taehyung's heart thumped fast against his chest as he ran to the icu where jimin was kept at. jimin's parents called up a while ago asking why taehyung was not at the hospital like he always was. it confused him. jimin asked him to rest tonight for once and not come over to visit him and that was exactly what taehyung did. taehyung was adamant at first since he didn't want to leave jimin alone but jimin managed to convince him after a lot of persuasion.
what jimin didn't tell him was that he was having a surgery that very night too. a surgery in which his survival rate was a mere 30 percent. that wasn't all that jimin didn't tell taehyung. taehyung had thought that jimin's health had been improving since the past few months and that his pancreatic cancer was close to being cured. that was the exact opposite of the reality though, and that made him scared. he didn't want to lose jimin yet. they still had so much to do. they still had so much more memories to make.
taehyung saw jimin's parents hugging each other as he got closer to the icu. the sound of his shoes echoed across the hallway causing jimin's parents to turn to his direction as they stood up. "taehyung," jimin's mother sobbed out as she ran over to him with jimin's father. they all hugged each other as jimin's parents began to cry. taehyung was getting worried by how jimin's parents were acting. 'did things not go well?' he thought to himself and gulped as he looked ahead at the door in front of them. he wanted ask why they were crying so much, yet he couldn't find his voice to do so. he was scared on what their answer would be.
"jimin, i-is he in there?" taehyung asked jimin's parents while trying to control himself from bursting out all the emotions he felt at that moment. they both nodded teary eyed as they broke away from the hug and made way for taehyung to walk.
taehyung felt his palms get sweaty as walked over to the small round window attached to the door and looked inside. his blood ran cold almost instantly and his knees felt weak all of a sudden. "n-no," he managed to whisper before his legs gave out and he collapsed onto the floor.
he found himself beginning to sob as his entire body began to shake. tears streamed down his face and he wanted to wipe it all away and find out what all happened to jimin. he wanted to stand back up and walk over to jimin but he was too startled and in shock. jimin was perfectly fine just earlier that day. they both played overwatch and sang songs and talked for a long time not so long ago. he didn't know what went wrong and it terrified him to see jimin laying there on the bed without moving a single muscle, god knows how many tubes coming out of his body.
taehyung clenched his teeth hard as he tried to control himself. he had to be strong for jimin. he can't enter there like a mess. he picked himself up from the floor, his body shaking vigorously as he released large sobs. blinking continuously to get rid of the tears building up, he roughly wiped away all the tears that had fallen.
with trembling hands, he pushed open the doors and stepped inside the room. the faint sound of jimin's heartbeat monitor was heard inside the room. the way it kept on slowing down or missing a heartbeat scared taehyung. taehyung walked over with heavy steps and sat down beside jimin and held his hand.
"stupid jimin," taehyung croaked out, "you're s-so so stupid jimin, you know that right?" he said and stared at jimin. he wanted to jimin to open his eyes and scold him for calling him stupid, but that wasn't going to happen, right?
tears dripped from his face as memories of jimin flooded his mind. he ached to hear jimin's soothing voice one more time, even if it was to scold him. "why? why didn't you tell me? why did you keep it all to yourself? why did you want to suffer alone?" taehyung cried out as he buried his face on jimin's bed.
"wake up, please," taehyung whispered and pecked the back of his hand softly before he licked his lips that had gone dry.
he wanted a miracle to happen. he wanted jimin to wake up like the way people did in dramas. not everything in dramas are fake, right? but it seemed like jimin wasn't even fighting to stay alive. did he want to die? was taehyung the one holding him back? was taehyung getting in his way? those questions bombarded his mind.
taehyung closed his eyes and tried remembering the times they spent together under the moon. he wanted to make more memories with jimin, yet the thought of what jimin was going through now made him want to think otherwise. maybe he already had made enough memories with jimin to let him go.
"is it- is it hurting a lot?" taehyung asked as he rubbed his finger across jimin's hand. "those needles and pipes stuck into your body... they're hurting you a lot, aren't they?" taehyung asked again.
he took in a deep, shaky breath and blinked back the tears that threatened to fall from his bloodshot eyes. "i love you a lot, jimin. i don't want you to leave like this. i'm being too selfish aren't i?" he let out an airy laugh before his lips began to quiver again. he bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows impulsively as he spoke again, "i shouldn't be so selfish. i should think about your happiness too."
he leaned in and placed a kiss on jimin's hand.
"leave me, jimin, please. stop fighting for all this. you're only suffering because of that."
taehyung felt jimin's hands tense a bit but the feeling disappeared after a few seconds. the beeping of the machine sped up and doctors and nurses rushed into the room. taehyung was escorted out of the room immediately by a few nurses when he refused to leave. he put up a fight, trying to grab onto the closest thing he could reach to not leave the room but he was outnumbered.
his nails clawed against the oval window on the door as he shouted incoherent words about how he can't leave his boyfriend. he felt the pain jimin would've felt when the doctor began to administer electric shocks to jimin's chest.
jimin's weak body would rise up and down with every shock; the last thing they saw before the doctors closed the blinds of the window.
after several nerve wrecking minutes of eerie silence and occasional sobs, taehyung couldn't bear it anymore. he had to know what they were doing to jimin. he forced the door open and heard the last words he wanted to hear.
"name, park jimin," jimin's doctor spoke.
more tears rolled down taehyung's cheeks as he heard jimin's parents begin to sob unceasingly while they clung onto each other. the doctor slowly laid a blanket over the lifeless body.
"time of death, 4 am, june 6. age, nineteen."
'at least you heard me.'
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today, too, i go on living just enough keeping in step, wearing my feet out just enough
