Stay (ManxBoy)

Chapter Nineteen - Fifty States Of Gay

Annus Mirabilis:

(n.) (phr.) A remarkable or notable year in history; a year of wonders or miracles, used to speak hopefully of the future.

Chapter Nineteen – Fifty states of Gay

06-26-2015

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Two days prior I had fallen into a heated discussion with Charlotte and it did not make me feel any better. She had asked, not even demanded, if we were ever going to have sex and I simply exploded. How could I tell her that I simply wasn’t ready to touch her in that way right now, or ever.

I had reacted in the worst way ever by accusing her of being too pushy, even though that had been the first time she had brought it up. And then, to make matters even worse, I had thrown something in about homosexuality. Not even directly noted at me, but in it’s whole. I told her that it was absurd we could do whatever we wanted and that seeing news flashes of gay people getting bashed in the head got old. It wasn’t as much that I wanted her to know how I thought about it, but I was more than angry when I heard her response.

She told me that gay people deserved to get some sense knocked into them. And of course she didn’t say it exactly like that, but her words meant quite the same. No doubt in my mind that she just screamed it in the heat of the moment, but she said it nonetheless.

I just wanted to distract her from the whole being intimate with each other, but that only made matters worse. For the first time in a while I had escaped again and I ran towards Evan for help. He would let me stay at his place, and I thought I was given a sleeping spot on the couch. All I got was a small hug as a sign of comfort. That gave me a reason to explode to him, to yell at him everything that had been bothering me. Luckily he took it much better than I thought he would and simply talked me out of my state of mind.

And then I decided to go home again and face the problems I had created. It was more than awkward to walk into the quiet house after work, only to be welcomed by a more than pissed Charlotte. Before she would have been sad, cried until I would have come to her. But now she was angry and she stood up for herself and that made the whole situation a bit better for me. It was good to know that she was more than just that shy girl whom let anyone walk over her.

That, however, didn’t make it any less tense or worrisome. Luckily we got over it pretty fast, as we soon learned we were both idiots and our words were futile. She apologized and so did I, but her comments about homosexuality made me think.

Even though she said it when she was angry, her words were thought about and her opinion must be this. Maybe she would never be the one to harm them, but she wouldn’t exactly stop anyone from doing it too.

And yes we were speaking to each other again, but I was oh so happy that I got to be away from the house for a while since it soon got to be the 26th.

And that brings me to now. For over an hour I’ve been walking, because I’m simply too tired to get the car out of the garage and make my way over to Evan’s house. That also means that I’m officially late and I still have to walk for fifteen minutes. Normally being late wouldn’t have bothered me too much, but this is the first night -since Charlotte and I got married- Evan and I will be together where I’m not an emotional wreckage. And I just don’t like tardiness when it comes down to Evan, because I want to spend as much time with him as I possibly can.

From the corner of my eye I can see the same people as always staring at me, but they don’t seem to be frightened by my presence anymore. It’s as if once they know who you are here, you’re accepted. And maybe that’s because they don’t have enough money to complain about it, but I think it’s because of their mindset. As long as you accept the people whom live around you, you will live as wealthy as the richest people.