Just My Friend (COMPLETE)

A Late Night

~Staceys pov~

"What's your name?" I asked trying to start a conversation.
"Uh, it's April." She said as she shyly looked away and began grabbing some snacks.
"Well it's nice to meet you and have you over with us, April. It looks like you have something on your mind, do you want to talk about it?" I asked hoping she would feel comfortable enough to tell me whatever it was that she was thinking about.
She hesitated for a moment, but I could tell she had something she needed to get it off her chest.

"I'm really good at keeping secrets. And I won't make fun, I swear." I assured her and to my surprise she opened up.

"I have this friend, his name is Peter. And well.." She trailed off as I noticed she had begun blushing. "I really like him! I've had a crush on him for the past 2 years, but he is my best friend and I don't think he feels the same way." She seemed broken at the thought,
and that's when it clicked. She reminded me of 'me'. She was shy and off from the crowd, she seemed like she had experienced lots of hurt from the look in her eyes. And she likes her best friend. Oh gosh I don't know if I can encourage her after what just happened to me!

"When you talked about your friend, Devin, you acted like he meant a lot to you." She stated with pleading eyes. "Do you like him? Does he like you?" She asked and I couldn't bring myself to crush her with my bad luck.
"Well, April. Yes I do, I love him." I admitted and she smiled widely. "He has always been my whole world, but I've realized recently that although I love him, what is more important is my relationship with God." I stated and she frowned.
"Yeah, I love God, he has always been there for me. But I also really want to be with Peter. There isn't anything wrong with that is there?" She asked and I felt heart broken at her pleading face.
"No, there isn't anything wrong with that. God didn't make us to be alone in life. He gave us friends and family and he set aside a man especially for you. I don't know if it's Peter but one day you will find out." I told her as I patted her shoulder.
"Does Devin know how you feel?" Her eyes looked at mine searching for hope for herself.

"Yes. Yes he does." I told her.

"Do you think there is a chance you two could last forever." Her eyes pleaded with mine. I couldn't take away her hope, but I couldn't lie to her either.

"Its all up to God." I stated and she gave a nod before heading back into the living room with the rest of the laughing girls.
My heavenly father, oh please if he is the one for her, let him see it.
I pleaded with God. I didn't want her to experience the same heart break I did. The phone began ringing and I shouted to the girls that I'd get it. I walked to the phone and saw that it was Devin again. My heart broke as I rejected the call. My eyes closed as I felt my chest beginning to feel more and more hollow.
We turned on a movie and everyone curled up around the Tv. At about 2:48 all the girls had finely fallen asleep. My eyes were so heavy as I noticed Erica dead asleep on one of the couches. I was the only one still awake. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out. My eyes scanned the the phone as I read the text ID, it was from Devin.

Please, don't ignore me Stacey. I need to hear your voice.

The text read. And my heart felt a little warm. But I new I couldn't bring myself to hear his voice again. I can't take being just his friend, to see him with other girls and feel the coldness of not being in his arms. It was better this way. He made his decision when he let me walk away. He could've stopped me, or done something, but he didn't. I told him that I loved him and he didn't say a word. My phone vibrated again and I read the text.

Stacey, please don't do this.

A tear brimmed in my eye. I couldn't bring myself to respond to him, I was just to hurt, and for once he was the cause of my pain. I turned the phone off so I couldn't be bothered by him anymore.
I needed to go to sleep. But I was wide awake, which is totally normal for me, I have rarely slept in years now. I started having these nightmares when Natalie first got sick, And they had continued to haunt me ever since. After my parents died they got worse, but Devin was always there for me. I would call him if I woke up and he would sometimes come over and stay with me to make me feel safe. I can't even tell you what the dreams were about, only that they would wake me up in cold sweats as my heart hammered in fear.
I closed my eyes but all that filled them was cold darkness. The image of Devin's tear stained face flashed through my minds eye, and I flicked my eyes open.

How am I supposed to do this God. How can I live my life without him in it. I know I'm hurting him, and that feeling hurts me even worse then the pain of not being with him. God move in his heart, and show him what he should do. Let him see himself the way I do, and bring him back to me. Please God. I can't live without him.

I prayed silently in my head so I wouldn't wake anyone up. Tears dropped from my eyes to the pillow my head was on. I felt restless and I couldn't sleep for the life of me. I got up and grabbed a light jacket, knowing it was raining outside. My feet headed for the door and my hand reached the doorknob, I turned it and opened the door. My skin was greeted by a breeze of cool air and I saw the rain drizzling to the ground. I walked outside into the dark night. By now it was after 4am. I walked down the long street in the pouring rain as I hugged myself for some warmth. Tears mixed with the rain on my face as I reached the empty park. I walked over to the playgrounds and took a seat on one of the swings. Moving back and forth slowly as the rain soaked my hair.
The memory of Devin chasing me around my house trying to tickle me flashed through my mind making a small smile appear on my face. But it vanished as I remembered the way he back away from me and told me he couldn't be with me.
A roll of thunder brought my attention to the sky. It was dark as the drops of cool water fell from it, as if God was crying with me.

I love him God. He is the only man I can ever love, it won't be anyone else. I was meant for him, why can't he see that?

I couldn't bring myself to say a thing aloud, the pain was to deep. The hurt was so real.

"Stacey." I heard a voice say my name weakly behind me.