Accidental Life (On Hold)

Chapter Fifteen

Clary's POV

It'd been a few days and Jace has been hanging around a lot. Tonight is the family dinner at Maryse and Roberts' so Lily and I were on our way there.

Simon met me at the front door and took Lily from me, mocking her babbling by doing it with her.

"Hey, Clare." I smiled as he kissed my cheek and we walked inside.

"Hi, Simon."

"Shoes and jacket by the door." I nodded and shoved off my black wedges, but kept my black sweater on since I was a little cold.

"Mama." Lily reached for me and I took her from my pouting best friend.

"What? I'm her mom, of course she likes me better." He laughed and we sat down on one of the couches in the living room. Izzy on one side of him and Lily and I on the other.

My cell started ringing and I picked it up, not bothering to look at the number.

"Hello?"

"Clarissa? Please, please, don't hang up. I miss you. I want to see you."

"Simon, take Lily." He did as I said and I stood, walking out the front door and shutting it behind me. "You've got to stop calling me, Jocelyn. I don't want anything to do with you." I spoke tightly, angered by just the sound of her voice.

"Just give me a chance. I'm sober, I have a wonderful boyfriend. I'd love for you to meet him sometime." I scoffed.

"Yeah, because I always had the best fucking time with your boyfriends in the past."

"He's not like that, Clarissa. I am so sorry for everything that we did to you back then. I can't apologize enough." I chuckled bitterly.

"No, no, you can't." I slowly walked back and forth in the driveway in my socks.

"I really miss my daughter. You were all I thought about when I was in jail-"

"Prison." I corrected. "For what you did to me. You ruined me. I am on fucking anti-depressants and anxiety meds because I'm so fucking afraid that I'll run into you. Or, Sebastian finding me again. And, it's all your fault. All because of you."

"I know. I know that we screwed you up, but I want to help you get past it. I don't want you to hurt anymore."

"Fuck you, Jocelyn. There is no helping me through this. There is nothing to stop me from hurting. If you died, I don't think I'd cry for you. You were not a mother to me, you did not protect me. You hurt me emotionally and physically. You didn't stop any of it because you were either passed out drunk, or too high to even see what was going on. You were never a mother to me and you never will be."

The front door opened and Jace stood in the doorway. "Dinner is almost done. You okay?"

"I'm fine, go back inside, I'll be in in a minute." He nodded and walked back inside. "Don't fucking call me again, Jocelyn. I'm done with you. Stay out of my life. That is the only thing I will ever ask of you. Do that one thing for me."

"But-" I hung up on her and turned off my phone, shoving it into my back pocket and sitting down on the steps to calm myself down a little.

"You alright?" Maryse's voice came from behind me and I shook my head. "Who was that on the phone?"

"It doesn't matter. So, dinner?" We both stood and walked inside, joining everyone at the dining room table.

I was sat next to Jace with Lily in a highchair between Robert and I, who was sat at the head of the table, Maryse at the other end.

They had made lasagna, salad, garlic bread, spaghetti, macaroni and cheese and a few chicken nuggets for Lily. 

I unfortunately couldn't get Jocelyn out of my head and it was distracting me from the conversations at the table.

"No, I went to NYU." I heard from Simon and looked over at him.

"Clary, where did you go to college?" Maryse asked.

"Harvard." Her jaw dropped.

"Harvard University in Boston?" I nodded. "Wow. You must know a lot of things then."

"No kidding. She went off to college when she was fifteen." Simon chimed in and some of them dropped their forks or choked on their food.

"Fifteen?" Maryse exclaimed and I nodded, taking a bite of my garlic bread. "Your family just up and moved to Boston with you?" The question made me look down at my plate.

"No. I was in foster care from fifteen years old, to eighteen, so the only one that moved, was me."

"But, what about your father and your brother?"

"I reconnected with them in my third month of pregnancy with Lily. I didn't really know them before that. Dad left with Jon when I was a baby and I didn't see him again until the day that I told Jace I was pregnant."

"And, your mother?"

"A story for another time." She nodded.

"So, how did you pay for college?"

"Full scholarship. Best in my class."

"That's amazing."

"And, I just finished getting my bachelors degree online."

"You're so accomplished in your life. Not many people your age can say that."

I smiled and they began conversing about other things.

Feeding Lily didn't take long, since she fell asleep drinking her milk.

Jace laid her down in a playpen in the living room and tucked her in before returning to his seat beside me.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He whispered in my ear while everyone else was talking.

"No, but I will be." I replied in the same hushed tone.

"Who were you talking to on the phone?"

"Maybe I'll tell you eventually." He sighed.

"I hate that you're so secretive about everything."

"I don't trust you enough to tell you about it all. I'm closed off, I know, but I can't help it. I've been this way for a long time."

"But, why?" I sighed. "Won't tell me that either, huh?" I shook my head and flinched when his hand lightly gripped mine under the table. "I like you, Clary. That's why I don't like it when you won't tell me things. I worry."

"Maybe I'd tell you things about my past if you told me about yours. But, this is not the time or place to discuss it. Drop it for now, Jace."

He sighed, but did as he was told.

Though, He didn't let go of my hand and I didn't pull it away.

Why the hell didn't I pull it away?