Permanent Fling (BWWM)

chapter 6

After I got ready for the day. I spent the entire morning in a 3 way call with Terra and Lacy talking about what I should do. I was going to check my phone to see if Jamie called at all, so we could talk, but the battery died. When I finally found my charger, I texted Jamie asking if he would come over. Within minutes he showed up. Fast much. He knocked on my door .

“Hey baby. Thanks for picking up my phone calls last night.” He said sarcastically.

“Relax. My phone died.“ I said closing the door behind him.

I went into my kitchen, got a bottle of water and sat on top of my island countertop. He stood in front of me.

“Jamie…” I started.

“Nala, look, I didn’t mean what I said last night.” He said cutting me off.

“Yes, I think you did.” I said trying to hold back tears.

“Well the way I said it, I didn’t mean for it to hurt you.”

“But you did Jamie. Sometimes you just have no filter at all. You just say what you want to say and think its okay and just take it back later. And that’s not okay with me.” I said as I was holding his hand and tears started to run down my face.

“Babe. Please don’t do that. Don’t cry.” He said as he wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumbs. And his eyes starting to water.

“Jamie, I am sorry we had a pregnancy scare, but you can’t put that all on me, like you have been. You should take some responsibility. I can’t change the fact that we had sex.” I said squeezing his hand. “And I cant pretend like what you say doesn’t bug me. I also can’t ignore the fact that I love you. Which is why I have been brushing everything off. But that does not give you the right to treat me like you do.” I said crying.

He looked at me with the saddest eyes and said “Nala I’m sorry. I really am. I love you. Please just give me another chance.” He said pleading.

“Jamie, I can’t. I’m done.”

Tears fell from his eyes. He kissed me lightly on the lips and whispered “I love you” to me. Then walked out of my kitchen and through the front door. Just like that he was gone. 

Immediately after I heard the door close I felt both relieved and melancholy. I can hear the faint sound of my cell phone ringing from my room. I feel way too weak to even move. I pondered whom it could be and for an instant I wanted it to be Jamie. I wanted him to comfort me. I wiped the tears from my eyes. Did I make a mistake? Was it too late to take everything back? No, I made a decision and I’m sticking with it. I thought to myself, finding the strength to jump off the island countertop.   

 I walked to my bedroom to get my phone. It was sitting on my night table next to a big silver picture frame that housed a photo of me and Jamie. I started to cry all over again. Grabbing a Kleenex I wiped under my eyes, trying to compose myself. I checked my cell only to see that it was Terra that had called me. She was probably just checking in to see how it went. But I just wanted to be alone right now. I’ll call her back later, I thought.

 For now I’ll just do some baking, it always seems to make me feel good.