1- Become A Unicorn So I Can Stab People With My Head

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Where the hell are Beyoncé's twins?!?

Where they at tho?

We done saw Blue, now we need to see Red and Green.

We have a RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU BEE! Those babies are our NIECES AND NEPHEWS! SHOW US OUR DAMN RELATIVES!

I see JAY-Z CREEPING AND CRAWLING OUT OF THE HOSPITAL! I'm THIS CLOSE to shimmying my ASS in as the new MR. CARTER!

Me shimmying my ass in as the new Mr. Carter:

 Carter:

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👶

School.

I know.

Stripper life, here I come. 

Or maybe potato life? 

I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY DAMN ADMISSION'S LETTER TO HOGWARTS! It's been six years and those rotten bastards are still being stingy. I mean, I'd be a fantastic wizard! I'd only kill the people that I DISlike!

"Claire? Who are you talking to?" 

I turned and saw my best friend Seraphina giving me a suspicious look. 

"Uh...my Savior?"

"You mean God?" She asked with an arched eyebrow.

"No, I meant Jelena, but that works too." I nodded my head before slamming my locker shut. 

"Claire, what are you gonna do with your life?" She asked before leaning against the lockers and sticking her foot out.

"Become a unicorn so I can stab people with my head." I walked forward and of course, I tripped over her foot and slammed right on my face. My chin probably looked like Tyler Posey's right now. 

"Ha! You dumb bitch!" She was bent over laughing at me. "I am shooketh." She continued to laugh until I slapped her butt.

Yeah, I'm weird like that.

"Cash me ousside, how bout dat?" She snapped her fingers and did a Tyra Banks neck roll.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that in English?" I put my hand to my ears before leaning forward. We continued to class before she stopped me.

"Did you finish the project?"

"What project?" 

"The math project!" 

"We had a math project?" Since when did we have a project? I can hardly differentiate reality from fantasy, I'm still waiting for Jelena to come back together and I barely remember what I had for breakfast this morning. How was I supposed to remember a math project?

"Oh we are so screwed." She mumbled.

🤒homework😵

I had just finished my last class and was planning to hang out with Seraphina, but she had managed to get a date. I have no idea how. She was my ride home, and now I was stuck being trapped in hell for another hour. I took out my phone and called my brothers that were home. They answered.

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