Snippets [boyxboy and girlxgirl shorts]

Unloveable

Rating: E for EMO

Pairing: Gay dudes but it's a breakup :(

Based off of: Holy God I was so lonely. And the prompt "It's okay, I wouldn't pick me either"

Other notes: It was a dark time in my life!!

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 Tears cloud my eyes. I rub furiously, trying not to let them escape, trying not to let them be seen. Vince stands in front of me, still as a statue. Uncomfortably still. He use to rush to me, to hold me. He used to be the one wiping my tears. I guess I was stupid for thinking something like that would last.

"Hayden, I'm sorry. Please stop crying. You understand, don't you? We just... weren't meant to be."

"Yeah." I manage to choke out. "Yeah, I understand. It's ok. I'm sorry."

"Don't-- don't do that."

"What?"

"Don't apologize. Please. You have nothing to be sorry about."

"Ok. I'm sorry."

The tears are coming on stronger. It gets harder and harder to control my breathing. I don't want to be here anymore. I wish I had somewhere easy to hide. But nothing can be so simple. My apartment is a five block walk. I can't run away from this one.

"Hayden, I'm serious. What you and I had was great, but I'm just too busy to maintain a relationship like this."

Like this? I think. Because I'm needy and pathetic. Of course.

"Don't worry about it. It's ok, Vince. You can go now."

Though my eyes are quickly filling with water, I manage to make out Vince shifting slightly. Awkwardly. "I-I'm not just going to leave you like this, Hayden. I'll walk you home."

"Don't." I say. It comes out quieter than I intended it to be. Harsher.

"What did you say?"

"Don't." I clear my throat. "Don't walk me home. You're tired of taking care of me, right? I can walk my damn self home."

I hear him take a small step back. I'm still busy rubbing my eyes with the sleeves of my jacket. I'll have to burn this thing when I get home; it must be covered in snot. "Hayden, what are you saying? That's not what it is. I thought I explained--"

"That you can't be in a relationship like this. Got it. I know that I'm too clingy, you don't have to dance around it like I'm a six year old. Just go, Vince."

"I meant it when I said I would miss you, you know." He replies quietly after a moment.

"Please. Go home, Vince."

He turns, and I think I'm finally going to get my wish. After a step, however, he turns back to face me. I catch a last glimpse of his face through my tears. "I'm sorry, Hayden."

I just shake my head. "It's okay. I wouldn't pick me either."

He takes in a breath, as if he's about to say something, but he thinks better of it, turning and leaving me on the sidewalk to cry.

Luckily, it's late enough that there are no people around to see me making a total scene. However, that also means it's late enough that the five blocks I have to walk back to my apartment feel dangerous. I consider calling a taxi, but really? A taxi instead of walking five blocks? The driver would probably laugh at me. It would make me feel even more pathetic than I already do.

So I walk. Step by step, my brain rings the same message. I lift my foot. Maybe. My heel falls. You're. My toes fall. Unlovable. And the cycle repeats. Over and over again. Maybe you're unlovable. Maybe you're unlovable. Maybe you're unlovable.