Two Sides

Chapter 6 - Change

"Hey, (Y/N)! Fancy an apple? I just picked some with the reddest cheeks you'll ever see," Jim, one of the people you usually helped out asked you when you walked past him. It was a sunny day and you had just finished one of your knife throwing lessons.

"Sure, they look fantastic," you answered, taking the apple from his outstretched hand.

Ever since your talk with Ezekiel, you felt a lot better. Having spoken about Abraham and having shared your story, helped you find peace. The time here in the Kingdom was not only healing, but also enlightening. It told you so much about yourself.

"You look nice today," he said. "Dressed up for someone?"

You blushed. "Thanks but no, of course not."

Today you were wearing a new shirt. A women had gifted it to you after your old one nearly fell off and you had decided to wear it today because... well, you actually wanted to see Ezekiel. Until now you hadn't seen him around, though, and Jim had probably made that remark on purpose. He knew of your little crush on the king since he had seen you talking to him. That day Ezekiel had brought you a photo frame for your picture of Abraham and you had been so happy about the present that you had taken his hand in yours for a second to thank him. When you had walked back over to help Jim, you saw in his face that he knew everything. And the blush on your face had been evidence enough.

"Sure you're not strolling around here because you're looking for someone?" Jim innocently asked you.

You sighed. "Well, you haven't seen the king by any chance?"

Jim shook his head, now more serious. "No, I haven't... I heard he's out there. Someone told me he checks on Carol from time to time. Don't know if that's true, some people say he's seeing her."

Your heart sunk. "Seeing here?"

"I don't think you have to worry," Jim quickly added. "He's worried about everyone he cares about. Oh, uh, not that I think he cares about her more than about others..."

"It's okay," you lied. "It's not like I think I'm special."

"Sorry, I really didn't want to destroy you're hopes. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure he thinks you're special... he spends a lot of his barely existing spare time with you, so that has to mean something."

"Yea, who knows..." you mumbled. "Anyway, thanks for the apple, Jim. See you tomorrow morning."

He nodded towards you and with a forced smile you turned around and walked back to the stand with the knives and targets. While you were cleaning and sharpening the knives, you couldn't help but worry about what you had just heard. It had never occurred to you that Ezekiel cared about Carol in such a way. Sure he had mentioned her during your first conversation but since then he hadn't brought her up again. Which made sense... why would he talk about something so intimate with you?

Actually, it was rather obvious. He was often out there, sometimes with a truck... probably to get things. But sometimes they didn't take the truck, so maybe he was indeed going to Carol. For all you knew, it was possible that he was seeing her. There hadn't been anything between you and him besides a few minor instances that didn't mean anything. Maybe he... indeed just worried about you. Maybe he worried about a lot of people. You had often seen him with others like Benjamin or his brother.

You sighed. It was stupid to think that you had a chance with him, stupid to care about him in the first place. You'd go back to Alexandria sooner or later and he was the leader of the Kingdom. It was a bad idea to get so close to him. Bad and dangerous for your recovery.

Fuck, why even Carol? You had nothing against her, really, she had always been kind to you back in Alexandria and even before then. But you thought she had been with Tobin not so long ago and she didn't seem the type to look for a serious relationship right now, especially not with Ezekiel.

Then again... she might have changed. You hadn't seen her for a while and it didn't seem like she would come back to Alexandria. Maybe it was because she wanted to stay close to him.

It didn't matter. You would only stay here for a while longer until you felt like going home again. That had been the deal from the start, so why break it?

Later that day, when the sun was about to set, you were sitting outside, trying to sort laundry in the last rays of sunlight. You were barely focusing, just mindlessly playing with the hem of a shirt. In that moment you saw Jerry walking past you. He waved at you with a grin and you just decided to wave back until you realized what it meant that Jerry was there.

You tried to stand up as quickly as possible but of course it was too late. Right when you were on your feet, you looked into the face of the king. For a second you stopped breathing. He was just as handsome as always, and his smile still made your heart flutter.

But you didn't forget what you had learned this afternoon.

You wouldn't spend your evening with him again.

"(Y/N)." His melodic voice gave you goosebumps. You weren't prepared to face him now, not at all.

"Hi," you said breathlessly.

"Are you okay?" He furrowed his brow. "You're..."

"Oh, I'm fine, just a bit tired. It was a busy day."

Ezekiel nodded slowly. "Well, I thought that perhaps you'd like to spend the evening in the gardens with me."

As tempting as that offer sounded, you knew you couldn't do it. Your heart screamed yes but there was no reason behind it. "I'd love to but I'm just... so tired. I wanted to go to bed early... get a good amount of sleep. I'm sorry, maybe another time."

"That's fine, we can just postpone it," he immediately replied.

"Thanks," you muttered, trying to give a genuine smile. You couldn't help but feel bad to disappoint him after all he did for you. But you couldn't just forget what you heard.

"Good night, then," Ezekiel wished you and he seemed like he wanted to reach out to you but then decided against it. Your heart dropped. "Sleep well, (Y/N). I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night," you said lowly, hating yourself for doing this and provoking this awkward conversation.

When he turned around and walked back towards Jerry you felt miserable. But it was the right decision, wasn't it? You couldn't get even closer to him, not now that you had realized how wrong it was.

You were confused when you took the basket with the laundry and headed to your room. Why were you so sentimental all of a sudden? You'd have to leave eventually anyway so there was no use in falling in love. Maybe there wasn't any use at all in this fucked up world.

The next day was terrible. You avoided Ezekiel as best as possible and after you had done your work, you immediately went back to your room. As much as you loved the Kingdom, you really wanted to just walk for a while, not see anyone and have a distraction. You had seen Ezekiel and a few of the others leave in a truck earlier, so you decided that it wouldn't hurt if you went outside of the walls for a few hours. To free your mind, walk through the woods and decipher what you were actually feeling. You needed to make reason of everything that had happened here so far... especially with Ezekiel... and figure out what you really wanted.

You took your backpack and one of the knives you normally practiced with and then headed out. Nobody second guessed it so you figured it was okay. As soon as you were outside, you made your way over to the woods and cherished your sudden freedom. Maybe you'd do that more often in the future, no matter where you would be living... Alexandria or the Kingdom.