seat and stayed silent. That day, we had planned to work together on a song because Harry had told me that Louis was an amazing songwriter and I wanted to try and work with him. 

"He's gonna be even more pissed off when he sees pictures" he took a seat next to me, "but anyways, I've had this idea about this song for a while... have you ever felt like a person can bring you home anytime, even if you're on the other side of the planet?" he asked and I nodded, immediately thinking about Harry, "exactly, I wanted to write something that can express that" 

"What about if you write it from the other point of view?" I suggested, "like explaining how you really try to be someone's home everytime he's struggling?" 

"That's a good idea" he nodded his head while starting dashing a paper off. 

We worked for hours and, by the end of the day, we had written amazing lyrics with the help of some producers Louis knew and Liam, who had shown up just to say hi to Louis but stopped with us when he heard the first lines we had produced. 

"I was stumbling, looking in the dark, with an empty heart, but you say you feel the same... Could we ever be enough? Baby we could be enough"

"When you're lost, I'll find the way, I'll be your light, you'll never feel like you're alone... I'll make this feel like home"

"So hot that I couldn't take it, want to wake up and see your face and remember how good it was being here last night... Still high with a little feeling, I see the smile as it starts to creep in... It was there, I saw it in your eyes"

"I'll make this feel like home... Baby we could be enough"

We listened to the demo one last time before we decided to call it quits for the day. Louis opened the door for us and his face immediately turned pale as he saw someone in front of him. He turned to me looking like he had seen a ghost and, in literally half a second, I did the same. Green eyes were staring coldly into my blue eyes. 

"I didn't know you were already in LA" he stated, before turning to Louis with a questioning and hurt look on his face, "when did you get here?" he looked at me again

"This morning" I looked down, "I would've texted you... soon" I said. Within a second, his full lips were tightly pressed together, silently announcing his anger.

"We wanted to write a song together today" Louis stepped in, "do you want to hear the demo?" 

"I have a booked studio for the night so I actually need to get going" he gazed at us, "see you later?" he said, looking directly at Louis. He nodded and Harry walked away, without even saying bye to me.

"Harry" I said, he turned around, we stared at each other for a few seconds without saying anything before he went his way. I looked at Louis and he bit the inside of his cheek. None of us spoke but we both knew that I had to follow Harry so I did. As I reached the studio, the door was already closed. I hesitated but knocked as I heard some steps in the room. Harry was surprised when he realized it was me who was standing in front of him but didn't move nor said anything.

"Can we talk?" I asked, he moved to let me in and closed the door behind us. We took a seat next to each other and didn't say anything for a while. I took a look at him and his eyes were already on me. 

"I don't know what to say" he admitted

"What do you mean?" I bit my lips 

"I don't know what's the right thing to say, what's the wrong one..." he looked down, "I don't wanna fight because I don't wanna say something that would hurt you but I also want to yell at you because I'm utterly mad and disappointed" 

"You have every right to be" I placed my hand on his, "but you have to believe me when I say that I don't feel anything for Nick anymore and seeing him only reconfirmed that for me... I was thinking of you throughout the whole concert, I wanted to be there with you... and he's aware I'm with someone else"

"What pissed me off the most was that I had to find out on social medias... seeing those pictures... you don't even know" he said and I didn't answer, knowing he was right.  

"I'm not sure if this relationship is right Harry" I admitted, holding back tears

"What are you saying?" he closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, "and why are you suddenly so unsure?"

"You see? we don't talk enough... we never say what we mean... and our jobs will never let us live a normal relationship... maybe we're just not mature enough to handle it... " I finally admitted 

"Do you want me to give everything up?" he sighed

"Don't be silly" I shook my head,  "I'd never ask you something like that!" 

 "You don't want this anymore?" he ran his fingers through his hair once again, "I thought we were going strong... and I know it's hard for me to talk about my feelings, I know it would be easier if we had normal jobs... but all I know is that... everything would be worse if I didn't have you"

"I know that Harry" I sighed, "that's exactly the reason why I'm unsure... because these moments hurt ten times worse... it's so easy for me to love you that when I don't hear from you, when we fight, when we don't communicate, I feel physically and mentally in pain"

"So what?" he shook his head, "it's really rare for me to be this vulnerable with someone Jade, so please be clear once and for all" he looked straight into my eyes. I opened my mouth but I was interrupted by someone knocking and opening the door. 

"Harry!" a man exclaimed before realizing I was in the room too, "oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt anything" 

"You didn't" he bit his lower lip, "this is Jade Evan  and this is Johan Carlsson" he awkwardly introduced us, we shook hands and chatted for a few minutes about my music before I turned to Harry, who was staring at me with empty and hurt eyes.

"Let's just think about everything... and we'll figure something out" I walked to him and placed a kiss on his cheek, "we'll talk soon okay?" 

"See you soon" he put his arms around me and briefly held me tight, "I love you" he whispered in my ear and I did the same before saying bye and leaving the two boys behind. 

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Writer's note:

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