Color My World : A Hamilton Fan Fiction

it gets worse

The funeral was a week before school started. Alex wore his hoodie and jeans with her roughed up Converses. Lafayette and Laurens' mother spoke. But she didn't care about what they said.

The past two weeks without her best friend had been a living hell. Every morning, she would wake up and his name would die on her lips. She'd wake up to an empty apartment, to his empty room next to hers. Instead of his singing and laughter sounding through the apartment, it was silent.

Alex never liked the quiet before.

She wished she'd had more time. More time was all she wanted. A day, an hour, five more minutes.

She stared at his greyscale casket, not taking in a word of what anyone said. And when it ended, she walked out; hands in her pockets and headphones in. Lafayette stopped her.

"Mon ami. Before you go." he said, handing her an envelope. She slowly took it, eyes coming to meet his. Lafayette's own grey eyes reflected her pain.

"He cared about you. Deeply." was all he said before walking away; Hercules close behind.

Alex walked all the way back to the apartment. Lafayette and Hercules weren't home yet. Probably best.

She sat on Laurens' bed and opened the envelope. When she pulled out the paper inside, her eyes widened when she saw Laurens' own loopy handwriting.

' My dearest, Alex

You were my greatest adventure. It was you. It was always you, babe. Thank you for giving my world color, even if I didn't do that for you.

All my love,
John Laurens '

She read this, eyes widening.

He didn't mean.. No. There was no way. John told her everything.

She read this note almost fifteen times before the sound of Lafayette and Hercules returning could be heard. She ran out, thrusting the letter into Lafayette's chest.

"Did you know?" she demanded, face livid.

Lafayette scanned the page, expression sad. He nodded slowly. Alex felt her throat tighten.

"Y-you all knew? And no one told me? H-how could you? H-h-how could he? He.. He.. wouldn't.." she panted, eyes wide. Lafayette rushed forward, only to be slapped away. She grabbed Laurens' hoodie and stalked out.

Lafayette checked the library, and the park. Her normal places she ran away to when upset.

In the end, he found her at the bar.

She didn't even look up when he sat next to her.

"Alexandra, he cared about you. He did not want you to feel like you were hurting him because you did not see le colors with him." he started, but she shook her head.

"I'd have dated him." she said numbly; her bleary, blood shot eyes on her drink. Lafayette paused, opened his mouth, and then closed it again.

"I'd have dated him. Married him. Even if I never saw the colors." she said bitterly, lips pursed into a line. Lafayette simply nodded, pulling her to his chest. He pressed his lips to her temple, and didn't move again, even when sobs wracked Alex's small body.

-

School didn't start back soon enough for Alex. She moved out of what was one Lafayette and Hercules' love nest the day before classes started. She moved back into Jefferson and her own dorm room, an empty feeling in her stomach.

Jefferson had already been there and unpacked by the time she arrived. She walked in, and began to unpack. She had more clothes this time around, more books, and she kept a trunk of Laurens' things under her bed.

Laurens' note had not been mentioned again. That night was not mentioned either. Alex acted as if nothing had happened, and Lafayette knew to tread lightly.

He hadn't protested when she packed most of what was left of his things and left with it. His mother had gotten most of it, but Alex had her pick. Some of his t-shirts. His flannel pajama pants. His sweatpants. Four of his hoodies. Two of his sweatshirts. His glasses that he only wore late at night after he'd removed his contacts. His sketchbooks. His Polaroid camera. She'd hoarded all of this, and locked it away under her bed.

She put up her Broadway musical calendar, and some pictures. Herself and Burr, whom looked annoyed. Herself and Lafayette, drunk off their asses. Her on Hercules' shoulders at Central Park. And her favorite, herself and Laurens at the zoo. He grinned ear to ear while she kissed his cheek. She smiled sadly at this, and hung it up over her desk with the others.

As she finished putting her clothes away, Jefferson waltzed in like he owned the damn place. He gave a small annoyed noise.

"Oh you're still here? I thought you'd have been deported by now." he sneered, leaning against the doorway. Her anger immediately flared, and she whirled around to face him.

"I am a legal immigrant, you shit stain." she snapped, going to the bathroom to put away her toothbrush and toothpaste.

Jefferson gasped mockingly, "Oh YEAH! i forgot! You were a hurricane charity case!"

She sighed, not looking at him as stalked out of the bathroom and began to organize her books onto the small provided bookcase.

"I was smart enough to get into this school, same as you." she replied shortly. To that, Jefferson snorted.

"Sometimes I don't know why I bother bringing the thunder.." he said nastily before leaving and slamming the door behind him.

This year had started off great.