Addison's POV:
2008
"Jesus Christ" I was panicking, it was the day after I had sex with Meredith, and I was panicking. She was with Derek, I was not gay, and we could not be a thing. It was against every rule known to man for the mistress to hook up with the ex wife.
But every nerve in my body felt like it was on fire; I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from Meredith despite the logical part of my brain (the one that doesn't think with four orgasms. Four!) telling me to.
"Addison, you seem like your in a good mood" Derek smiled politely as he greeted me in the elevator. Even though I was fighting a losing battle between my vagina and my brain, I was in a really good mood. Sex after so long celibate tended to do that to a person.
"I had a good night" I smile back. I was being vague but I wasn't lying; the logical part of my brain also told me not to scream out "I HAD SEX WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AND I HAVE NEVER FELT BETTER".
"You look lighter, more relaxed" Derek commented "less uptight and stressed. Was the ER slow last night?" He questioned.
Shrugging, "Same as usual" I answer nonchalantly. I didn't want my voice to give anything away.
"Well who's the guy then?"
My heart stopped just as the elevator did, and Meredith herself got on. She smiled at Derek, shot me a knowing smirk, and waited quietly for her stop.
"Well?" Derek persisted "who's the guy?" I was hoping he'd forgotten.
"The guy?" Meredith asks quizzically looking over at me. She had a look on her face that said 'I had no idea you had a boyfriend and now I feel like a slut for seducing you last night".
"There is no guy" I say firmly "I don't need another boyfriend; I'm certainly not about to start dating again when I'm so busy with work"
"You just said it was slow last night" Derek pointed out, before turning to face Meredith "she's all light and airy; less uptight. I'm trying to figure out who she was with last night, because she was obviously with someone since she's in a post-sex happy place"
Normally, people talking to their ex about their sex life was weird. It was weird, and not something anyone did. But Derek and I talked openly about his relationship with Meredith because we've both moved on and we've both healed. Now, he was asking about my relationship status, which was currently 'just fucked your girlfriend, so it's complicated'.
"She wasn't with anyone last night" Meredith said matter of factly, the tension that had been in her shoulders when she thought I was seeing someone was melted away, replaced with a look of relief. "We worked the night shift together last night; it wasn't busy, so we mostly updated charts to keep busy"
Derek rose an eyebrow "Then why is she so calm looking? Lately she's been looking like she wants to murder a small village" He wasn't wrong.
Meredith smirked at me as if she had a joke that she was keeping to herself, before whispering to Derek, just low enough to be a whisper but just loud enough that I could hear.
"She fell asleep on some charts; slept like a baby. I didn't want to embarrass her by bringing it up"
~
I wasn't sure how to talk to Meredith about what happened; there was no proper way to discuss something like that. There was no protocol for how to treat your ex husbands ex mistress and now your current mistress appropriately in public settings.
"Addison" Meredith greeted me, as she joined me in an x-ray room. I was looking over some scans, and it seemed she was collecting some. I smiled and said Hi, to be polite, as anxiety coursed through my veins.
"Should we talk maybe?" I ask awkwardly, after about two minutes of unbearable silence.
"We don't need to; unless there's something you'd like to address?" Meredith asked me, putting down her scans and looking me in the eyes. I gulped, nervous, but spoke again regardless.
"We shouldn't have done that" was all I could manage to get out.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" Meredith asks, taking one step towards me "did you have fun? You're obviously feeling better now than you were yesterday. You look so much more relaxed" she commented, the same as Derek did this morning, taking another step.
"Of course I enjoyed myself; that doesn't mean it was right" I'm trying to stand my ground, but I know it's pointless. Just having her this close to me, remembering how she touched me, it makes me heat up all over again.
"Well than I don't see why we shouldn't indulge in the few pleasures life has to offer" Meredith tells me hands ghosting the sides of my body and breath fanning out across my face. She was so, so close, yet so far away all at the same time.
"Some things aren't meant to be enjoyed" I murmur, breathing heavy now. This was wrong, it was wrong, she was wrong. As long as I kept that mantra playing on repeat through my head, I felt like I could keep my resolve.
"Oh but this is something that should be" Meredith's voice is lower now, almost husky, and I feel all the air leave my lungs. "I'm not about denying myself the simple pleasures life has to offer but I take it you are"
I had to close my eyes. The moment was so intense, I needed to focus on breathing. In and out, over and over. Just breathe, I told myself. All the sensations were so much, her being so close, it was overpowering.
"This can just be a for fun thing" Meredith whispers "just to feel good and get some amazing sex. We can keep emotions out, feelings out, we can just have a physical relationship" the idea of that made me feel better; if there were no emotions or feelings, it was less like cheating. If we didn't feel anything towards each other than it wasn't really cheating.
I mean, I could handle Derek sleeping with Meredith while we were married. It was his undying love for her that causes all the problems.
"What do you say, Addie?" Meredith asks, her hands touching me softly, running slowly from my hips to my chest and back again "do you want to meet me tonight for another night shift?"
Swallowing thickly, I opened my eyes and met her gaze. It was intense, it was fierce, and it was hot. Regardless of how I thought, of how bad this entire thing was, of how wrong and twisted it seemed to be, I couldn't say no.
When I nodded slowly but definitely, Meredith smirked and I knew I was in for something I couldn't even begin to comprehend.
That, was the beginning.
YOU ARE READING
Something beautiful
Fanfiction"I haven't seen her since I came back; I heard they were engaged" nobody knew that Meredith and I had been whatever we were. Nobody knew, nobody would ever know, and it was almost heartbreaking to think that the world would be void of any trace of w...
