Page 492

Irritation

                 Illi's POV
        He hasn't touched me intimately on three months. Six weeks after the delivery we were allowed to go back to having sex, but he always says he's too tired or we're taking care of Martina.
     He only gives me quick pecks and that's only in the morning and before we go to sleep. Being the insecure person I am, I can't help but think he no longer finds me attractive since I had the baby. I have a large scar across my abdomen from the surgery the doctors had to do in order to stop the bleeding and that also had ripped the scar in my side from some man cutting me when I was younger.
     His touch makes me feel beautiful and wanted, but without that I feel like nothing. And I've fallen back into that hopeless ditch. That hopeless ditch of depression I've fallen into many times before.
    And I know it isn't just because of Jules. It's everything. My birth father has gotten back in contact with me and says that he now casually talks to my birth mom. Whenever I think of them, I think of my past.
   I haven't eaten in a week, when I do I throw it up. "I got her to sleep," Jules says as he enters the kitchen, interrupting my thoughts. I turn and look at him.
   "Dinner is done," I tell him. He nods and gets himself a plate as I continue writing. He sits down in front of me at the table. "How's work been?" I ask.
    "Nerve wracking," he answers. "I feel like I'm very fragile now since Martina was born. The last thing I want is to die when she's too young to even remember me."
    I place my hand on his. "Your not going to die, get that thought out of your head. You are going to watch our daughter grow up. Nothing bad is going to happen," I tell him. He smiles as he takes a bite of the food I made.
    "Is there something on your mind?" He asks me. I shake my head, looking at the keyboard. "You seem tense. Irritated," he adds.
    "I don't know what you mean," I lie. Truth be told, I am very irritated. We could be having sex right now, but no; were having a conversation that will mean nothing in the end. "I'm just stressed with the whole dead line thing and the editing. I'm sorry if I've concerned you." 
    He stands up and washes his plate. I stand up and make my way over to him and lean against the counter. "You know what, I'm tired of lying." His eyes shoot to mine.
    "Lying about what? Please tell me your not having an affair," he says. I shake my head.
    "No, I'm not; but I feel like how I did when you did," I snap. He sets the sponge down and makes his way over to me, leading me into the stool at the island.
    "Talk to me," he says, his eyes searching mine. I look down at our hands that are holding each others.
    "I feel lonely, I know your here, but I feel like your a million miles away from me," I start. "You haven't touched me in months, baby. You haven't kissed me the way you used to. I feel like you don't think pretty anymore since I've had Martin-"
     He shushes me. "Don't think that, you are even more beautiful since you've had her if anything. I'm sorry if I've made you feel alone. Truth be told, I'm scared to have sex with you now. What if I hurt you and it scars you again? What if you get pregnant again?"
     I move his hand to my waist as I stand. "I'm back on the birth control and I've gone to the doctor to make sure it's working properly this time. I need you, Julius. Please."
     He groans as he picks me up and puts me on the counter. Our lips attack each others with hunger as we undress each other. The sound if his belt hitting the sound puts a smile on my face.
     (Mature)
     He throws my bra down to the floor and takes one of my nipples in his mouth, sucking and nibbling. I tug at his hair as I moan. "Fuck," I groan. My hips move against him as he switches breasts. "Jules, stop. I need you now."
   He pulls away and rips my underwear. "I liked those," I tell him. He rolls his eyes and pulls his boxers down. He pushes slowly inside me.
    I grip his shoulder as our eyes stay glued together. "Slow," I tell him. He slows down the pace. I can feel the muscles in his back flex as my hands roam. My lips press kisses in his collar bones as he thrusts into me. "You feel so big."
     "That's cause I am," he groan. I laugh as I throw my head back, indicating I want him to kiss me there. When he does my body is set on fire. "Baby," he moans.
    "Gosh this is amazing," I sigh. His hand wraps around my neck as he goes harder and faster. "Don't stop."
    "I love you so much," he says against my lips. My lips part as I grow closer to my much needed release.
      "Fuck fuck fuck fuck," I nearly shouts.
    "Say my name. Who's making you feel like this," he says through gritted teeth. Beads of sweat cover his chest and forehead.
    "Oh, Jules," I almost yell.
   "Oh your so tight," he says. My back arches at his sexual words. 
     "Shiiit," I moan loudly as I reach my peak. His hands grip my sides so tight it'll leave bruises as he cums. He buries his face in the crook of my neck as he breaths heavily.
    I kiss his shoulder gently as I smile. He pulls back to look at me. "You look so beautiful. One of my most memorable times now."
    "What do you mean?" I ask. He blushes a little. 
     "You always are the most beautiful women ever, but certain moments stick out to me. Number one is when we got married; you have no idea how happy it made me when you walked down that isle with zero makeup. Second, when you got out of surgery after having Martina; there was something about the way you looked that made me realize just how truly lucky I am to have you. And now, with your cheeks flushed and heart beating fast with no cloths on, I know that I couldn't box gotten life anymore correct."
    I blink back tears. "So this scar doesn't lessen your attraction to me?" I ask, almost crying. He cups my face.
     "That scar saved your life," he says bends down kissing it gently. I wince a little. "It still hurts?" He asks.
     "Just a little bit. My doctor had to redo stitches at my last appointment cause they were all weird," I explain. I draw his lips back to mine. "Thank you for loving me." He grins.
       "I'm the one who should be thanking you." He moves my hair to my back as he moves down to kiss it. His phone goes off ringing, stopping him in his tracks.
    He pulls out of me, leaving me empty and gets his phone. "Hello?" He answers. I can't stop my eyes from roaming over his body. My mouth goes as dry as a dessert. "I'll be there." He hangs up and puts his boxers back.  "I'm sorry baby. I gotta go to work."
     I jump off the counter and put my undergarments back on. He comes back out in his uniform. "Be careful," I tell him. He lean down and kisses me.
    "Always am."
      ××××××××××
     I finish changing Martina and rock her in the rocking chair. My phone rings loudly. I stand and pick it up. "Yeah?" I answer.
     "Hello? I'm Carlos, Jules's partner. Is this Illiana?" He asks. My heat rate picks up.
    "Its me. Why are you calling?" I ask.
    "You need to get to the hospital as son as possible. He's been shot."
    
AN: I'm not even the least bit sorry, but I'm super proud of this chapter. Comment what you think will happen to him!!! Share!! Stay alive |-/              -Veah