Tainted From a Broken Heart - Poems

My Clandestine Love

Dear my baby,

In love and overdosed in lust
We were never supposed to happen
Forbidden fruit, we crushed
But nothing could come in between or even close to us

All along, what we had, it was wrong
You were with someone else
But our feelings were too strong
He made you hurt and he treated you like dirt
I had other girls but you were the only one with worth

We would send pictures just to see each other's faces
We would sneak around town and meet in secret places
You would be ugly and cry if you had a bad day
Running into my arms then everything would be okay
Once alone you would jump me, wrapping your legs around my hips
I would taste you all over and kiss you on your lips
The sex we had was what people could only dream of
A fantasy that lasted forever, it was real love

Then one late gloomy night
It was icy out
The roads were painted white
I got that fucking call from my brother
About a Facebook post he came across from your mother
That an "angel has risen"
My heart was imprisoned
Her broken words of how you left us
I saw an article confirming it with a picture of your totaled Lexus
I never cry, but I cried.
I was eternally restless
I was so crushed
No one ever knew about us
Overwhelmed with guilt because 20 minutes prior we were together in a hotel
I must of called your cell a thousand times listening to your voicemail
Just to hear you say your name
To hear your greeting then that silly laugh
I never left a message because you could never call me back
You are gone and no one will ever know
Who you truly loved or what we had
No one will ever know
I will never have your legacy get tainted
For in the eyes of others their opinions are sadly painted
So I never told a soul
Every girl I try to talk to
Is bland and dull because they are not you
so I don't really have anyone to talk to

At your wake I saw your punk boyfriend
Broken as everyone attended him with arms open
I hated him for how he treated you
I couldn't get to see you, they cremated you
Because the wreck was so bad
I sat there alone and thought of how I needed you
You were my world
Your dad was impaired, he lost his only girl
Your mom looked at me and flashed a sad smile
Her eyes puffy like she ran out of tears
I got the sense like she knew about me and you for years
The piano man playing away intending to be reconciling
At the altar, I was staring at picture of you smiling
I drifted away once the priest read a scripture
Of when you told me you "hated that fucking picture"
You said your teeth looked too big
I loved that fucking picture.

But you're dead. You're gone.
I can't move on. I'm lost.
I'm hurt. I've been crossed by God.
Annoyed. I feel this void.
It is all I got. Nothing else.
A black hole in my heart
I loved you more than I loved myself
I have been pulled apart. 
All I know has gone dreary
It's all blurred up
Everything has gone teary
I'm stuck here hating life
Contemplating with a knife
I will soon be with you above,
this shitty world so crazy
With my clandestine love
Save me a place, my baby