We're Just Friends (Frank Iero)

18.

Poppy's P.O.V

Frankie threw an old notebook at me before walking out of the room. I half-expected him to slam the door with force, as he seemed quite mad with me, but he closed it gently and I barely even heard his footsteps as he walked away back to his own bedroom. I looked carefully at the notebook. It had a faux-leather cover but it was old and faded and the corners were bent. The pages had turned a faint shade of yellow and I could tell that this book was really old. I flicked to the first page and saw in very child-like handwriting the word's 'Frank's diary GO AWAY MOM.' I giggled to myself, before it dawned on me that this was essentially Frank Iero's diary that begun from childhood, and that he had basically given me access to the inside of his mind from the past seventeen years. I struggled to bring myself to turn the pages, feeling as if I were intruding on something very personal and private. However, he had told me to read it to silence my questioning about his past relationships, and so I would. I had always wanted to climb inside Frankie's mind for a day and work out what he was thinking. He could be pretty mysterious sometimes. Throughout our entire friendship he would always be so calm, laid back and friendly, and yet sometimes he would just look at me and then his expression would change to anger and he would leave. I guess that is all well explained by the fact that he was in love with me, and I was probably talking about guys or maybe he just couldn't bear to look at me anymore knowing that we weren't together.

With trepidation, I turned the first page.

September 1st 2002: Hi diary. I'm going to write all my secrets in here but I don't want my mom or dad to read it so I'm going to hide you under my bed. Hope that's ok. I don't have any secrets today though.

I laughed out loud to myself. Frank was such a nerdy kid. As I flicked through the earlier pages of the diary, nothing relevant was there as Frankie and I didn't even meet until 2003. Although, I did see some funny 'growing-up' issues in his diary, that I shouldn't ever repeat to anyone. Stuff like...

October 27th 2002: Today I did something really weird. I touched my self and it felt really weird too but also nice and I want to do it again but I don't know if it is legal

On reading this, I erupted into laughter, tears literally streaming down my face. Then I remembered that Frank was only down the hall and could probably hear me laughing, so I decided to try and forget how hilarious that was before he came in and took his diary away from me.

July 3rd 2003: I met our new neighbours today. There's a guy who is bigger than me and he kind of scares me and he has a sister, her name is Poppy. I spoke to her for two hours and it turns out we have everything in common and she's definitely going to be my best friend which is great because when I look at her I feel really weird and happy at the same time.

For some reason, reading this made my heart sink. Although it was amazing to know that Frank felt something for me as soon as we had met, I also felt a sense of guilt. For the first five years or something like that I had never really thought of him in that way. Not because I wasn't attracted to him, but because I didn't think of anybody in that way. I was a kid, I just wanted someone to share my toys with. I flicked through a ton of pages about toys and school and general crap, until I got to the parts that mattered.

February 17th 2010: I lost my virginity today. I can't believe it, why did I do it. I regret it already, I wanted it to be with somebody I loved. I don't love Amelia, I'm sick of telling Poppy that I love Amelia. I want to tell Poppy that I love HER. I love her. I love Poppy so fucking much and it's killing me, and I feel guilty that I slept with Amelia because maybe, just maybe in a few years Poppy could fall for me and I can't give her my fucking virginity because I gave it to Amelia. I'm a horrible guy.

January 30th 2014: Grace is boring the shit out of me. Each night we hang out she's just banging on about guys and hockey and manicures and diets and oh my god, I have to keep kissing her so she doesn't whine about how many calories are in fries but she won't fucking eat them. Then we just have mindless hours of fucking each other and I'm literally bored. How can you be bored having sex? I can be seriously fucking bored. I'll tell you a big secret diary: I decided halfway through another boring fuck with Grace that I wanted to go home, and I'd kinda stopped caring about the entire situation. For the first time in my life (I swear, the first time) I closed my eyes and I just....pictured Poppy lying there. With her red hair sprawled across the pillow, her eyes looking up at me, her body,.... anyway, never ever have I 'finished off' that quickly. Grace was like 'oh my Gawd how embarrassing for you,' so I just broke up with her and left because I realized that I'm not ever gonna get over Pops and I've been mindlessly dating girls for 4 years now and I just feel like i'm gonna get a bad reputation when I only ever want one girl.

March 16th 2014: Poppy. Likes. Me. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I stared at the pages, dumbstruck. I felt a number of emotions. One was sadness, at reading about Frank sleeping with other girls. Another emotion was shock, realizing that he wasn't lying about Amelia. Another was overwhelming happiness that Frankie loved me so much. I was so wrong to question him.

I put the book down and left the room, heading down the hallway to Frank's room. I walked into the room but the light was out, and I could see faintly due to the streetlight coming in through the window that he was in bed. I placed his diary down on his desk and crawled into his bed, sliding under the covers. He rolled over so that we were lying facing one another, our heads on the pillow and our noses gently touching.

"I love you, Frank Iero," I said, pressing my lips lightly against his. "And I know now, how much you love me too."