We're Just Friends (Frank Iero)

12.

School was absolutely, completely, horrifically UNBEARABLE without Poppy. The first day, I felt like I was mourning her death. In every class I stared at the empty seat next to me and felt a sickness in my stomach that was so horrific, I could barely begin to describe it. On the second day, I groaned in pain every time a teacher or student asked me where Poppy had gone, before explaining to them that she had moved away and wouldn't be coming back. On the third day, I sat in my car outside school for the entire day and stared into space, as I couldn't bring myself to go to class again without her.

This brings us to the fourth day. I was sat in my car, staring at the steering wheel and allowing my mind to wander off into some pointless, Poppy-filled daydream, when I was rudely interrupted by the sound of somebody getting into my car.

"Hey dude, you've lost the plot."

I looked to my right to see my good friend Ray sat in the passenger seat, a look of concern and slight humour spread across his face.

"I...I lost the plot," I nodded, returning to stare at the steering wheel of my car in an attempt to try and go back into my daydreams which were, in my honest opinion, far more desirable than life itself at this moment.

"Poppy ain't coming back," he said, resting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You gotta get sorted dude."

"I don't know what to do Ray," I sighed. "I have spent every single day with her for the past decade. I keep seeing people in the street that I think could be her, and it makes this twisting feeling appear in my stomach, and then I realise that it isn't her, and the sinking feeling starts. And-"

"I know man," Ray nodded. "Remember when Christa moved to go to University? I felt the same thing dude."

"That's different," I groaned. "Christa went to New York! You drive to see her every weekend."

A smile spread across his face and he nodded. For a moment it looked as if he had now entered his own daydream, filled with thoughts of him and his girlfriend. They had been dating for so many years that I had lost count, but I couldn't remember a time in high school when those two weren't a couple. They would definitely, in my opinion, get married one day once Christa had finished University. 

"You're right," he said. "But I know the feeling. The thing is, you have to get over it."

I knew that Ray was right, but I just couldn't bring myself to accept the fact that she was gone. They say time is the greatest healer, right?

***

It had been 52 days since she had gone. I had failed the majority of my midterms and had spoken to hardly anybody except for Ray, and I had built, strangely, a friendship with Gerard. It turns out that time isn't the greatest healer. In fact, it isn't even a relatively good healer. The final day of school before the Christmas holidays had just passed and I was sat outside school waiting for Gerard, so that I could give him a ride home like I did every afternoon after school these days.

"So you finally got a new car!"

Gerard jumped into the not-so-shitcar and admired the fact that this new car actually had padded seats and one of the windows wasn't boarded up with a piece of cardboard that I had taped to it. The story behind the missing window of the shitcar was one of my favourite memories. A year or so again, Poppy had been getting insulted by your average Football-playing-six-foot-tall-asshole at our school. He kept  calling her emo and he used to shout self-harmer at her in the hallway because apparently she looked a little too "emo" for his liking. Poppy and I had decided to drive over to his place and hurl a couple of eggs at his house. Unfortunately, the shitcar is known for being less than reliable, and the engine had decided to cut out as soon as the last egg was thrown. The six-foot-tall-asshole came running out of his house and punched the glass window in with his bare fists. The engine started up again and we drove off in hysterics, both terrified but laughing uncontrollably. He had attempted to beat me up at school the next day, but his hand was so badly cut from the glass that he was unable to throw a punch at me, and luckily after that he seemed to forget about it. The memory of this brought a smile back to my face.

"Yeah, my mom bought me it as an "early-Christmas-sorry-you-failed-your-midterms" gift," I said, rolling my eyes.

"You get gifts for failing your midterms? Jeez, what was she gonna buy you if you passed, a Porsche?!"

"I don't know, I've never passed," I said with a weak laugh, before reversing away from school and heading in the direction of Gerard's house. 

"Have you ever thought of driving to Texas to see Poppy?" Gerard asked abruptly.

"What?" I asked with a small laugh. "No, that's ages away. And anyway, she's in Chicago for Christmas."

When she first left, Poppy and I had spoken on the phone every night. Over the past month, we had been speaking less and less and I hadn't heard from her in just under two weeks.

"Chicago is closer than Dallas! It's like, a 12 hour drive if you're quick enough. You could leave at 10am and be getting into her bed at 10pm."

"You know exactly what to say to convince a guy," I laughed. "But...I haven't heard from her. She's busy. I want to let her settle into her new life without smothering her."

"What if she moves on?"

"Dude why are you being so blunt?!" I almost shouted, but I was only shouting because what he was saying was worrying me. 

"I'm just saying," he shrugged. "It's Christmas break, and you haven't seen her in ages. You two are just meant to be together."

"Isn't that a bit weird for you to say, considering you dated her?" I asked with an awkward laugh.

"We didn't date," he laughed. "We just hung out a bit. I was a bit too shy. You intimidated me, to be honest. No guy can get close to a girl who has a male best friend who is so protective over her."

"Sorry dude," I laughed. I drove Gerard home and said goodbye to him before driving back to my place. I looked around my room and then looked out of my bedroom window, up at Poppy's old bedroom window. The room was now painted a pastel pink, and I could see a crib in there where her bed used to be. A new family had moved in. Now everything looked so different, it was as if Poppy had never been there. I hated that.

I sighed to myself and fell onto my bed for a few moments, before abruptly standing up and throwing some clothes into my backpack. 

Fuck this, I thought to myself. I'm going to see my Poppy.