shattered

chapter 4

-Rose- 

" A-Adam,..i'm Rose" i finally said. i was surprised to see this guy- i mean Adam- again. he stopped walking and came back to my table. "Rose.. nice name, i like it." he said. "thanks." i said with a straight face, looking down at my hands. i just don't like people looking into my eyes, i feel like  i'm exposed to them, like i'm an open book to the person in front of me. 

"can i...uhh.." he said hesitantly. "yeah sure, take seat." i said, still looking down at my hands. he smiled then sat down in front of me.

"so..." he started but i didn't do or say anything. "why aren't you looking at me? if i'm making you uncomfortable i can just.." i raised my head up, cutting him off by my action.

"woah.." he said, his eyes widened amusingly. i frowned confusingly. "what?" i asked. "oh nothing never mind it's just..never mind" he said then looked away. 

he was blushing. wow. 

i started laughing. i don't know why, but i just did. wow it's been a while since i've laughed like that, even if it was for no apparent reason but it feels good. he stared at me like i was crazy, but i don't really blame him. then he started laughing too. everyone was looking at us like a couple of crazy people. 

"wanna go somewhere??" he asked me. i was taken aback a little by his question."where?" i asked him. "a place i go to whenever i'd like to think, i thought you might need to go there since.. well since you look like you have so much on your mind. it's a bit far though, just so you know." he answered.  

i checked the time on my phone. it was 5:30. "i'm sorry but i can't, i have to go back." i said, looking at my hands once again. "oh okay, do you..need a ride home??" he asked. "no, it's okay but thanks anyway" i said. 

"can i ask you something??" he said. " sure, what is it?" i asked. "look, i know we practically didn't really talk, but can i get your number?? if you don't want to it's totally fine though it's not obligatory." he said. i didn't say anything for a while. should i give it to him?? i don't really know him. but what could possibly happen? " no it's okay, you can have my number." we both looked at each other for a while, and then i gave him my number. 

"i should go now, but it was nice to meet you adam." i said with the smallest fake smile i could put on, just to show that i actually enjoyed his company, which is true. "it was nice to meet you too rose." he said with a smile, then i got up to leave the waffle shop and go back to my father.

i stood at the front door of my house thinking if i really want to go in there. i heard strange noises that i sadly, could recognize. i entered the house and here he was, my father on the couch with one of his "lovers" on top of him doing.. actually i don't even want to know what they're doing. i sighed and went upstairs to my roof.

i sit there thinking about what happened earlier with adam. i really don't know what made me tell him my name or what made me let him sit with me, but i guess i just needed something to distract my mind. i couldn't stop thinking, my mind was killing me. voices in my head saying i'll die the same way i've lived, lonely, miserable, shattered . voices in my head that screamed telling me that i'm worthless and no one will ever care if i lived or died because i'm a nobody. my father's voice telling me how much i'm a piece of shit that is useless to him and how much everyone who meets me hates me and how much i deserve to die. i needed a break from all that, needed a distraction. maybe it was a little selfish of me to let him sit with me just to keep my company, but i actually enjoyed his company even though we didn't spend much time together or really talked but i enjoyed even our silence. 

that's why i gave him my phone number, because maybe, just maybe, he would call or text me. maybe i could try to fix my life a little. i don't to live and die shattered, or at least i don't want to die just as shattered as i lived. 

my phone vibrated in my hand, i looked at it and was shocked. 

-unknown- 

'so about the place i wanted to take you, wanna go with me tomorrow?'

i guess i know who it is.