Two Sides

Chapter 5 - The Picture

During the next days and weeks, you got a lot more familiar with the people in the Kingdom. You helped wherever you could, not just with knife throwing lessons but all kinds of things. You started to realize why Ezekiel was so proud of this place and its inhabitants. And whenever his time allowed it, he'd have a meal with you or a nice conversation in the royal gardens.

The more time you spent with him, the more he let his act drop. When you were around other people though, you noticed that he was right back in character. It was actually rather funny, mostly because you were glad that he trusted you more than others. But still, there was a part of you that was scared to get too close to anyone.

You had mostly spent your time outside so far, but today you decided to stay in your room after work and have some time to think. The weeks you spent here had changed you already, you felt better, although you still worried a lot about everyone back home in Alexandria. The distance was some kind of remedy for you and all the positivity here in the Kingdom did its part as well. But to be away also brought insecurity and concern about your family.

You pulled out your old backpack from under your bed and went through the things you had brought here. An old and ripped shirt, a broken watch, the old map you had found near the airport right at the beginning when you arrived here. And then there was something far more precious than any other possession of yours. A picture of Abraham.

You stared at it for a while until you felt yourself tear up. Trying to calm yourself you took a few deep breaths and then closed your eyes, sitting down with your back against the wall.

"Fuck," you muttered, taking another deep breath that was supposed to help you stop crying. You hadn't cried since that night and you wouldn't start now. No, definitely not now.

"Don't do that, please."

You looked up in confusion and saw Ezekiel standing in your doorway. He was looking at you with concerned eyes. Oh God, not now. He wasn't supposed to see this.

"Do what?" you asked, trying to sound normal.

"Swallow it down. You need to let it out," he explained and walked into the room, closing the door behind him. "You haven't allowed yourself to grief, not really at least. You didn't even cry when you told me what happened. But bottling it up won't make it better."

"I did talk about it." You stood up and sat down on the edge of your bed. "I don't think there's much else to do."

"You're an emotional person, at least that's my impression, but yet you refuse to show me how you really feel." Ezekiel walked over and took a seat next to you. "Well, maybe you're not talking enough about it. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things but this is not the way that'll help you."

"But can you blame me that I don't want to relive those memories over and over again?" you asked, a bit too desperate.

He shook his head. "Of course not and you don't have to. How about we instead talk about positive things? About who he was, what you liked about him?"

You glanced back at the photo in your hand. Ezekiel's gaze followed yours and you decided to hand him the picture. He looked at it and smiled back at you. A bit encouraged now and a lot calmer, you realized that he was right. You hadn't really grieved. At least not the way you would have done in a normal world where death wasn't a daily companion you had gotten almost numb to.

"That's the first picture I saw of him," you explained then. "My dad sent it to me."

"You didn't grow up with him?"

You shook your head. "No, he's actually my half-brother. Was... my half-brother. His dad is my dad... He came to Europe with the military and got my mom pregnant without knowing. I grew up without a dad. Sometime before the outbreak, my mom showed me a letter. She had told my dad that I existed and he had answered her immediately. She hadn't said a word to me about that correspondence until years later, so I didn't know anything about Abraham. That is... until she showed me a letter my dad had sent to me... with pictures of his family in Texas."

"I didn't realize you're not from here." Ezekiel said. "It must have been hard."

"I guess it was just as hard, we all had to get used to new surroundings. However, now that I think about it I should have told Abe that I'd come over but I was so excited to have a brother that I didn't think and just bought a plane ticket. That was around the time it all started. I landed... and the airport was a mess. People were panicking, I didn't know why at first. When I found out I was somewhere out there, all by myself, with a map and a backpack."

"I never met someone who was at the airport when it happened," Ezekiel mused.

"It wasn't the best place to be, so I guess not many of those people are left," you mused. "I'm glad I got out there alive. It wasn't easy at first because I had no idea where I was going, but I made it somehow. The map wasn't that helpful but I found streets, highways... and that eventually brought me to him... after months."

"How did that happen?" Ezekiel wanted to know.

You smiled. "I'll never forget how I was walking along that road and suddenly heard a truck. Whenever I saw people, I immediately took out my picture of him, I even compared every walker's face to his... and then I stumbled upon the truck, observing it from across the road with his photo in my hand and I spot him driving that thing. I never expected to see him there, considering that I was trying to get to Texas where I thought he lived."

"How did you get him to stop?"

"I jumped on the road, he almost killed me," you admitted with a chuckle. "He thought I was crazy when I told him that I was his sister. But he believed me when I told him the whole story... and he actually still thought I was crazy, just walking around there looking for him. You have to know that he had served as a Sergeant, he was a bit harsh sometimes, very honest but also witty. His sense of humor was very special."

Ezekiel chuckled as well. "So not very much like you. I mean the harsh part."

You shook your head. "No, we were so different. He actually was with a girl and another man when I met him, so it was the first time I was with a group. That's a long story but eventually we met the others that I'm still living with. But although I love them... Abraham was my best friend. It took us a while to get there, but we had more in common than we initially thought. I just wish I had more time with him."

Ezekiel's hand found yours, he gave it a squeeze but didn't let go. His warmth spread to your body, you never wanted him to let go again. But while his touch was supposed to be soothing, it just made you even more emotional to the point of an overload you couldn't bear – the grief, the missing, the confusing feelings you had for the king. In that moment it broke out of you and you couldn't hold it back. So you just cried, rivers of tears that you didn't know were in there, while sobs escaped your mouth and your body shook.

Ezekiel was prepared for this, in hindsight you were sure it was something he wanted you to do. To cry. To grief. Maybe he knew he needed to trigger it for you to let it happen. When he wrapped his arms around you, carefully but still tightly enough for you to feel him close, you sunk into his embrace.

"It's okay," he mumbled. "Just let it out, you'll feel better."

And he was right. After what felt like an eternity, you tears dried and you stopped trembling. He still held you, longer than was actually necessary but of course you wouldn't complain. It felt too good to be in his embrace, to feel his strong body against your weak one and let it comfort you.

"Thank you," you breathed as you let go of him and covered your face in your hands, wiping away the tears and trying not to look too miserable.

Ezekiel had none of it, he just took your hands away and then put his own hands on your cheeks, wiping away the last stray tears and smiling at you. "You're stronger than you think. Don't underestimate the power you carry inside. The hope you carry in your heart."

You looked into his warm, caring eyes and nodded. His lips formed an affectionate smile and then he bent down to press a kiss to your forehead. You nearly melted and your heart began to flutter. When he broke away and let go of your face, he just continued to smile and so did you.

"Get some rest now," he said.

Before you could say anything, he had stood up and walked out of the room. There was a small dent where he had just sat on your mattress. It left you wondering why he even came to your room... if he had been looking for you.