Silent Emotions

11. I know

A cluster of students filled the halls. My eyes shifted from person to person. Everything was so chaotic.

It was lunch time after all.

All of my surroundings seemed too bright. Damn this hangover. After drinking bottles upon bottles of liquor, I crashed into blissful sleep. That is, until I woke up did I feel like a bus hit me.

"Don't you dare try to escape," Hailey hooks her arm with mine as she flashes me her toothy grin. I rolled my eyes and grumbled, "I know."

She dared me to tell Austin how much I like him. Love. But that's not the point. Point is, I was supposed to drink another shot or I'll have to confess my feelings. And as I said beforr, I crashed. Hard.

"Oh goodie," Hailey catches sight of him with tweedle dee and tweedle dum-- Sam and Eric. With such force, she drags me unwillingly over. Even with my heels dug to the ground, nothing could stop her.

"Hey you," Austin signed with a smile. With a sly smirk, Hailey takes Sam and Eric on a not so suspicious walk down the hallway-- away from us.

"I.. have something to tell you," I signed with my eyes feeling heavy so I looked at the ground. As if it was the most interesting thing to look at. My hand rubbed my arm as I gathered up the courage to confess my feelings for him. Austin held his hand up right before I could utter another word, "Listen if it's about the half eaten chillidog in your fridge-- it was me."

I couldn't bring myself to laugh. My nerves were getting the best of me. Waves of anxiety were eating me up whole. Not a single joke from my favorite person could make me feel any less shitty.

"Austin," I spoke as well as singing at the same time.

"I like you."

It took everything within me to finally get those words out. The three words that convey just how much I wanted to be with him. How much I thought of him. How much of him I want. Growing up I was taught not to be selfish. To always be kind. And yet here I stood trying to claim something intangible.

Because he was too amazing to be labeled as tangible. To put a price on.

"Emma."

I felt my heart drop. But this time it shattered. For years I've heard him say my name out loud. Years of it being filled with happiness, love and affection. Even when he's begging for forgiveness over some prank he's done.

This time however, it wasn't filled with anything but.

Rather, his whole demeanor looked troubled. His lip turned into a fine line, jaw locked. Brows creased making his bright brown eyes narrow. And I didn't miss the blatant step he took away from me.

Just one step made it hard for me to even stay standing. In front of him. As he stared me down with unsure eyes.

"Why?" He signed. "Huh?" I blurted, confused. "Why now?!" His eyes flashed pain and doubt. He ran his hands all over his face as he paced back and forth.

"Why would you tell me this... now?"

"I'm sorry.. I--" I signed with shaking hands.

"I love you too," he signed with him seeming conflicted. He took steps closer to me making me smile. But the lack of even the tiniest sign of a smile on his face made mine drop.

"But I'm with her now. And I.. can't."

I tried to reach for his hands. He swats it away. And for the first time I felt like I lost someone. Like I lost the guy I've been best friends with for eternity.