Till Life Do Us Part (A Zauren Love Story)

Part Thirty-Six: Too Late to Apologize

Lauren’s POV:

“Lauren.. Please, let me explain..” My mother  tried to get closer to me but I cut her off and took few steps back.

“You had 18 years mom! You had 18 years and now you decided to explain? you had 18 years to tell me who you are, 18 years to leave an explanation, 18 years to say something, anything... But you didn’t, you didn’t bother yourself with thinking about the daughter you left behind. You didn’t care to ask where is she now. You didn’t bother yourself to ask how is she and who’s taking care of her... God, Mom! You didn’t even tell my brother about me!” my tears were falling uncontrollably as I shouted in my mother’s face. I was finally able to get all those feelings outside of me, All the emotions that kept locked inside of me for all this years had finally found their way out.

“I know... I know that I did a terrible mistake but.. I-I regret everything, I’m so sorry for doing this. Please Lauren, please..”

“Sorry? You think that saying sorry can make me forget? you think it will fix anything? You can't take back the pain you caused to me by saying  sorry!” I laughed sarcastically, whipping my tears with my sleeve. “I don’t need your apologize. I don’t need anything from you, except for one thing..”

“What? What is it? I’ll do anything you want..” my mother begged, getting closer to me.

“I just want to know why.. why you did this?” I asked  as I took more steps back until I was standing next to Zayn, who was standing with all the boys awkwardly, watching as me and my mother screamed and cried loudly. no one of them said a word, not even Harry.

“I-I.. I after your father died..I was broke, I didn’t have money” she tried to explain but I cut her off again.

“I’ve already heard this. I want to know why you didn’t come back to me after you HAD MONEY. Why you left me there? Why you left me there to suffer? you were able to come back to California to take me, you had the money to take me out of there.. but you didn't.. why?” my voice came out as a whisper but she managed to hear it.

“I-I..  Ugh.. I don’t know..” My mother’s voice was breaking and she wasn’t able to make a full sentence.

“There’s no answer , right?” I asked, trying to make it easier for her. She nodded and looked at the ground, ashamed to look at me.

"God, this is so silly..” I laughed sarcastically and looked  at Harry “See? I told you. The reason is me. Everything happened for me is because of me. This sounds funny ha? what happened to me is because of me” I sang the last sentence and started laughing hysterically. my mother still crying and looking at the ground.

“And I told you that it’s not your fault, didn’t I?” Harry got closer to me and put his arm over my shoulder. I stopped laughing as he did this and looked at him in the eyes, tears started running down my cheeks again as I remembered his words when I told him about my past.

I couldn’t stand there anymore so I ran upstairs, causing Harry’s arm to fall from my shoulder. I ran towards my room and closed the door behind me. I laid on my bed, hugging my blanket and burying my head under my pillow. My whole body was shaking with strain. The moment that I’ve been waiting for it for many years had finally come. My mother was finally here. but yet I didn’t get an answer for my questions. “why she gave up on me? Why didn’t she come back when she had the money?”

 Wait a minute, I got an answer! There’s no reason, there’s no reason for what she did! that is the answer I've been waiting for it all this years!

This is ridicules! Nothing makes sense, nothing seems logical. Everything is so complicated. I hugged the blanket tighter and cried harder, my tears didn’t stop falling since my mother came. I couldn’t hide my feelings anymore, I can’t just force a fake smile on my face and pretend I’m okay when I’m not. Yes, the past 2 months were more than amazing, everything was going perfect until this moment. She ruined everything. I wish she didn’t come, even thought I wanted to see her and ask her why she did this to me. I wish she didn’t come because she gave me a silly answer, a silly answer that made things more complicated, more than it is in the first place. I wish she didn’t come because she did nothing except for making me hate myself even more.