Something beautiful

After (5)

2010
Addison's POV:

"Sam's going to wonder where I am" I murmured, running a finger down Meredith's back. We were in an on call room, on our sides and facing each other, void completely of any clothes. It was late, into the early hours of the morning really, but we'd spent all night together.

Once you got a taste of what you were missing, it was hard to stop.

"Let's not talk about Sam" Meredith said softly, her hand was buried in my hair and her thumb gently ran across my cheek "or Derek. It's just us, here it's only us"

I closed my eyes and sighed in content. "You know, I really did miss you"

My eyes were closed, but I could still feel her smile through the black of my eyelids. "I missed you so much, Addie. I waited every day to see you again"

It was my turn to smile now; she kissed my forehead and pulled me close, something I'd always loved about Meredith. She made me feel loved and cared for and wanted, even after sex. She always held me close and kissed me softly in ways that made my heart melt.

My eyes closed, I was on the brink of exhaustion. But I stayed awake, trying to savour this moment for as long as I could because before I knew it, I'd be back in California with a cold bed and an even colder heart.

"I love you" she whispers against my head, once she thinks I'm asleep some time later "I love you more than I ever did tell you, and I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner"

My heart broke, but I kept my eyes closed and didn't say a word.

~

"Hey, how did last night go?" Sam asks me with a smile and a kiss as I greet him in the lobby of the hospital the next morning. Meredith and I woke up, still intertwined, and got a shower together before changing into clean scrubs. After we left the restaurant, I didn't see Sam once.

"She was fine, but kept having small contractions" I wasn't lying; she really was. They just weren't bad enough to do anything about. I could've went home and she would've been perfectly okay. "I wanted to stay to make sure she was all right, Meredith insisted on staying too just in case. She didn't want me to have to wait for everyone else to be paged if the babies decided to come tonight"

Sam nodded understandably "it won't be long until they're here; then we can head home and things can go back to the way they were"

I nodded in agreement, but I didn't want things to go back to the way they were. I didn't want to go back to LA feeling like I lost a piece of myself, feeling like I left my heart in Seattle. It was hard during the first few months, the drinking and the partying and the staying out late. I ended up seeing a therapist, who described me as "depressed, and using anger as an unhealthy outlet for your thoughts and feelings".

Judging by the hole I'd punched in my wall, she wasn't wrong.

But Sam was there; Sam picked me up every time I fell down, he wiped my eyes and held my hand, he pulled my hair back from my face when I threw up after binge drinking, he bandaged my bloody and bruised knuckles after I punched the wall. He was there, he helped me through it, it was always Sam.

And yet, it was always Meredith at the same time.

"It'll be nice to get out of the rain" I offered up Sam a half-hearted smile, suddenly feeling very guilty for sleeping with Meredith. No, scratch that, I was feeling very guilty for sleeping with Meredith and not regretting it.

"Naomi told me Maya's been asking when you'd get back" he chuckled "I'm her father, yet she's all about you. She loves you, ya know"

Sam's daughter was twelve, and I adored her. She was my little godchild, and I was her Aunt Addie. I suddenly started to feel even worse about what I'd done.

"We'll be back soon enough" I try to reassure Sam, but I don't really want to go back. I just want to stay in Seattle, with my heart.

With Meredith.

"Derek and I got to talking about when he and Meredith would visit us in LA" Sam said, changing the topic "we plan on talking to Mark and Lexie to see if they can come too; we'll show them all around LA, go to the beach, get drinks, it'll be like old times. God knows I don't see Mark or Derek nearly as much as I would like" My heart skipped a beat. Meredith would be in LA with me, I'd be in back home with Meredith. And Mark, but that wasn't the the point.

"What did you decide?" I ask casually, as if my heart didn't lie with Meredith and my happiness didn't depend on his answer.

"They haven't set a wedding date yet, you know Meredith, so they said maybe next month. We'll be out of here in a week, two weeks tops, so it'll give us some time to get home and settle back in before they come for a visit" Sam said excitedly. I knew how much he missed Derek and Mark, despite how annoying they could be "and there's a surgical convention going on in a couple months, too. You know, the one Charlotte, you and I planned on going to? Derek and Meredith are going, so we can spend some time together there"

I forgot about the convention. It was basically a giant mixer where different surgeons would present their achievements, mostly Harper Avery winners or people who invented new methods of surgery, and answer questions. I'd been asked to speak on a panel made up completely of neonatal surgeons and Sam had been asked to speak about a surgery he did a few months ago that was pretty impressive. Our friend, Charlotte, who worked at the practice with us was going to represent the hospital she was chief of staff at.

"Is Derek going to be speaking at the convention?" I'm doing my best not to think about all the time I could have alone with Meredith in a hotel room in the middle of Orlando. Desperately trying and failing.

Sam nods "He and Meredith are doing a joint presentation about a clinical trial they did"

Before  I could answer, Meredith came up to us with a smile. "Sam! Addie! Good morning!"

I smiled brightly, as did Sam. "Good morning" we answered in unison.

"Sorry to break up the reunion, but Addie I need to speak with you. I have some questions concerning the upcoming surgery" I could see through Meredith like glass; I'd just seen her mere hours before and yet she was already sneaking us off again.

"You go, I'll see you later today" Sam promised, shooing me off with a kiss on the forehead and a loving look. I just smile, before following Meredith.

The second were out of Sam's sight, she hauls me into the nearest supply closet rather roughly, pushing me in and locking the door behind us by jamming a crutch under the doorknob. Even though it was early, earlier than most people would be needing things from the supply closet, it was better to be safe than sorry.

"God, you are insatiable" I laugh, as she pulls me into her with a devious look in her eyes.

"I can't help it; I've gone so long without seeing you that all I want to do is touch you. Every inch of you drives me wild" her skilled hands soon have my lab coat slipped off over my shoulders and are underneath my scrubs.

"What are you supposed to be doing right now, Doctor Grey?" I ask teasingly as I used my own nimble fingers to rid her of her shirt.

"I am on your service today, Doctor Montgomery. Anything you need of me, I'll gladly do" she says the words in such a way, I gasp sharply.

"Oh well than I'm sure we can figure something out for you to do" and then, I'm kissing her hard, so hard I feel like my lips will bruise. But I don't care; I welcome the bruises. I want evidence that she was here, that I was touched by her. I don't know what I'll tell Sam later but in that moment I don't care; I just need her impossibly closer to me.

"I am so in love with you" was the last thing I heard her say, before I became completely lost in the sensations of her body against mine, pressing together as one.