* Lost Boys ~ Dan/Howell • Phil/Lester *

confess

"so what did you go through to get this medicine?"

"well-I" Dan panicked "I just-"

"you can tell me whatever you need to"

Dan looked around to make sure no one was present. He breathed deeply and let the words fall out of his mouth. He told Phil everything. Including the parts about Chris. The parts about being captured. The parts about Leo. Everything he had endured, simply to save his best friend. After Dan finished regaling all his suffering. Phil sat there slightly awestruck.How Chris had been such an outright traitor. How bad he felt for Leo, but he couldn't blame Dan as he would do the same for his companion. Dan had put his life at risk multiple times because Phil's was. He could not believe the unmitigated devotion of this person he had just met, fairly recently. He felt cared about for the first time in a long, long time

"you did all of that for me?" Phil didn't want to sound conceited, but he wanted to know if Dan truly cared, or if it was some personal agenda.

"yes of course." Dan's tone did not falter. He did not stutter. He said it with such confidence that Phil hadn't heard much. If Dan had no faith in himself, he sure as hell must have had faith in Phil, who couldn't help but feel indebted, just as Dan predicted. Phil decided to rectify his 'debt.'

"I just think you should know that I'd do the same for you." the words fell out of the boys mouth and they looked at each other with an unmatched sincerity

"Th-thank you. I really appreciate you-I MEAN- THAT- I APPRECIATE THAT" Dan stumbled, dumbfounded at the bonding happening right in front of him. He had never experienced it before. He had only read about it in story books or dreamt it up in hazy daydreams, back in his railroad days.

"Dan its okay I appreciate you too" The dream was becoming a reality. That thought of a best friend, that Dan always held so distant, got closer with every word.

"really?" Still in disbelief and not sure if he could trust that his companion was telling the unmitigated truth.

"well yes without you I wouldn't be alive right now. Plus you are the first best friend Ive ever had" Dan felt like he was just talking to himself. He felt like this was all some fantasy or a dream floating in his mind somewhere. He wouldn't let himself believe it was reality. Or maybe he would? His struggle grew more and more. The anxiety began spiralling in tighter and tighter circles in his chest. His headache began growing as fast as his doubt. He clamped his eyes shut, grimacing at the sharp ringing flooding his ears. Words swirled about in his head. 'drink. bottles. throw. angry. why. what did i do. my fault. protect me? no. why? do not trust. cannot trust. BUT. first friend. only kind one. first. only. take chance?...........' suddenly the voices stopped and Dan knew how to respond. He opened his eyes to a very concerned looking boy.

"you're the first best friend I've ever had too" Phil let out a breathy sigh of relief. Angst in the room melted away and became something so much more powerful than any anxiety or sadness-

"lets make a promise to be the first and last best friends we ever have"

It was love. Platonic or not. It was stronger than anything to exist. It was solid and robust, like a newborn foal, with racing blood pumping through its veins the minute it stood for the first time. It was a want. One that would never fully be satiated. It was -just-Love.

Dan was completely shocked. No one had ever been as kind or accepting or caring as this boy and now he wanted to make a promise that would link them through out their entire lives. Dan was in utter disbelief. Never did he think someone would make a commitment to him. Why him? Of all people this amazing boy could commit to? Was it safe to trust the raven haired boy? Could he let him in? Dan had built up such high walls to protect himself from metaphorical word daggers and literal liquor bottles. He hadn't trusted in so long. But Dan knew for a fact that he would never be completely sure of a situation. He figured that for once in his life he should take a chance.

"o-okay"

And the two interlocked their pinky fingers and made a promise to remember. They were intertwined to every single extent of the word. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. And once again they fell asleep talking and holding hands for affirmation.

A sense of peace blanketed the two boys together. Thread ran from their linked fingers and wove a soft warm blanket that filled they entire room with warmth and safety. The air was rich. The vibe was calm yet chaotic. The calm was from the superfluous, yet necessary companionship. The chaos was from the supernova of emotions swirling in the space between the two boys. When they were in a room together they were absolutely unstoppable, yet completely vulnerable all at once. The comfort they found in each other was unmatched. It was a force that was so full of conviction, valour, and tenacity. It was bold, and terrifying like a thunderstorm, but so dangerously, breathtakingly beautiful like a tsunami of emotion. They were unstoppable together. And this togetherness had but one word to describe it out of the billions one could use

and it was called

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