shattered

chapter 9

-Rose-

I feel the burn of the flames on my skin. I feel it on my skin, bones and flesh. I feel his hold tightening on my wrists.

"You're just like me Rose." He whispered in my ear, digging the cigarette further into my skin, I whimper from the pain, trying so hard to hold in the sobs and tears.  "Just.Like.Me." He said again, finally taking the cigarette away from my arms, but still holding my wrists. 

"We're both lonely, depressed, unwanted and we're both nobodies." He said putting the cigarette back on my arm and I shut my eyes, not wanting to see it burn my flesh again, it's enough for me to feel the pain as it is.

"But there's only one huge difference." He continues. "You're weak. You care about others, you love people. You're so naive rose."

 "You're always relying on that bitch Tiffany,  but you're so dumb if you think she actually gives a damn about you, and so is that guy you're fooling around with. He only wants your body darling he doesn't give two flying fucks about you. when are you gonna learn that?"  

"D-Don't call her a b-bitch" I said in a voice barely even audible. He looked at me and the scariest glare is on his face. I started to crawl back until I hit the wall, and with each step to the back I take, he takes one to the front until he's standing right in front of me. He puts his big hand around my neck and i started to gasp for air. I couldn't stop the tears this time. 

"She is a bitch, and you are a bitch. You'd be damned if you think i'll let you talk to me like that again." He let go and I started sobbing and coughing uncontrollably.  He laughed bitterly. "Cry baby." He muttered and then he left the house. 

I started getting up slowly and went up to my  bathroom as usual, to wash my face. I looked at my arm and I started to cry again. It was absolutely damaged, full of scars and bruises and now cigarette burns. I put my arm under the cold water, but didn't feel the the pain I expected. surprisingly, I didn't feel anything at all, it's like I've become numb all of a sudden. 

I went up to the roof as usual, but this time not to stare at the sky, but to cry. It's been a long time since I've cried like this. I know I cry almost every night but this time it's different. I'm not crying out of pain, I'm crying because I've had enough, because I'm exhausted. 

Exhausted from the pain, from the tears, from trying to be fine when I'm obviously not and am screaming inside for someone to help me. Exhausted from the man who claims to be my father which I highly doubt that. I'm tired.. Tired of crying myself to sleep every damn night. Tired of waking up again to the same routine. Basically, tired of living. 

I started getting up, tears still rolling down my face like a flood. I look down and I remember the day I went to that cliff with Adam, when I looked down at the water down there that day. I could picture myself jumping off that cliff that day. I want to jump now off the roof. What could possibly happen? I need to jump. 

Jump to release the pain I feel every damn morning when I wake up, every damn night when I go to sleep, and every damn time I look at myself in the mirror. Jump to stop feeling for once and for all. Jump to feel alive for once before I die. 

"Ro?" I heard a voice that made me stop completely, stop moving, stop crying, stop thinking and stop breathing. I back off from the edge of the roof and sat away from it, I look around to see the owner of that voice.

"Adam." I mumbled . "What are you doing here?" He climbed the tree to my roof and said. "Why were you standing that close to the edge? Were you gonna jump?" He asked walking closer so he's standing just an arm away from me.  "I asked you first." I said. 

"We were supposed to meet at the waffle shop earlier and when I realized how late you are I decided to come see what took you so long. But I came here to you, just a minute away from jumping off the fucking roof. Now tell me why on earth would you want to kill yourself!" He shouted and I remained silent for a while, debating on what I should say next. But I couldn't take it. "BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" I shouted back and he stared at me. 

"But why? talk to me Rose." He whispered, moving closer so he was sitting cross-legged beside me and our legs were touching. 

"Because i deserve to die Adam." I looked away, unable to look him in the eyes. I can't show him how vulnerable  and weak I am. 

"Ro?" He said, putting his fingers under my chin, making me look at him. "what happened Rose?" Tears started to form in my eyes again. I decided to tell him, because I need to get it all out of my system. 

I sighed. "I have an abusive father..." I said, looking him in the eyes.