the sun

three dots || 3

Do I text him. I thought. I was at war with my mind if I should text him or not. That's all I thought about last night. My mind spun out of control like a tornado crushing everything in its path. I've never really been in love. Small crushes like "oh that guy's cute," but nothing this powerful. I struggled with the decision but I decided texting him was easier than dwelling over it but just as I began to type my sister walked in.
   "Hey. Can I talk to you?" My sister spoke. I nodded. I didn't know what to expect.
    "Why do you do this to mom?" She spoke with a fierce but sweet tone
    "What?" I paused to try and process what she asked. "What do you mean," I was confused.
     "Why do you say you're gay when you just want attention?" My mind was attacked with furious thoughts. Rage and fire engulfed me. They don't understand. Was all my mind could manage to think.
     "You don't get it. You don't understand," I spoke with tongues of fire. I hate my sister. I hate my mom. "I'm not gay because I want attention. I was just born like this. I can't change this," I tried my best to educate her small brain.
       "No. You can make the choice. I promise. I'm trying to help you," she said. I didn't understand her. It's better to be yourself. Even she knows that.
       "But I want to be happy. I don't want your help! Get away from me," I spoke with such emotion it startled her. Tears poured from her eyes. She seemed genuinely sad as she stormed out of the room. My mind flew with different thoughts. I needed to get away.
        "I'm going on a walk," I mumble to my mom before walking out of the house. I walked to the forest and got out a pad of paper. I started writing. Pouring my heart out into every song. Allowing myself to feel every emotion coming to me. As I walked back home I thought of so many things I could say to my sister. But as I walked in the door I decided to say none. Why? I don't know. I just felt like it'd be better off untouched. So I fell asleep with my thoughts like a calm river. Flowing with emotion.
The next day was an outburst of excitement. I texted him. "Hey, it's the boy from the museum,"
      I was still waiting for a response. As I ate lunch I kept glancing over at my phone. Willing there to be something. As soon as there was I dropped my sandwich on the plate and grabbed my phone. I saw three dots pulsing with excitement.