Snippets [boyxboy and girlxgirl shorts]

Stop Bottling It

Rating: T for THIS ONE IS GOOD BOYS!! And B for Big Cursing

Pairing: girls. very unhealthy, but its girls

Based off of: I was being used and I wanted to yell at them

Other notes: I'm really proud of this tbh! I hope you enjoy!!

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I coughed a bit, swayed awkwardly on the stage. I had no clue what to say. She had told me not to ask for any more instruction, to simply start talking, but I couldn't do it. How was this therapy in any way? All it was doing was making me more anxious, making me think I was doing things wrong.

Finally, she spoke again. "Lou? I don't have all day, darling. You should start sometimes soon. The whole premise is to not think about what you're going to say next, in case you missed that. Just start talking as if she was right in front of you."

I continued to sway. I felt a bead of sweat roll down my forehead, and I quickly lifted my sweater sleeve to wipe it away. "I-I don't think I can do this. I don't think this is working."

"How can you know if it's working before you've even begun?" She was quick to contradict. "I know my methods are unorthodox, but they've always worked before. Haven't they?"

"I can't do it." I said firmly. "It isn't that easy for me. I can't just-- just conjure her."

Ms. Yuja smiled. "Try to? For me? Come on, humor me."

I took another deep breath. I took a silent moment, feeling the stagnant air on the empty stage. Empty except for me, that is. I tried to do what Ms. Yuja, my therapist, was coaxing me to do. I tried to see Bernie in front of me; Her dark hair falling nearly to her waist, her long sleeved shirt with the big collar that showed her collarbones... The necklace she always wore, the one she fiddled with when she was uncomfortable.

I felt as if I could see her there, somewhat. Maybe. I was just on the verge of what Ms. Yuja had told me to do. I guessed... I guessed I should start talking.

"Bernie." I began quietly. I cleared my throat, and began again, louder. "Bernie, you've... I mean... what you've been doing lately, uh... It's really..."

Ms. Yuja interrupted. "Louvetta, you have to lay into her. You can't be gentle. Yell at her, the way you've always wanted to."

I was a bit shaken, being taken out of my head like that, but I slid back into the mindset of seeing Bernie in front of me. I took another deep breath. It was like I had a mental block that kept me from seeing her.

I tried a different tactic. Instead of trying to see her as she was daily, I tried to remember the last time I saw her. Her hair disarrayed, her shirt crumpled, her jeans rolled up to her calves, her high heels in her hands. She had two broken nails on each hand, and she had a big nasty hickey on her neck. Her eyes were swollen from crying. She looked... Disgusting. And I had been so, so fucking furious with her.

And it clicked. A fuse seemed to snap in my head, and I knew exactly what Ms. Yuja wanted. No, what I wanted. What Bernie needed to her.

My words came out as a growl. I would've scared myself, if I wasn't so caught in the moment, and I could hear anything but my heart pounding in my ears. "You've completely forgotten me, you dumb bitch."

I almost stung myself, the way I was being so blunt. I could never be this blunt with the real Bernie. I could never talk to her in more than a nervous fumble. But on this stage, suddenly, the words fell out of my mouth like vomit. "I know you so well. I know everything about you. Every detail of your life is memorized! I could probably write your autobiography... I would write it, if you asked me. I fucking hate myself for that. I hate that I do everything you ask. Because now you've gone and forgotten me, and you only talk to me when you need something, and I continue to give you whatever it is you need, because I'm happy just to have you near me."