seventh grade

turtle

So I have tennis from 7 to 9 every morning during the summer.

My mom takes me, and brings me back.

We have deep conversations in the car since we are both running on five hours of sleep and have nothing else better to do.

Now, what does a turtle have to do with all of this?

Well, one day we were driving home, and we saw a turtle in the middle of the road.

This isn't that uncommon, we live near a lake, so we see turtles and other creatures all the time.

My mom got out of the car to move the turtle.

I mean, we weren't just gonna run it over like a load of animals.

So she stopped the car, got out, and walked over to the turtle.

Since it was nine in the morning, there was zero traffic

Until

This woman decided to pull out of her driveway and glare at my mother like she was a disgrace to society.

The lady then saw my mom was about to move a turtle.

So, when you move a turtle, you're supposed to keep it going in the same direction.

The turtle was going into that woman's yard.

So my mom picked up the turtle.

And apparently scared the turtle too.

The turtle...

Well the...

The turtle just...

The turtle, upon my mom picking it up, peed so hard it's pee shot out of the back of the shell.

And it wasn't a small amount either.

That turtle had to go potty for a LONG time.

And my mom got a bit wet...

So she ran with the turtle and placed it in the yard, and got in the car.

The whole event was hysterical to any bystander, especially me since I witnessed my mother get peed on by a turtle.

But that woman didn't think it was very funny.

Heaven forbid we put a turtle in your yard.

She backed her car up so fast she almost ran into her garage.

She got a shovel, scooped up the turtle, and marched across the street with it.

She not-so-gently put the turtle back in the opposite yard and marched back to her car.

Now, the reason you keep a turtle going in the same direction is bc other wise they could get run over while trying to cross the street again.

Obviously this woman didn't know that.

I hope when that turtle gets back in her yard and she tries to scoop it out, it pees on her.

Regardless, my mom made a joke about the whole affair:

"Why did the turtle cross the road?"

"To get to the shell station so he could use the toilet"