Two Sides

Chapter 8 - Confessions

Your P.O.V.

Ezekiel stood before you, his eyes mirroring concern, anger and confusion at the same time. You had never before seen him like that and you felt terrible for causing it. At the same time, you had no idea what had actually happened, so you didn't know what to say. Consequently, for a good minute neither of you spoke a word.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled then vaguely. "I didn't meant to cause turmoil."

He shook his head, obviously still contemplating what to say. "To be fair, I was the one who caused it," was what he settled for.

"Ezekiel..."

"I was worried...," he continued unimpressed by your interruption. "I thought that you left for good. Or that you got hurt out there. (Y/N), let me be clear. I feel responsible for you, I care about you, and I can't stand the thought of you being hurt or in pain."

The thought that he went looking for you with all those people... that he cared so much about you to risk them getting hurt... it made you feel guilty but happy at the same time. You had grown so close to him in a matter of weeks that it felt like you knew him forever and that he felt the same way was very clear now. You wouldn't get your hopes up, but you were sure he wouldn't do this for everyone.

"Ezekiel, I'm sorry, really. I should have explained it to someone," you admitted. "I didn't and I feel bad for it but I didn't expect you to be so concerned about me. I was out there for so long on my own, and when I found the group we were out there too..."

"It's not that," he finally said. "I was concerned yes, but the main reason why I reacted this way is that I was scared that I would never..."

"That you would never what?" you repeated, not sure in which direction this conversation was going.

He didn't answer your question. At least not with words. Instead he just closed the gap between the two of you, took your face in his hands and kissed you. At first you were startled, not having expected such an impulsive reaction from this usually so calm and thoughtful man, but after a second you melted into his arms and kissed him back.

When he broke away after only a few seconds, his face a mere few centimeters above yours, his dark brown eyes looked right into yours. A silent question. In that moment you didn't give a shit about the future or Carol or your recovery, you just wanted him to know that you felt the same way, that you were longing to feel him and to be with him. So you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him with all you had, your lips impatiently moving against his soft ones.

Ezekiel quickly caught on and pulled you closer. It was intense, the emotions and sensations rushed through your body together with the adrenaline of the kiss. You felt a tear roll down your cheek, not because you were sad or hurt but because you felt too much to keep it together. Ezekiel had touched something deep inside your heart and you couldn't be bothered to hide it. He made you feel, when you had thought that you'd be numb for the rest of your life. It was liberating.

His beard tickled your now wet cheeks, his soft lips still on yours even though there was no oxygen left in your lungs. He tasted too good to be true. But you simply needed to break away after a while, not only to catch your breath but to calm your racing heart. This came so unexpected that you didn't know how to deal with it. And there were still so many things unsaid. So many doubts.

"You okay?" he asked lowly, moving his thumb over your wetted cheeks.

You nodded. "Ezekiel, can I ask you a really silly question?"

"Always."

"You're not with Carol, are you?" The question sounded stupid in your ears, but it had bothered you all day. You just wanted to get that thought out of your head in order to know if you were interpreting correctly what had just happened.

He shook his head. "No, why would you think that?"

"Never mind," you replied, a bit embarrassed now. "Just something I heard..."

"I am not with her," he said more directly. "I only love one woman and she is standing right in front of me with the most wonderful blush on her face. And I'm still wondering if she left because of me."

Love. Your heart made a jump at his words, especially because you knew he was honest with you. And you felt it... he was holding you with a gentleness you hadn't experienced before. His eyes were warmer than ever, deeper than ever. You were in too deep now not to let this happen.

You tried to overplay your emotions with a joke but the happiness his confession had caused was definitely visible. "Well, I hope you're not talking about Shiva..."

He let out a chuckle and kissed your forehead. "I'm only talking about you. Since you came here I can't get you out of my head. Not that I tried very hard."

"I tried," you mumbled. "That's why I left... to think about us."

"And did you come to a conclusion?"

You let out a laugh. "I did come to a conclusion two seconds ago. And it's that I love you, too."

Ezekiel relaxed in your arms, his forehead falling against yours. "I didn't mean to spring this on you, really. But today was a bad day. And I was so relieved to see you."

"It's okay," you said grinning. "I like how it turned out."

In that moment Shiva let out a low snore. She was still lying on the floor, minding her own business, but looked at you occasionally as if she wanted to grant you privacy but still know what was happening.

"I should bring her back in her cage and feed her," Ezekiel mused. "If you want, we can meet here later. You might want to shower and change. And please, even if it's just a scratch, let someone look over your hand."

You nodded but didn't really want to let go of him. So you kissed him again, just for a second, and then pulled away. He smiled at you and you were glad you could go past all the worries. You wouldn't have just left if you had known that you meant so much to him... that he'd send out his best men just to find you. Maybe you just had to get used to the fact that there were people you needed to be considerate of.

* * *

The sun had already set when you were back in the gardens, a cozy fire burning in front of where you and Ezekiel were sitting. Well, not actually sitting. It was more of a couch than a bench and you remembered how you had been here before quite a few times. This time it was different, though. You had rested your head on Ezekiel's shoulder and he had wrapped his arm around you, holding you close. You mindlessly played with one of his dreads while there was a very comfortable silence between the two of you. The only sound you heard was the crackling of the fire and the chirping of bugs.

It was bliss. Something you hadn't felt in so long that you almost forgot it existed.

"I'm curious," you said at some point. "Why did you think I'd just leave? And why did you think I'd do it because of you?"

It took him a moment to answer and when he did, he sounded pretty vague. "It was one of the few possibilities... I had a bad feeling, maybe it was fear. People leave for all kinds of reasons."

"Well, you're the reason why I'm staying," you mumbled. "At least for now."

He shifted so that he was able to look into your eyes. "For now?"

You sighed and let your hand rest on his chest. "I will have to go back eventually, at least to help fight the Saviors."

Ezekiel didn't look very happy about it but nodded. "I had a feeling you would. I understand why you want to."

"We don't have to talk about it now, I just figured you should know..." you trailed off and snuggled closer to him.

His hand started moving over your back and he let out a low sigh. You knew this was a sensitive topic that you definitely needed to discuss at some point. It would be hard, but for now you didn't want to think about it. All you wanted was to lie here next to him and forget about what troubled you. For the rest of the night, there wouldn't be any sorrows, just love.