This is in Meredith's POV, just to shake things up a bit. I just wanted to clarify that bc I once read a while book in the wrong POV bc of how the author wrote it 😂
2008
Meredith's POV:
One typically rainy Seattle Sunday, it was slow in the ER. Very slow. As in nobody was expecting ANYTHING interesting to happen. But nobody was ballsy enough to say it was a slow day out loud, because confirming it verbally usually meant that every single car crash in the state would pile in to our OR.
Derek had a late surgery, he wouldn't be home until morning no doubt, and Cristina was busy in a surgery with Burke and George. So, needless to say, it was a bummer to have Doctor Bailey send me home when I was bored and wandering the halls of the hospital looking for surgeries.
"Go home, Grey" she barked "ain't no reason you should be standing around here when you could be asleep and enjoying a night to yourself. You're on call, we'll call if we need you"
I tried to protest, but anyone who knows Bailey knows that there's no need in trying to fight against her. She was five feet of pure determination.
So, at barely eight on a Sunday night, I decided to go find Addison to see if she wanted to head over to Joe's for a drink. We spent most of our time in on call rooms, but I was thinking it'd be nice to spend some time together talking over a drink or having a little fun playing darts or dancing.
As much as I always claimed it was a crime for her to ever put clothes on (and oh, was it ever), I wasn't seeing Addison just for sex. It was more than sex, and we were more than sex.
"Hey Addie, do you want to go grab a drink?" I asked her when I'd finally found her, on her way out the door after was undoubtedly a long and tiring day.
She smiled, and my world stopped. The breath was knocked from my lungs and my heart ceased to beat. I had a mid-life crisis on spot. I'd seen her smile before, of course, but I was acutely aware of it right here, at this very second, and I loved it.
"Are you alright?" She asked, breaking me out of my trace. I shook it off, ignoring my little epiphany (it was nothing; our relationship wasn't serious) and smiled back at her.
"I'm perfect; now, how about those drinks?"
We'd gotten to Joe's ten minutes later, and sat down at the bar. It was pretty empty, a Monday night meant lots of people were at home asleep rather than out for drinks like Addie and I, so we had our pick of seats.
"Gin and tonic for her, rum and coke for me" Addison ordered drinks for us both as I draped my coat along the back of the chair.
"It is amazing how well you know me" I smirk at her as Joe lays our glasses down in front of us. We both thank him, and I pick up my drink and take a sip, loving the cold and the slight burn paired together to unwind every muscle in my body.
"How was your day?" I ask Addie, as she takes a large sip of her drink (if it could even be called a sip; it was more of a gulp. But gulp seemed like too harsh of a word to apply to someone as gentle and elegant as Addie).
A sigh escapes from her perfect red lips, and I know that she's had a rough day.
"It's not that anyone died" Addie told me, finishing her drink and waving Joe over to refill it "everyone lived, and I am so happy and relieved that they did but I have been so busy making sure they all live. I'm always at the hospital, I never sleep well, I don't have a spare moment for myself anymore. Because I want to spend all my spare time with you, and that spare time happens to be late" a big sip (gulp) of her second rum and coke tells me how stressed she is.
I feel awful; I really do. I was keeping her from living a normal life, where she'd go to work like a normal person, come home like a normal person, go on normal dinner dates with normal men like a normal person, sleep well like a normal person and live life simply like a normal person.
Instead, she was sneaking around to vacant on-call rooms to meet me at ungodly hours of the night, skipping sleep for sex, going out to bars on a Monday night when she could be showered and asleep by now, lying to all her friends and even after all of this crap, she still doesn't go home to a warm and loving person in a warm and loving bed.
She was alone at night, with a cold pillow on the other end of the bed and cold arms that would be much better used cuddling another person to sleep. I might've done some selfish things in my life, I might've fucked up plenty of times, but it was never as clear to me as it was in that moment that Addie was the most selfish thing I'd ever done.
Looking at her exhausted face, looking at how worn out and defeated she was, I hated myself. For doing that for her, and for being too selfish to stop.
"I'm sorry" my apology seems pathetic, but immediately she smiles and shakes her head, disagreeing with me.
"I'm not" she shrugs simply, working on glass three of rum. "I am not sorry, anything but sorry, actually. I like us, I like you. And if I have to sacrifice a few hours of sleep, so what? It's worth it, Meredith. You're worth it" still smiling, she reached over and squeezed my hand reassuringly.
I wanted to give her more than this; she deserved more than this.
Instead of telling her that, instead of breaking my own heart, we kept talking about our days. She kept on drinking, while I didn't even finish my first glass (she was a mess, and I was self-appointed DD). I told her about a bowel resection I watched Bailey do this morning, she told me about a skin graft she did on a three month old.
When her speech was slurring and she couldn't stand without holding onto something, I decided to drive her back to her hotel.
"Merrrrredithhhhh" she giggled, as I opened the door to her room and managed to get her inside. "Thank you, you're good people" she patted my back, drawing a smile from me.
"Come on, let's get you into bed" gently, holding onto her waist, I led her to the bed where I stripped her of her clothes (underwear and all; she reeked of rum) and slipped a oversized t-shirt over her head.
She didn't say much, she cooperated and did whatever I asked her to (in a gentle voice, of course. Drunk Addie happened to get overly emotional sometimes). But when I tucked her in and pulled the sheets up to her chin, she grabbed my hand as I turned away.
"Stay with me" she mumbled, eyes half closed.
Guilt surged through me; she was so tired, the least I could do was cuddle her to sleep and be there for her in the morning when the hangover hit.
That's how I ended up stripping down and crawling in bed next to her, holding her gin-soaked skin so tightly against my own that I thought I'd combust.
I was so in love, and I knew if I wanted to be less selfish, I couldn't ever tell her.
I'd never get to hold her, never get to tell her I loved her, I'd never get to go on dinner dates or plan the perfect wedding with her in a perfect white dress. My heart ached, and I knew if I told her how I felt, hers would too. I wanted to protect her, more than anything I just wanted to protect her.
Even if it was from myself.
Even if it was from how much I loved her.
Even if it was something beautiful.
YOU ARE READING
Something beautiful
Fanfiction"I haven't seen her since I came back; I heard they were engaged" nobody knew that Meredith and I had been whatever we were. Nobody knew, nobody would ever know, and it was almost heartbreaking to think that the world would be void of any trace of w...
