shattered

chapter 2

-Rose-

i felt the pain through my whole body..rushing as fast as it can, out of that his hand.

"don't you dare come home late again! do you hear me? don't you dare!" he shouted at me.

"but...but it's only 6:30, i'm not..." i tried to tell him i wasn't really late, but i was cut off by another slap on my face and i felt the same pain again, except it's twice the pain i felt earlier.

"shut the fuck up! don't open your mouth again!" and because i could never argue with him, i did as he said and shut up completely. "now go upstairs i don't want to see your face now"

i went upstairs to wash my face from any blood, i washed my face then looked at myself in the mirror..i never looked at the mirror right after he hit me, because when i see blood on my face i just get lost in it, i get lost in me..the me that i can't find anymore.

so i look at myself to try to find me, the old me, the genuinely happy me...but i just never seem to find her.

i shook my head shrugging these thoughts off my mind for now. i took my phone and headphones and sat on the roof of the house, i always go up there after he hits me or just whenever i'd like to clear my mind.

the music is loud, blasting through my ears, sending me to another world, a world where i can somehow be my true self, where i can be me again, but still not quite.

my mind drifts back to earlier when i was at the waffle shop, when i saw that boy looking at me intensely, like he was watching every move and every breath i take. i gotta admit, it crept me out a bit, i don't really like when people are watching me. but i just wonder why he would watch me, i literally was doing nothing in particular, i was just staring at nothing thinking whether i should go back to my worst nightmare or i should stay a little bit longer.

when him and his friend got up to leave i gotta say i felt a bit relieved, but it made me realize that i too, should go back.

i noticed it was night already, so i lay there on the roof looking up at the stars...stars had always fascinated me, they're just amazingly beautiful, i could spend the whole night just looking at them without getting bored.

it was getting late so i got back into my room and got into my bed to sleep. i fell asleep after an hour and the last thought on my mind, was how long am i going to live like that? how long am i going to live the miserable life?